Ushering in the New Year

"You gain some, you lose some."

And I'm a staunch believer of that, because this year has been exactly like that, like every year was. But I think I've been a fairly good girl for the past few years, because 2008 has been the year metamorphosis took place in my life to the greatest extent. And everyone was involved, which was a good thing.

1. I found the love of my life. It's been a whirlwind ride for us as individuals looking for that someone perfect for us, getting heartbroken and totaled in the process. But here I am, with my hand in yours, and it'll stay that way for as long as we keep it this way. For someone who compromises but never too much, for someone who's childlike enough with his lame jokes and yet mature enough to knock some sense into me whenever I'm out of line, this year's to you.

2. Turning 20. I'm just shamelessly defiant when it comes to turning two decades old. It makes me sound like a mountain tortoise. But might as well.

3. Scoring my first A and C+. Yay to the former, yucks to the latter. And I'm only going to get better and better at this, with MY OWN EFFORT, nevertheless. You know how much i hate leveragers. Their A's and whatnot are SO not justified, and I lose all respect for them.

4. My Gurlies. No PR strategy, just to acknowledge my Gurlies for their tolerance, especially after 2 out of 4 of us got attached. Of course, amidst mad work and study schedules, we still managed to sieve out time to meet and be crazy for those few hours, but it's all worth it. The incoherent midnight MSN-ing and emotional support they gave was priceless, especially when I had no one to turn to. Kudos to them.

5. Geyao. Joining Geyao has been an eye-opener for me ever since my first semester here, because I get to experience things I don't usually get to outside of it. Rehearsals, jamming, studio recording, getting my hands on writing lyrics and melodies (though many are half-done and lacking in substance), fooling around in KTV with a bunch of skilled vocalists, building invaluable stage experience, making friends, etc. Most importantly, I found Jack there! No no, not the 3.5mm earphone jack. Someone to share my love for music, and be my love. And we're only one of the many many (and still growing) couples there!

6. Primary School mates. This made it in time for the closure of 2008. So it seems like I've been missing out on all my Primary school gatherings since Sec. 2, because NONE of them recognised me at first sight. Seriously, did I change that much? They made it seem as though I went for plastic surgery (which I didn't). But it's good to know that some things never change.


I know I'll probably regret it if I post it here, because I'll have hoards of people hunting me down if I don't fulfill them.

New Year Resolutions:

1. Pull up my C.A.P. And I mean it.
2. Stop conflicting with my parents. Or my mum, to be specific.
3. Exercise! Okay, I've been constantly losing weight, but for the wrong reasons. I dropped by 3kg, then 8 kg, then 3 kg, all without exercise. So I'm all flabby. Yuck. Arghhhh~
4. Save money. Alot.
5. Strengthen all my relationships, be it with Jack, or with my Gurlies, or with cT and co, or with any of my friends.
6. Write more lyrics. I've got 3 half songs, and only 1 full song which I have no intention of publishing.

Muffins and children

My sis will kill me if she hears me say this, but Joanne (Jack’s sis) makes lovely cupcakes! Haha no currying of favour intended here, just honest confessions. I’m such a foodie, my size explains it all. Jack just crumbled up the cupcake, shoved it into his mouth, and made a face. Haha.



Tuition was taxing (as it always has been). To handle 10 primary school kids who like to speak simultaneously and make weird noises, it’s like babysitting 10 times over. And the next worse thing? Marking their assignments. And I felt bad about not attending the Christmas party, because the kids were pestering me as to why I didn’t turn up, and Violet actually prepared gifts for us. Omg I feel super bad now, because I just unwrapped the present to find a purple Parker pen with my name engraved on it. Damn.

Subtle happiness

I realised the progress of time only allowed me to learn even more from things around me, including myself. And the past few days have etched a deep impression in me.



Sometimes, when you try really hard to be someone everyone likes, it turns out really horridly. And that was what happened. I'm just glad that I've found the ONE PERSON who has the ability to knock some sense into me whenever I utter something really insane, even when it means crazy phonecalls at unearthly hours. The remorse hit in the late morning, coupled with sore and puffy eyes and a congested throat. I paid the price, learnt the lesson. I promise, I'll never say those hurtful things again. It's only when you reflect upon what you've just said that you realise that you haven't been kind with your words. And I learnt it the hard way.



But you know I still love and treasure you all the same.

Lunch steaming with love from Jack's kitchen

Catching up done with the double G's - I got thrashed. Real bad.

Primary school gathering made me laugh. ALOT. As much as I hated my schooling days before JC, taking a peek back at the silly moments in Primary School was fun. We had so much sharing and catching up done over the 9 hours we had (with boardgames at Settlers' and dinner at The Coffee Club), and we've even set the tentative date for the next gathering.



Juliet, one of my best friends in Primary School. We were snail-mailing each other up to Sec. 4.



Two of the three guys who attended.
From left: Jeremy and Hao Yi. I remembered having a crush on Jeremy. Haha. And we were talking about how Jeremy and Haoyi not having much change (lookswise) from Primary school days. And while Jeremy was furiously pushing HaoYi to Charmaine (in hope of rekindling their Primary school 'romance'), the rest of us were shoving Matthew to her as well. I swear she got really pissed.



Lay Yoong. One of the many many prefects on our class. And while I was always bumping into her in NUS, she never did once recognise me. Lol. She's in Mec. Engine! We promised to keep in touch.



Games at Settlers'. We initially wanted to meet at Cineleisure, but some stalker of Juliet's found out, and we decided to change the venue. Haha. And we were saying that Charmaine was the PI (since she knew what was happening with the other people from our class) and Hao Yi was the stalker (since he knew much more about SOME people). Perfect match. And They're still the two brainy ones, no doubt about it.

Thanks to all who attended yesterday's gathering - Juliet, Lay Yoong, Charmaine, Lishi, Karryn, Hao Yi, Jeremy, Hua Xiong.

More photos coming up, after Lishi uploads them on FB.

Kayven + Christmas

Haha. Kayven is NOT my new fling.
*ROFL*
He's Derrick's little newborn! Congratulations on your lovely Christmas boy! The family's proud of you! We got so excited, we rushed down to the hospital in the afternoon. They couldn't let the baby out of the nursery within 6 hours of birth, but the nurse was kind enough to push Kayven to the side of the nursery window so that we could take a look at my baby nephew. And he's gorgeous, I'd tell you. He's going to be a tall and suave boy when he grows up. And to watch the little bundles of joy fidgeting in their warmers from the nursery window lights a comforting warmth within me. To watch Kayven pry open his own eyes sleepily and yawn big, comforting yawns made me smile. It's the vulnerability of life which makes me treasure every single person in my life, however frequently they appear in my life.


Woke up with a horrid horrid hangover-ish headache and nausea. I swear, I won't touch more than half a cup of that wine again. It effectively killed my Christmas appetite, and for the entire day I felt like emptying my innards to accommodate that bloat in my gut. *sigh*

It's more of missing the hubby.

And I don't like the idea of going out.

Back to where we were

I can only smile to myself and count my lucky stars.
Merry Christmas Eve to everyone.

Cam-whoring. Please clear up after vomitting.


Killing time...


I'm never ordering this again, because they took out my favourite shitake!


The hubby's favourite - Rainbow Roll


Hubby's ... not very cooperative. Haha.


Yayaya... we're always here.


And what else but to have your hand to bring me right to my doorstep.

(Photos from my Nokia 6220. Simple editing done.)

Was wine-shopping with the hubby, since we both need something nice to go with Christmas dinner. Had my first experience with Moscato, because I've always been sticking to Merlot and Shiraz for family dinners. It's a fresh change, because it's not as fruity as Wild Vines, and lower in alcohol content than Choya. Plus it's got a very light, sweet aftertaste. Yum.

Dad force-fed me his pan-fried salmon. *Gag* Threw down some white wine to get rid of the lingering stench of the fish (I'm still at it). If there's one guilty pleasure this festive season, it's got to be alcohol. I've not been drinking much owing to the exams and late night project-rushing, plus I hate the fact that the alcohol hits my blood vessels and drives my blood into my head at lightning speed. So I wasn't blushing if you saw me all red-faced just now; Hubby and I had some Japanese rice wine during dinner.

And just one year ago, I had the exact same meal (dinner) at the same place (Vivo) with the same person (Jack). One year later, history repeats itself, except the differing fact that I have my hand in his this time round.

Big laughs

I loved the way the chlorinated pool water lashed across my back while I fought my way across the pool. It's been a while since I last swam (maybe half a year ago?), and I swear my lungs took a beating. Thanks to Jane's coercion/persuasion/encouragement, we covered 20 laps in under an hour. Marvellous way to start the day off.

And HongYing's off to China to reunite with Ben!!! *Gushes* Can you believe that I was more excited than she was just a few weeks ago? Perhaps it's just me who likes to see people get together, not go their separate ways. It gets to me when I see close friends break up with their partners, because if there's a possibility of breaking up, why get together in the first place? Just to break up? I was analysing this loosely with Fay yesterday while shopping, and I came up with this nonsensical theory.

兩個人在一起，是爲了分手。
(The reason for two people to get together is to break up.)
兩個人分手，是爲了和別人在一起。
(The reason for breaking up is to be with someone else.)
兩個人在一起，是爲了讓其中一方有機會劈腿。
(The reason for two people to get together, is for one party to have the opportunity to cheat on the other.)
一方劈腿，是爲了分手。
(The reson for cheating on someone is to break up with them.)

分手，是因爲厭倦了。
(The reason for breaking up, is because you're sick and tired of it all.)



I swear I was laughing for longest time when I concocting this crappy theory.


And results were out today. I'm still feeling a little sore over that particular module, and I attributed it TOTALLY to the fact that my absurd behaviour towards my tutor had cost me a decent grade. Apart from that, the other grades were very much anticipated. I've gone beyond moping over my results and being calculative over the minute improvement in my CAP; I'm aiming for much higher goals next semester, and I know I'll be able to do it because I'm so very blessed to have the hugs and kisses from Jack. The darling did extremely well this semester, and I'm so proud of him. And not to mention that we did well because we played our part in our own studies, and not receiving unrequitted help from others. Then I'd rather not score well at all.
Because it's not your own effort.

Say hello

Say hello to the new family member.

My latest darling, the Nokia 6220, is a papparazzi's best friend, armed with a lethal 5-megapixel cam with Carl Zeiss len and flash. Haha. The best Christmas present from my dad. Time to get snoopy....


Yesterday night had been unbearably lonely, and I had to carry out the usual procedure of throwing my emotions from the top of Mount Everest and then trudging to the foot to pick up the broken pieces and glue them together with my darling's comforting over the phone. It's going to be another 4 miserable days this time without my darling around, but I'll learn to manage. I still have to remind myself that without my Super Sunshine around, I'm still my own Superwoman, nevertheless. I shall survive all my emotional crashes and emerge unscathed. Because I know you wouldn't want a scratch on me.

Trickery

I freaking got tricked.

The freaking family dinner is tomorrow.

To think I rushed home from retail therapy just to find that out. To think I felt so resigned to fate. Damn it.

I think I felt worse than I did so yesterday.

Because I'm stuck at home tonight with someone I'm totally abhorrent of.

Because I could have been with Jack in the afternoon and the gurlies for dinner instead of being stuck at home with someone I'm totally abhorrent of.

Because I'm stuck at home.

Fuck.

Realization...

That I can't make myself stay happy for more than 24 hours. My mood will just flop a few hours after being happy/comforted/ cheered up. I need my happy elixir within an arm's length at all times, be it the gurlies or Jack. I realised that I banked alot of my happiness on being with them instead of being with my family, and I don't feel exactly guilty about it. So whenever it's the end of the day and we've got to part ways, the sense of being directionless and emptiness would engulf me, and everything will be back to square one. I had asked Jack to take me away from all the unhappiness that I'm facing, but he deems it to be unfair to my parents. Perhaps it would only fair to take me away and relieve me of all this pain which hits me whenever I reach home. And I foresee that all this anger will just continue to sow its evil seeds across my emotional lot, and suck me into the spiral of anger. And I'm allowing myself to sink deeper, amidst all the positiveness I've been rattling on about in the past. I guess people change, only in my case it did for the worse.

And tonight, I'd have to bluff myself to sleep.
That I'm not upset that you had your way with that excuse.
That I didn't mind that insane girl brushing her hand across your arm.
That I didn't mind waiting at the bus stop at 11.49pm.
That I didn't want to help with the kitten.
That I didn't mind getting a lecture from my uncle.
That I didn't mind the sky raining on me after washing the car.
That I want to wake up early in the morning and torture myself to death on the running track.
That I'm absolutely happy after Jack's comforting.
That the results are not worrying me.
That my mum is right.
That I'm looking forward to the family dinner tomorrow.
That I won't mind not going out tomorrow.
That I won't mind not meeting Jack for 4 days.
That I won't cry myself to sleep tonight.

Just another nail

It's 6 days to Christmas and nothing much has been going my way.

My attempt to wash the car was a perilous one. I got into the car, switched on the engine, and realised the brakes have been locked. Hello?! Which smart alec asked YOU to lock the brakes? And just because YOU do it doesn't mean that everyone in your extended family has to comply with YOUR habit right? And just because you're filthy rich doesn't give you the right to exercise your money on the car. It's OUR family's car, not yours. If you think that goddammit amount of money can buy you the right to give ME instructions, you're so goddammit wrong. And I totally don't feel like seeing you tomorrow. NOT AT ALL. And I will NOT follow your instructions.

And this was the perfect test of selfishness. I think I've said enough. I just HATE IT when you said, "I don't like it" in a nonchalent, get-that-thing-out-of-my-face tone. You make me sound like the 3-year-old with the sudden bloodrush. Which I'm clearly NOT. And I'll never be like you. Because I don't wanna be like you. Because being like you is clearly sickening. And I don't feel like going home today.

Misfitting the past

I finally finished the shift from diaryland to blogspot in the morning. I'm no mean SoC student, so shifting 667 entries manually wasn't an easy task. But everything's prim and neat, without the flashy blogskins and pointers and whatnot. So welcome to my new home.

I knew the Twilight phenomenon was getting out of hand when I dropped by the library and found out from the catalogue search that EVERY SINGLE book of the Twilight series in ALL the libraries in Singapore has been loaned out. The most exaggerating fact? That EVERY SINGLE COPY of the Twilight series has been snapped up by thirsty readers. And with the sequel New Moon slated for a 2010 theatre release, I think the bookstores can place order for the Twilight series without worries. I anticipate Twilight's waves to ripple much further than those of Harry Potter, simply because of the fact that the Twilight series mesmorise readers with the mere fact that it's a matter of life and death, literally. What would you do if your lover could live forever and looks as gorgeous as he was a century ago, and you're the one who's aging and sprouting wrinkles and freckles? Would you give everything to live with your undead loved one?
Anyway to those who want to get their hands on more vampire action, you can check out Anne Rice. There's a reason why she's dubbed the best author of vampire novels.

Dinner with Jack, and I brought him to the place of all the joy and pain. West Coast Plaza (the former Ginza Plaza) was home to many memories, and the revamp was thorough enough to dilute much of the pain. I realised that I became much stronger when it came to facing my past and kicking it in the face. I know I would do anything to dissociate myself from the horrid past I had. And I had the courage, finally, to face up to it all. Plenty of hugs to top it off with, and I'll be back here to overthrow the irony of it all on Christmas Eve.



And I don't know what to do to score better next semester.

Occupying myself

It feels good to be able to go out into the crowd and feel some of the vibes, despite the long-lived rain which has been falling since morning. The initial idea to bring Mum out for lunch was killed off by the lady herself, who was recuperating from an 8-hour shopping trip yesterday. Oh well. all the better.

And all I could do after Jack finished installing his desktop was to gape in awe. The 22-inch screen made my computer screen look like some undergrown vegetable. The LCD display was beautiful as well, with vibrant colours leaping at you with every click. And the price was definitely justified. *Envious* And I could still recall him helping me choose a monitor just 11 months ago at Sim Lim, AND helping me to lug it to the MRT station. Haha. How time changes alot of things, like it changed the two of us. For the better, of course.

Despite all my whining for the past 3 days, it didn't quite pay off. Screen version of Twilight was a myriad of messy pictures and sound put together. It looked like a total disaster piece next to it's inked sibling, with the broken plots and abrupt ending (as what Jack said). But of course you have to give the director and cast credit for attempting to condense a 2-inch thick novel into a movel, and getting most of it right. Apart from Edward (who managed to hold my attention for the first half of the film), Carlisle Cullen (Edward's foster father) was the head-turner with his striking good looks and Grease hairstyle. He looked absolutely stunning. Oh, and the piano-playing part was real. Suppose no one knows that Robert Pattinson's trained in classical piano. Bella's character didn't come out right as well, with her looking more confused than confident in front of Edward most of the time. Hello?! I thought Bella was supposed to be strong, independent, plus no aversion towards Edward? Apart from that, the rest was a disaster. I was thankful Jack was there, so I could distract myself at some parts of the movie.

Stop me

Friday was considered well-spent, considering the fact that other people would have been bed-ridden from those horrid cramps. I did hoops, which was surprisingly good for the cramps. And I'm almost done with my second reading of Twilight. The story's incredibly intriguing, and it draws the reader in with fresh details that pop out of the pages with every read. Just a pity I've got a feeling the movie isn't going to be as good. Print-to-screen stuff never really sound as good as they are on screen than in ink. Perhaps it was a good thing that none of the other books are slated for the silver screen. I don't want my favourite books to become box office disasters.

There could be a couple of things I can do tomorrow.

1. Wash the car if the weather's good.
2. Do up my Christmas list.
3. Fill in my new 2009 planner for the new semester.
4. Go shopping with Mum and sis (last resort).
5. Finish reading Twilight for the second time.
6. Do hoops.
7. Change the guitar strings.
8. Clean up my table for real this time.

Anything to keep my mind from whizzing off in your direction. But I wouldn't be so sure if I can keep myself sane for however long till I'll next see you.

To love and what makes it

Before anything else, I just wanna say a huge thank you to Prof. Cheng from KK Hospital for keeping my darling healthy and kicking all these years, so that I have that especially warm hand to hold onto whenever I need them. No words can express my heartfelt gratitude.

Mahjong with the girls just now. Still not much luck, though it wasn't as bad as it used to be. (You should ask them. I used to lose all my chips by the end of 2 full rounds.) And I regrettably stuffed myself full for dinner. Yuck.

Home, and terribly hooked onto Twilight. The literature is a lighter dosage of vampires and romance as compared to Anne Rice, so it probably appeals alot to the younger reader as compared to Rice. Rice's works are more psychological, abstract, and contains much more intriguing vampiric romance, which makes it more difficult to stomach if you're a newbie to vampire novels. *Sigh* I remembered how I had hungrily devoured half the book within 3 hours amidst studying for 2220 last week. *sigh* I miss Anne Rice novels. *sigh* I think it's time for me to hit the library.

End of exams celebration

Semester 1 2008/09 has finally drawn to a close on Friday, with the NM2220 paper. I bet the 2220 paper caught everyone by surprise, because we have always been so accustomed submitting our assignments on IVLE. Writing on paper was fresh, at least for me. Thank God I finished the paper on the dot. No regrets.

And the tada surprise - Jack took half a day off to accompany me after my paper, and just take a break from work. Despite several hiccups (I'm so sorry), the day went lovingly well. And what better way to unwind than to scream those troubles out at kbox? Just a small rant - I'm totally feeling the price hike. Hello?! Don't tell me the kbox boss bought Lehman brother shares? I was totally horrified by the teatime set they served – soft-boiled eggs with eggshell fragments, soy sauce bottles with caps that fall off when you try to flavour your eggs… Okay I’m just another dissatisfied and grouchy customer. Oh, and did I tell you about our new little boy?

He’s totally adorable, and gets along well with my other little boy. Thanks to Jack – I thought I was the one who made him swear not to buy me stuffed toys.

Vivo on a wet Friday night wasn’t as bad as we thought it out to be. I was fairly disappointed when it started raining halfway through the bus trip, but it turns out the rain gave us endless ways of capturing the night scenery.

And what more can I say but to thank the special one who made all these happen.

Please let it be over soon

It's good to be able to sleep in, especially when I'm deluding myself from the fact I STILL HAVE A FRICKING PAPER TOMORROW. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse in disguise, because arranging my timetable gave me ample time inbetween the papers to study/ take a break, but on the other hand it just takes the OMPF out of the whole exam fervour. Perfect way to break the cycle. But I really wanna do well in 2220, since my CA results have been good, so I hope that this might be the optimal time to aim for an A. But look at the way I'm studying, with that 'drag-drag-drag, procrastinate, doze off, float off, Facebook' behaviour, I don't know if it's already out of reach.

Oh, and did I mention that our NUS students were actually free enough (maybe those lucky arses have finished their papers last week) to submit letters to the Straits Times online to debate over the meritocratic education system?

Exams: And producing useful graduates for society

Haha. Oh well.

And we have a wholesome bunch of adults stabbing each other in a verbal war on the ST Forum. Brilliant.

thagee38 wrote:
I don't really understand the fuss being made about the education system here.I come from a country where money =education.you don't need to have good grades in your A levels, but can still study to be a doctor, an engineer etc by paying substantial sums of money to the "Private colleges"There are so many "Private colleges " mushrooming in the whole country.Therefore mediocre doctors and engineers graduate year after year resulting in a substandard service standards.Students with real talents in sports as well as studies but with no money are never recogonised .
Conversely in Singapore,if you are a good student or have an inert talent in sports, you can get into the school of your choice and if you cannot afford the fees it comes highly subsidised. So please stop lamenting and instill in your children the love for learning and hard work, so they can acheive their goals and dreams.

some_cynic wrote:
#4:
"I don't really understand the fuss being made about the education system here."
Of course you cannot even grasp the fuss generated because you are NOT a born and bred aka NATIVE SINGAPOREAN. Duh. Similarly, I would never understand the mindset of the people of the country whence you come.

"So please stop lamenting and instill in your children the love for learning and hard work"
You still don't get it don't you, that the EDUCATION SYSTEM here does not allow the parents to instill THE LOVE OF LEARNING?? I find statements like these made by you and your fellow clueless guests of Singapore nothing but pure hubris and a waste of precious space. Not to mention, a tad rich. So, please go do something more worthwhile than making statements which you have no inkling of whatsoever.

some_cynic wrote:
"if you are a good student or have an inert talent in sports, you can get into the school of your choice"
Hah? This is something new to me, thagee38. Talent in sports can get ME into the school of my choice?

Where did you hear that from? Something that plucked from the air? Or are you referring to the Singapore Sports School? For the sake of clarification, Singapore Sports School is not subsidised. OK? Get your facts right before you make such statements that make Singaporeans' blood boil. Just so typical of you guests.

Okay I admit this guy was waaay beyond rude to treat a foreigner like this but, hey, he’s preaching the stuff we all current students are lamenting. Don’t deny, especially if you’re a student. Don’t tell me you ENJOY school curriculum, you ENJOY tests and examinations, you ENJOY homework, you ENJOY spot-quizzes, you ENJOY essays, you ENJOY rushing for projects, you ENJOY library camps, you ENJOY skipping meals to complete your work, you ENJOY mugging like mad for your papers which take up 30 per cent of your entire module mark and, more importantly, you ENJOY tuition. If you ENJOY all the above, then well and fine by me. But I didn’t.

And how I wish I could print this forum letter out and spam all those parents from my tuition centre, who dump their kids at us and expect us to groom them from F to A*. People can get SO unrealistic sometimes.

Tuition may help, but academic success is really down to the student

Good luck to all those taking NM2220 tomorrow!

Countdown 4 days to freedom

I know, my body's beckoning to me to hit the sack, after a full day of lone-ranger mugging and tuition. The lethargy is hitting harder than before, especially when, at this moment in time, less than 48 hours to my 2219 paper, I'm still 1/3 through my final revision. And I even doubt I can remember the stuff I studied today. All thanks to skipping lectures. No excuse for lousy lecturers and dry topics. I'm so screwed. What else is there to do except to press on and look totally forward to Friday.
Wait.
I still have 2220 to revise. And WHO THE HELL decided that copyright should sit in 3 of my modules? I'm supposed to learn about new media, not law. It just rubs salt into my wound, because I'm totally hopeless when it comes to political science (like my PS1101E results hollered to me), not to mention law. How intimidating, those three letters. Anyway, I'm just working towards letting my CA efforts go down the drain, considering I was hopelessly lucky in my scores for my 2220 assignments. Karma, they say.

And the hubby's first day of work... didn't turn out too well. Just watch out for his toe the next time you walk past him. I'll hit a sledgehammer over the temple of those who decide to trample on them.

Oh. And tuition. Don't mention.
I'd rather bleed to death.

Short naps and long whines

Past 48 hours have been a killer, don't ask why. I just never want to put us through it again. Because I know how it hurts to hold the tears inside and pretend that nothing has happened. But everything's ok now.

Can I say I'm uber envious of Jack who finished his exams yesterday? Well, the pros and cons of finishing papers early. You get to slack earlier, but you have to mug like mad. That was what happened to Jack, having 5 papers on 5 days. It was a mad rush, and worse when he has a very very very demanding girlfriend who's always bullying him.
lol.
He'll nod.
But he totally deserves this good 2 days to relax with his good pals, before it's a nosedive into work. Sometimes I wish I could do more for him, instead of him doing all the coaxing, comforting, ... I don't like lope-sided relationships.

But the leg-hugging talk we had yesterday (don't ask why it turned out that way) with my sis' soggy instant noodles for lunch was fulfilling, both ways. You know, sometimes the only way to solve problems is to thrash it out, albeit in a subtle way. But it's comforting to know that we can actually take time to sit down and talk about problems and issues. I think it's either I'm going bonkers from mugging 2219, or we're becoming more and more like a PR agency.

Issue tracking + environment scanning + strategic planning + objective-setting + tactic-employment + evaluation

*dodges the bullet*

Spent some good time debating with Fay over giving and taking too much last night. She was pushing for some sort of 'over-giving' idea, in the sense that if everyone gave excessively, then it would be equal. But the million-dollar question lies here: if the giver suddenly stops giving, who's going to fill that void? You? Me?
Nah, I'm not altruistic enough. I don't like to give in excess, and I feel bad about taking in excess as well. I'd say, I push for a balanced and healthy give-and-take relationship in everything, between everyone. Seriously, if everyone was that big-hearted, people wouldn't be killing their own kind whenever something goes wrong.

Okay, it's back to PR and law.

11 ways to keep your guy

Haha.
Was reading up advice on one of favourite forums, and I came across this:

Here are some advice/tips us women should follow if we want to keep the man that we are with and are in LOVE with:

1. Never ALLOW your man to dictate your whereabouts. Ladies, no matter how many times your man want to be called "daddy," they are not our daddies. We do not have to report to them. Ladies if you want to go shopping, hang with your friends {{Yes, even guy friends}}, then by all means do so. If your man asks where have you been just simply reply with "out with my friends." Besides if you ask him he will reply with the same answer.

2. Never QUESTION your man about ANYTHING if you are not totally sure about it. The first thing to know if your man is cheating is by having an assumption that he is. Now dont be the insecure one and as soon as you see him talking to a female then you think he is cheating. No, you have to be secure in yourself first. If you suspect that he is, then your JOB is to trap him so that you will have CONCRETE proof that he is cheating. A man hates to be questioned just by an assumption. He will lie his way out of it ESPECIALLY if he knows you have no evidence. Once you question him and he IS NOT cheating, it will be HARD trying to gain his trust BACK. Besides you don't like to be questioned if you know you are being FAITHFUL RIGHT??

3. Do not CHANGE for your man. He fell in love with you the WAY YOU ARE. Don't try and compete with THE JONES. Let them compete with YOU. If you were the type that dressed up everyday, made sure your makeup was in tact, and things like that then DO NOT slip and start being "too comfortable." What attracted him to you, will KEEP him with you. Besides you don't want him to stop buying you gifts just because, surprising you with dinner, or things like that RIGHT??

4. Please LEARN how to cook if you do not know how. "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach." That is so true INDEED. A man loves to be pampered, just like you do. So cook for your man just because. Men are not the only kind of humans that can surprise their partner. Just as much as you like to be wined and dined, he does TOO!

5. PLEASE your man to the BEST of your ability. NEVER say what you won't do to please your man. If you don't do it, he will find a TRICK that will. Try NEW things with him. KEEP him interested in you where he wouldn't want to go find ANOTHER freak. Have an open mind in the bedroom but if AT ALL you do not feel COMFORTABLE, let him know. If he persists then he is NOT for you in the first PLACE.

6. STOP requiring so much time with your man. Him hanging with his friends is A MUST for men. They do not want to combine his homeboy time with your time. That may sound mean but he needs that SPACE. Him chillin with his homeboys is just like you with your "girl" friends. There is no harm in that and you must have that TRUST.

7. LADIES you must TRUST your man. If he said he didn't do it or he was at this place then BELIEVE him. What is a good relationship if you can't trust the man? NEVER take the word of a TRICK over your MAN. There are other females that want what you have. DO NOT give them the PLEASURE of putting your man on the MARKET.

8. DON'T depend on your man to make the FIRST CALL. If he goes out with his friends and do not call or stop by for like 3 days, then don't fret. You go out with your friends and ENJOY yourself. If he finally comes back after the 6th day, DO NOT act like his disapperance affected you. A man, well a STRONG MAN wants a STRONG WOMAN. Show him that you can survive with or without him. Let him know that HE needs to step up his GAME if he wants to KEEP YOU because you can find someone that WILL.

9. NEVER become close with your man's BEST FRIEND. That will never work. His best friend will go back and tell your man whatever you tell his best friend. His best friend might start to like you and make moves on you and that can ONLY complicate things.

10. Meet your man's family {{Mostly mother and sisters}}. Become REAL close with them to the point where THEY will STICK UP FOR YOU. In a crisis they will tell HIM how WRONG HE IS and will CONVINCE him to go BACK with YOU. They are your Close BEST FRIENDS. KEEP them around!

11. Your FAITH must match. You can not live a Christian life and be in a relationship with a man that is not a Christian. You are unequally yoked and the Bible talks about this. If you find a man that loves God, he will treat you accordingly. Every woman wants a man like God: able to provide for her, love her, care for her, and everything in between. Finding a man that loves God, he will do just that. He knows how to treat a woman and will try his best to do no harm. Now that man IS NOT God so he will fall short everytime but with the GRACE of God he will be renewed.

author: cbshortie4eva17

Is this true? Tell me.

When there was you and me

why did i let myself believe
that miracles could happen
cuz now i have to pretend
that i don't really care

When all else fails, be the one that works

A freaking update from the earlier entry...

I busted my JS2228 paper. It was simply a matter of 'flip over, glance through the questions, try to cough up something, give up'. I can't say I didn't study, I just studied the stuff they put the least emphasis on. No luck. I think it's a constitution of sleeping late last night, waking up this morning to mug, and mugging right to the doorstep of the paper. Oh man. Was talking to Ed and Chee Yong at the Deck about the paper, and we were talking about being contented with a B-. Can I ask for a B instead? Is that too much? At least I'll feel better.
And damn that picture of the book on high collars.

Oh, and 2 weeks after my camera function died, the slide has spoilt. So technically, I can't send SMSes, because I can't slide my phone open without turning the display off. The light has died, apparently. Damn. It's all a conglomerate of bad things waiting to happen. The husband was vomiting cons of a non-monoblock phone.
Yes, darling.

And it's 3880A tomorrow.
Someone throw holy water over me.

The moment to forget

I'm 36 minutes away from my JS 2228 paper. And I'm skiving at Com Cen. You know it when the sleep pangs hit you after lunch like a hailstorm... You just wanna drift off to Lalaland.
That's my exact sentiments now, neglecting the fact that I DO have a paper to take.

I realised I've have to have people spill things on my bag everytime I go for tuition. Meixian had kindly blessed my laptop bag with her coffee from the Deck the week before, and a very sleepy Bradley split his mineral water without much hoo-haa yesterday. He didn't even bat an eyelid when I pranced out of my seat to save my drowning bag from the pool of water he had made on the teacher's desk.
How helpful.
I wonder what they teach the kids in school nowadays.

And I'm just sick of this regurgitating and forceful swallowing of facts after every paper. I absolutely don't wanna become a penguin.

Time to face my fate.

Fresh

I've decided to chuck the past few entries from June to November 2008, and start on a new page. Apparently Diaryland's weblog style is giving me piles, and I end up having entries all logged onto one page, which is excruciatingly difficult to read and load.

Thou shall stick to one per page.

Apparently I slept before 12am yesterday night, out of my own free will.

Anyway, Saturday has been extremely eventful, with my extremely horrible 2101 paper to kickstart the day. I was okay with the MCQs (Read: Multiple choice questions, but each with only 1 answer). Then the lecturers decided to exterminate us with the MCAAQs (Read: Muitiple Choice and Answers Questions). The basic idea's that they throw you a question with 5 options, and you have no idea how many of them are correct.
Bleah.
So I effectively killed my 2101 score, despite my 75% grade for 60% of overall grade.
*Sees my B+ fly away*

Lunch with the husband came as a huge relief, because it allowed me to ditch my ordeal and, with a cliched pun, carry on with life.
Ooookaaaay.
So the husband devours Mega Macs like it's animal instinct to him. 2101 wrang my brain and appetite dry, so I had the usual apple pie. I still find it amazing that the simple apple pie could ooze so much happiness and comfort.
No pun intended.

So we shifted base to my home, where I later found out that Dad was planning some celebratory feast. His official excuse was because the entire family could sit together and have a proper dinner together, after perhaps a few months. Dad has been flying in and out frequently for the past few months, while the sis just finished torturing herself in OBS. Plus, they could sit down and grill the husband. Haha. Joking. Anyway, we gave Jack a first-hand experience of our family dinners, where the table's never short of food and conversation. Plus, Mum and Dad got his favourite food!
*Jealous*
Oh. Man.
Haha. Never mind. At least they love him.

Fish

Oooookaaaaay.

So apparently Liza does know that I've been crying alot these days. And she scolded me 'so stupid' because it's my fault and yet I'm always acting like I've been victimized.
At least I admit that it's my fault, ok...
When alot of things go awry all at once, I tend to get really irrational about my emotions. And that's when things start to go really wrong, for all the wrong reasons. And the worst thing's that alot of people tend to get implicated (including the traumatized lady at the corridor who watched me bawling and walking past without noticing her). Sometimes I get really tired of myself, but can I help it? Can I stop hurting the people around me? Can I stop all this nonsense?
I don't really care if I scored 92% for my 2220 assignment. It just pissed me off further because I didn't even put in effort, so I don't deserve it. And I saw that tutor whom I hate with a vengeance.
And Jodie went home even before I could consult her.
And my ass hurts from the mugging.
And my shoulders hurt from my sis' kneading.
And I made the husband feel like the biggest sinner in the world.
And in return I made myself feel like the biggest sinner in the world.
And I'm hungry and craving Nutella.
And I lack caffeine.
And the husband's not home yet.
And I'm not in the mood to mug, but 2101's tomorrow.
And I'm getting increasingly sick of 3880.

Damn it.

P.S. Thanks to Ah Lai for the concern and encouragement. I'll heed the Dean's list guy's advice.

Fugli-ess is a crime

Funniest thing I heard today:
“Why must put a filter before the microphone? Filter off saliva?”

Been driving these few days, but the weather has been disagreeing with me. So don’t blame me for being fashionably-unsavvy by walking around with a huge rainbow-hued umbrella. If the school doesn’t want to give me free parking at Arts or build a shelter at Kent Vale, I’ll die an accidental fashion victim. And my driving skills are deteriorating; I’ll just miss getting into an accident every single time I drive. OMG. I’m turning into a road hazard. I think Ah Lai, Kailing and XuanYu will think twice before hitching a ride. The husband is just immune to it.
Or is he?

Haha, and NUS Geyao recently crowned 2 new couples! Oh my, I think I have a hard time tracing the number of couples we have. 6? And plenty of semi-couples (i.e. one party is non-Geyao) as well. Are we all cute or what?!

2219 presentation. I think Eugene simply dislikes our group. He has to make such fugly comments on everything we do, and shoot down every single thing we’re thought of. I’ll definitely look forward to not seeing him for any of my future modules.

I just took a glance at my humongous stack of 2101 notes. I should go sleep.

Stop. And think

I realised there’s a lot of things I don’t really have control over, and yet feel sore over the fact that I can’t control them. It’s like trying to blame fate for bringing me to where I am today. No matter how much I try to defer that queasy feeling of regret, of all sorts, it still comes back to me and hits me with even more veracity than I thought. I’m just so baffled with what I am outside and within, and yet I fear to prod further, for fear that the salience of much truth will overwhelm my understanding of it all.

Am I losing too much of myself to the clutter of disbelief around me?

I think I need to get used to the form of catharsis I’m subjecting my emotions to. I keep thinking it’s wrong, especially when everyone else thinks so as well. I need to find that that balance, that fine-tune to my life that will make it all easier to say I’m alright.

I think I need to stop rambling. And start thinking about being a better me to everyone else.

I'm not stressed

My mood was really horrendous for the past few days. Bad mood swings, even worse weather with all the heat, painstakingly boring lectures, end of the semester, nearing the exams, chocolate ban, cramps, dog food in school, no mugging places, horrible school staff on the bus shoving people, recording tomorrow, project deadlines, one-man project groups...

I can jolly well make you another list of another 100 things that's killing my mood.

Recording trial tomorrow! First time facing the condenser mic, and I have no idea what to expect. Yuanhong's recording threw me off my feet. It's positive stress, I hope.

Oh my. 2 weeks

Diao.

I just can't believe that this institution is a university, when it hires some people who have no general etiquette. Hands up, for those who got really annoyed at adults who stand by the queue INSTEAD of JOINING the queue. Hello?! Does being adults give you the excuse to for your own priority queue? We people spent 15 minutes snaking in the queue, and we get such low-class citizens jumping queue. I won't even mention the race of the ADULT couple who did so, amongst some others whose faces I was too infuriated to catch. Don't get me started on that, or else I'll be offending a fifth of the world's population. And did I mention that the lady actually made that tsk sound and making comments like "Ooei ask them to move in leh!" when SHE was the one who wanted to barge onto the bus? What has the world become.

And I'm guilty of skipping lectures recently, just to complete my projects. JS project has just been cleared yesterday, while 2220 and 2101 will be cleared by this Friday. I seriously need to start studying. 2101 is 2 weeks away.

Tuition has been a nightmare, with nightmare kids to handle. The pay rise was definitely justified.

When life is a dance

Just before I could blog about the perfect place we found for mugging, it has become infested with our comrades.
Wrong.
Just our schoolmates. I don’t really like to associate myself with people from other planets.

Today was pretty eventful, firstly with me screwing up my 3880A presentation (I think my group members can’t wait to get their fists in my face), then with me screwing up my JS2228 argument during tutorial. I thought my entire day would be terribly screwed, and even more so when I was late for tuition, and my tuition kids happened to give me the silent treatment for the 3 hours I was there. “Damn it”, I thought. And at this point of time, when I have a 1000-word part-of-an-essay to hand in tomorrow, I’m still blogging. Great.

Great things to look forward to:

Wrapping up JS2228 Project tomorrow
Wrapping up NM2101 and NM2220 Project on 7/11
Cashing that cheque
Passing that S.H.E my mum bought for Jack to him
Shen Mu Yu Tong concert on 13/11
Study break

The boyfriend and I happened to be having this ‘conversation’ in the library just now.

[I was complaining about this pair of noisy students yakking loudly at the computer booth, when it was obviously a library]

Mr. J: They tink this is ***** mah…
Cows = goats = dogs
Dogs can be classified into b***hes and b***h f**kers

Hence, ***** people in ***…those in front of us…= b***hes and b***h f**kers

[Then we were talking about this Facebook photo posted by Kailing.]

Ms. J: You look as though i bullied u.
Hen wei qu.

[At this point of time, the boyfriend gave the -_- expression.]

[The guy seated opposite us was blasting Jay Chou songs. I wasn’t exactly appreciative.]

Ms. J: The person is deaf.

Mr. J: No only deaf, retard also… Brain got so much shit it overflowed into his ears
Ms. J: He listen to songs from dunno which era.
Mr. J: The era where zhou cai dong is still a little boy, and not the b*****d now
Ms. J: Nono. I think it’s from the time when Zhou Cai Dong is still a
zygote in his mum’s womb.
Mr. J: Tot he came from the toilet pipe outside lt11?
Ms. J: -_-

[After a while…]

Ms. J: Omg it’s Shan Hu Hai.
Mr. J: Now then u realized.
Ms. J: Naturally. Anything from cai cai is filtered out of my system.lol

Mr. J: 15 more mins? Bfore we leave?

Mr. J: I love u
[Censored conversation]
Mr. J: I got 7 more slide. U?
Ms. J: I have the whole internet.
Mr. J: Most imptly I got u

Okay. Don’t stone me.
Time to work on 2101.

If only...

If only I could have ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday.
If only I could stop snacking.
If only I could bring out that huge eraser and remove all the unhappiness I had in secondary school.
If only I had fallen in love with you earlier.
If only I could have fries and not feel guilty about it.
If only I could stay by your side everyday.
If only my sister would stop gorging herself.
If only I could stop checking my phone every 5 minutes for your SMS.
If only time could stop, so that I wouldn’t think that time is passing too fast for us.
If only Dad would Skype me now.
If only I could stop listening to these emotional songs.
If only I could stop procrastinating.
If only I could stop myself from wondering why you’re not online.

Lalaland-ing

Another nightmare week. The weekend is always welcome, because it signifies time to play catch-up, work on those approaching deadlines, and breathe.

So Jurong Entertainment Centre will be torn down tomorrow. A significant part of my schooling life was spent there, from primary school all the way up to JC, so the girls and I took the last chance to have a small gathering at the MacDonald's outlet there. Recalling how JEC was like 6 years ago, how I got a tummyache after eating at the Kobayashi outlet for the first time, how the theatres are still equally lousy, how we always took neoprints there... And we can't stop Capitaland from taking this building away from us, so the least we could do was to stay til closing time. To us, JEC was more than just a meeting venue for fast food and entertainment; it is 10 years of colourful memories.

And a huge apology to the husband for returning home at such an unearthly hour. I felt absolutely horrible to find out that you couldn't get to sleep.

Time to go find the hubby in Lalaland.

Maybe things aren't what you think

You know how, sometimes, a flashing moment from the past hits you, and nostalgia starts flowing. Seriously, I'll hate to recall anything from the past. I want to ditch it all behind.

Contrary to belief, I TOTALLY hated secondary school. Yes, I'm digging out the skeletons from the closet. You see, I've always been stuck in a class of 10 (or less) girls, and about 30 guys. I didn't appreciate what the school system did for me; I didn't like it. I wanted to climb up the ladder and tear myself away but, hey, look what destiny did to me. I was stuck with about the same bunch. Only this time, I hated it even more.

Don't think I'm really contented with life with you all just because I didn't return all the taunting and soft bullying I was subjected to. You know what?! I really hate to say this, but I had more fun in JC when I finally had the chance to breathe and distant myself from the past. The clear mind I had before my A Levels just proved how much I needed myself to be rescued from the spiral in secondary school.

And if you ask me if I regretted saying all this, no. I'd rather spill it all than to continue being laughed at by my reflection.

Insane

Just to max out whatever's left of my braincells.

Things I hate to do alone:
Having meals
riding on the MRT
spacing out
going to sleep
mugging in the library
driving
falling sick
waking up
feeling hungry
watching HSM

If I could make 'rushing for projects' a major subject, I'll be on Dean's List every semester and top the cohort with First Class Honours.

Love to us

Things went imperfectly beautifully. These included a very comprehensive group meeting, as well as a great day with the boyfriend.

I find it crazy that we're constantly worrying about the same problems over and over again, but that's what keeps us going so strong. The obscenely repetitive chats we have, the lengthy discussions on everything under the sun... It's not just a romantic relationship, but one which encompasses of elements I find in a friendship, a campanionship, a learning journey, and kinship. Yes, silly me still gushes at the fact that I'm so stuck to you, and so very reliant emotionally on you. And I still marvel at the chemistry we have. Seriously, if there's anyone who echoes my thoughts while they appear in my head, it's you. It's you who knows that I wanted to walk from Bugis to the Esplanade, it's you who knows I wanted to walk into Gramaphone to check out the HSM 3 soundtrack, and it's still you who reads that crystal ball of my every single thought. And I'm so very lucky to be so very in love with the right person.

Happy 8th month to us. :)

To give up, or not to give up

When girlfriends hang out, they become mad people. And what's a hangout without good food (Sushi Tei), good recreation (neoprints) and good company?

Waiting for more photos from Fay, but we'll just have to settle for all these first.

In the meanwhile, I'm still fighting my decision to take Monday classes. Seriously, I'm not really keen on the change of timing (the 'management', as what they call themselves, drew up an impossible timetable), because most parents are taking their children off the list. And the 'management' still hasn't come to their senses. Sometimes, I really wonder why am I still lingering in the center when I have better pay prospects out there with no bonds, no 'management' to accomodate, no screaming kids, no rigid timetables and no lingering eyes over the class. Little wonder Hong Ying and Jessica are not committing. Maybe I should weigh my options as well.
Perhaps the only consolation I had yesterday was having one of my students top her class in English. And this has been all I needed to fuel my engine.

And my aunt had to come down and start nagging at me early in the morning.
'You better eat more walnuts since you're not eating meat.'
'How heavy are you ah? 50kg?'
'You better take milk instead of soymilk. It's not enough nutrition for you.'
'Don't go on a diet ah.'
'Don't be too picky. Just eat your food, no need to choose.'
I'm going crazy. She makes it sound as though I'm on the verge of being admitted to IMH for an eating disorder. But those who know me knows that I wouldn't give up good food for the world.
What the...

Another day without the boyfriend.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

It's been a long time since I caught a musical. I even forgot that the actors and actresses actually had to sing.
*laughs*
Anyway, we were lucky to catch the first show of the movie on the premiere day (today) with good seats and at a relatively good price. Although I can't really agree with the way the actors handled their relationship with each other (it's perhaps due to the plot or something's just... not right), I loved the songs in the movie. Not much was elaborated about the leads (the producers had expected all audience to be such hard-core fans of HSM), so I was pretty lost at the start. But it kind of synced with what I captured from HSM 1, so it wasn't that bad.
But Zac and Vanessa are just cute.

I don't know what the head honcho is doing, but I'm pretty lost as to how to continue from here. I just hope those poor children won't become victims of poor coordination.

Define time

It's rare for me to get really pensive deep into the dead of the night, especially when I've had a draining day. It's just that when multiple facades of reality hits you, it's pretty difficult to just reject the notion of their reality; you can't just ward them off.

To start it off, congratulations to Kane and his girlfriend on their first year anniversary! I'm totally apologetic for not hearing you holler my name across the lift lobby (I'm turning deaf as a by-effect of overworking, I guess). Anyway, anyone should have just seen the cute couple, with the girl cuddling a purple bouquet of red roses! Okay, I'm just drawn to the fact that the bouquet is purple, since I don't really give a damn about flowers.
I kind of pity Jack, suddenly, for having a girlfriend who hates flowers and almost all stuffed toys.
*Tsk*
Kane did joke that he won't need to count anniversaries in months anymore. Omg. The farmer strikes back.

*Laughs*

Making mad rushes for project deadlines (I finally knew why they were called 'deadlines' - apparently they all harbour the idea of murder via harakiri), ditching time spent at home (sometimes, I really wish I could run away from all the unhappiness that happens within the confines of those four walls), managing friends (I'm still figuring a way to please everyone. And I'm still failing miserably when it involves coming into terms with my own conscience), appeasing groupmates (something escapism won't suffice), finishing my readings (I realized that I have no time to attend lectures, let alone do my readings), and ,of course, spending time with the boyfriend. Jack and I have become faithful mugging partners cum gossip partners cum lunch partners cum each other's Aunt Agony. I know people are going to hit back with laments that I'm too stuck to the boyfriend, but seriously, if you think you can do a better job as a all-in-one boyfriend, then you can jolly well draw up a challenge against him. By that I'm not saying that my other friends are inferior to him, but you have to recognize the fact that the only person whom I can get stuck to whenever I feel like and not feel guilty about taking up his time, uttering nonsensical stuff, messing up his hair, poking him in the rib once every 5 minutes, giving him huge bear hugs, irritate him with mindless accusations and still get him to smile for me, is Jack.
Oh great.
I just made myself sound like a nightmare of a girlfriend.

Time to hit the sack.

When something you know suddenly becomes estranged

I almost broke into tears during the second part of the JS lecture.
Host clubs.
It's not about the kind of false dreams intricately woven into beautiful lies to con these women into parting with their hard-earned money. Neither is it about the heart-wrenching stories behind the glitteri and D&G. It’s… this entire façade built by both the men and the women themselves to deceive, guess who, the women. Of course, I was mercilessly bombarded by the hard and cruel fact of those lives along the streets of Minami, Osaka. Everyone’s heard about the girls who sell their smiles and bodies, but what about the otokos with the starched suits and umbrellas serving the women in host clubs? Who’s interested in their stories? We’ve always been viewing the men as perpetuators of the ‘industry that sells smiles and sex’, but have we ever peered into through the doors of these kurabus to see what’s going on? Sure, there’s definitely enough sleazy activity going on, but who’s listening to the boys? Who’s listening? Or what about the girls? Are we always stereotyping these customers as middle-aged women with stashes of money to shower these ‘flower boys’ with, when in actual fact a large portion of customers are young ladies with small paychecks. Yet for the sake of indulging themselves in the beautiful lies and gentlemanly disposure of these ‘hosts’, which they claim to be absent in most Japanese men, they were willing to pay for that ‘temporary love’ they claimed money could buy. And, sad to say, many turned to the flesh trade in order to fuel the drug-like addiction of being loved.

*sigh*

It's like thinking that you know alot about the men and women, when actually you've just stupified yourself.

It’s no wonder why I’ve been somewhat listless recently.

I need more little tickles!

Yahoo-ing wonders

Being the overly-bored with snipping articles about the tainted milk scandal in China from 2 weeks' worth of newspaper, I decided to fool around with the Yahoo! search engine. You never know what you can excavate from such marvellous inventions. So I Yahoo-ed 'nus geyao' (since I can't say 'Googled')and this was what I got:

Of course, NUS Geyao's number 1~

Omg I unravelled my disgusting performance during our musical last year.

My blog popped up. On the second page.

And there's Geyao senior Bevlyn Khoo's blog~

There's William's blog on the third page, alongside Ah Lai's blog.

I chanced upon an interview ,dating back to 2006, where funkygrad.com interviewed Kailing and co. And there's this particular question and this particular answer from some senior *chuckles*:
Q: Does being in love give you good fodder for songwriting?
A: When there is no love, my songs have no feel. When I'm in love with a girl, the songs have different vibes.
Haha. True.

Now I know why Kailing found it a breeze to find my blog.
Welcome to the world of the not-so-clean-mouthed Julie.

Horrid day

Maybe I've taken the same hit so many times, I've grown accustomed to the sort of abuse I'm bound to be subjected to. But the brain doesn't stop remembering, event after event, and the heart doesn't stop aching with every goodbye and hello. If you had taken time to pore through alot of the things that you shouldn't have said, you'll feel alot more remorseful than you are. But I'll still love you all, even if the pain you've inflicted on me is exponential amounts of the love I gave. And you won't stop me from loving, if that's what you lack.

The kids are giving me a hell load of problems, alongside the adults. Parents have been pushing the fault of their kids' bad grades on us, the part-time, underpaid, mistreated, mentally abused, overstressed and definitely misunderstood tutors. Parents still don't get the point that the ones who are ultimately skiving are THEIR own kids, not the tutors. In the first place, you can't say that we're doing this plainly for the sake of money, because we are paid PEANUTS. It's not even enough to cover the trauma your misbehaving kids caused us. So we're not as money-minded as you think. Secondly, you can't expect YOUR child to be performing well if YOU, as a PARENT, can't play YOUR part, to motivate YOUR kid to study. We always get alot of parents who lament "Aiyah, at home I also cannot control my boy, so have to send him here to discipline him mah." For God's sake, if you can't keep your accident on a leash, do you think we can domesticate them? You should be thankful to know that you are not the one bearing the brute of YOUR kid's trashy homework, illegible handwriting and the monkey business they get down to whenever we turn our backs. Then you get the horrid bosses who think they can get away with alot of things by the fact that they're moneypots, and discard responsibilities just by saying "I don't know" and "I'm not sure". ASK, you bloody fool.

And I'm so utterly disgusted by myself for feeling downright upset over alot of trivial matters. Sometimes, I can get so naive, I hate myself for it. All I know is, everytime I need a listening ear, I know I still have your shoulder to lean on and that faithful ear for my monotonous and repetitive bemoaning.

Another fulfilling day

Who on Earth holds meetings at 9pm?!

*Shrugs*

It's been a long time since I last planted myself in the library to mug. Didn't last long today; apparently it becomes really cold after about an hour. My fingertips are like thermostats; they turn white when it's at freexing point, and purple when it's beyond freezing point.
*Laughs*
And not to mention, I had a very productive mugging session at the club room, with Jack by my side (despite being very much a huge distraction). Haha.

And I love the way I get to hold that very warm hand of yours (don't ask me why I always ask you why your hand's always that warm) and keep you by my side.

*loves*

Still my super sunshine

I had to screw up our date.

Some deaf guy at the ground-floor ticketing outlet at The Cathay gave us the tickets to Vicky, some M18 sexually explicit movie inside of Painted Skin, which Jack wanted to watch. Hello?! Do we look so hot-blooded that we needed to watch some teenybopper movie which shows boobs and dicks?
*Pissed*
And the worst part was that I didn't check the tickets, so we only realised that we had the wrong tickets after Jack told me when I came out of the washroom. But I really want to commend the Cathay counter staff, especially the ticketer named Akio, who gave us a refund for the tickets. Although I'll choose to believe that my pissed off face was the ultimate reason for the kind gesture by the cinema staff. Nevertheless, a million thanks to them.

But my mood was still suffered a beating.

Thank God we had Settlers' to bank on, so that made me perk up a little from my moody emotions. Tried EVO, high society, and some other game that I can't remember. Thanks to Gerlyn and Gordon, we enjoyed ourselves for that 2 hours.

Maybe I could have stopped you; perhaps I could have influenced you to say no to certain things, but I chose to let you be free and have the freedom to choose. I don't know if being there to control you and put a stop to things I knew I didn't like would be a good thing or not. I just knew that if you're happy with the way things are, then I'll be equally contented as you are.
But I'm not.
This internal struggle affects everyone in some way or another, but I guess my case is just worse, because things keep repeating themselves, so this recurring feeling in the throat just keeps swelling each time. But I love the way we always iron out things, be it to thrash it out or have teary talks.

And that's what makes us so real.

Happy 7th month, love.

Singapore GP

Finally had lunch with Chia, Mary and their new colleague Lisa. It's been such a long time, I swear, since I saw them. They were asking why I didn't bring my boyfriend alone and this and that and... Anyway we'll probably be meeting for dinner on Monday night to celebrate Chia's birthday. We'll see.

The Singapore GP circuit technology is simply brilliant, and you have to be there and then to witness it all. No, not the Ferrari and Maclaren and BMW monster cars revving their engines at the start line, but real-time super cars cruising down Marina Boulevard and sweeping gusts of wind into your face. Having dozens of Ferraris, Porsches, Aston Martins, and even the Lamborgini slowing down to filter out and then revving their engines to speed down right before our very eyes... And strangely enough, each car had a middle-aged driver with the million-dollar look and a very leggy and young Asian girl at their side.
Oooook.
Of course, Jack and I had to check out the really cool circuit lights and those barricades, so we walked all the way from Bugis after our dinner to wherever we had access to (the furthest we got to was just before the Singapore Flyer), then we anchored ourselves at the cordoned off junction just outside Suntec to witness that whole procession of "to-die-for" cars. And the Lamborg driver saw Jack snapping a photo of his car and (gasp!) slowed down. For a moment I wanted to pull Jack off the curb and run for dear life. Then I saw the driver turn to look at us, then he revved his engine and in a second he was gone.
Phew.
For a moment I thought that guy wanted to get off and, like some celebs, start to punch whoever's taking photos of them. There's a reason why I take photos of cars from the back. Anyway, we had the inital idea of hunting down the entire entourage of beautiful cars, but security was tight and all the hotels we went to didn't have Ferraris parked at the porch, so we decided to call it a day. Talk about the perks of having a girlfriend who's into cars.
*Grins*
Photos are at the other blog.

And I've been running emergencies these few days. Wednesday night, when my sis suffered a massive nosebleed from "over-excavation", and this afternoon, when that same troublesome fella had to lug all her books home for revision. Hello?! Can I charge $5 booking fee, $80 emergency fee, $2.80 for street pick-up and midnight charges?

Time to mug. I've been slacking for 24 hours already.

The Ark Cafe

I think I really learnt my lesson about mugging last-minute.

Anyway, disappearing from this space for close to a week didn't seem very significant to me; I'm still trapped in this horrible mugging cycle. Just when one nightmare ended with the submission of the annotated biblio, I realised that the arrival of the mid-term break is going to be another week-long nightmare to endure. The amount of readings piled up over the past two weeks are threatening to break my back, and projects are just going nowhere. I think I'm simply not concentrating hard enough.

The first visit to The Ark Cafe, or what we know affectionately as MuChuan, yesterday was lovely, although the sad fact about passionate music lovers dwindling in numbers continues to harp on me up to this moment. The cosy cove was... empty. It was 8.30pm when we arrived, and the place was stark, disregarding the singers and the service crew. I remembered Kailing telling us that the singers perform for absolutely no fees, and I felt that it was only for the very love for music and performance that those very talented singers were willing to sacrifice their nights there, sometimes singing to nobody.
And I totally salute them for that.
The visit totally debunked my initial thinking that Muchuan singers are pretty haughty, after finding out that they're absolutely friendly and, as long as you don't come up with weird song dedications like techno or dance tunes, they're more than happy to perform the songs you picked. Oh, and did I mention that we have a Geyao senior performing there as well? She was in Kailing's batch, so the amount of fun and laughter we had yesterday was unimaginable. I was totally fixated on her fingers dancing on the keyboard while she belted out songs I could never have attempted before, and her accompanying singers were of a pretty good standard as well. Their singer's version of Chong Bai totally thrashed the version I did at SuperSnacks last semester. Of course, being the "descendents" of NUS Geyao, what's a night without juicy gossip and mindless jokes about Geyao seniors? I bet someone's eyebrow must have been jerking for the whole of last night.
*Laughs*
I particularly liked the joke by our Geyao senior a.k.a Muchuan resident keyboardist that some Geyao senior (who used to be resident keyboardist at theArk) had such perfect pitch that if he heard a car screech he'd say "that's a C sharp.".
*Laughs*
And the cappucino was good. I don't know what happened to Jack's and Kailing's and Eugene's drinks.

Anyway, just a short advertisement for Muchuan, simply because I think they totally deserve this:

The Ark Music Cafe
45 Boon Keng Road
ArkHub@Kallang
#01-04
Kallang Community Club
Boon Keng MRT Station - Exit B
www.theark.com.sg

I swear I'll go back there soon with some other friends.

And it's tragic when I can hear the exploding fireworks from the LAntern Festival celebrations at the Chinese Garden but I can't see it from here.

*Sighs*

Bye bye world, it's back to mugging.

Oh, and did I mention that Zikry gave a pink flower he made himself? He said that it was my birthday last week, so it was my belated present. And the my Primary 3 class threw this pseudo surprise party for me during class. Now you know why I can't tear myself away from them.

Happy Birthday to me

Those who have had me preach to them about Astrology would know that I'm totally head over heels into such stuff, despite the skepticism alot of people have in it. "It's not scientifically proven," they say.
Haha.
Anyway, something here to make my birthday yet another very happy day in my life.

From: Gurl.com
Virgo + Virgo =

When two Virgos join together in a love match, they are likely to structure their lives in beautiful conjunction. The merging of two incredibly practical, industrious sorts such as these creates an incredibly devoted and doting couple although public displays of affection will be rare. Though their shared perfectionism and skepticism could lead to conflict, the level-headed Virgo duo will quickly resolve any disputes and move on to more pleasant times. The Virgo-Virgo relationship runs like a well-oiled machine, particularly for couples who live together. There is never any confusion over the delegation of responsibility, and both partners feel quite comfortable with this arrangement. Making lists, balancing accounts and keeping the affairs in order are second nature to both partners. They share a discriminating palette and exquisite taste. As long as they aren't too harsh with one another, their relationship will be fulfilling in every way.
Virgo is ruled by the Planet Mercury. This Planet represents communication, and indeed this is Virgo's shtick. As a romantic couple, both are tuned in to one another's frequencies. Virgo is often able to read the nuances of words and gestures and take in an analytical meaning. One of the strongest points of the relationship is open and honest communication. Also, the reasoning and logical abilities of two Virgos together can quite possibly solve all the world's problems. They are a versatile and brilliant team. Virgo is an Earth Sign, thus indicating a practical nature. Also, they are a couple who likes to be surrounded by and own elegant things, and who won't settle for second best. It is worth it to hold out for something perfect, rather than to allow for anything less. Virgo exercises caution before moving forward, and they are the first to determine the best action for everyone to--even if it involves sacrifice. Pickiness makes the Virgo-Virgo team a wonderful romantic couple. Virgo is a Mutable Sign. They are easily adaptable to any situation or any social setting. There is rarely conflict between them, but when it does arise it is quickly brushed over. Neither is too pushy or domineering, and they share an equal enthusiasm for one another's pursuits. Virgo always follows through, and two of them together doubles this energy and makes a very happy couple. What's the best aspect of the Virgo-Virgo relationship? It's their levelheaded and structured approach to life, work, fun and commitment. They're incredibly compatible, and this obvious to them and to their friends. Together, they make a wonderful pair for pleasing one another and working on the perfect relationship.

So I'm the happy girl, despite the still-very-huge pile of notes stuffed in my face.

Sleeping, aging

Happy Birthday to the self-denial in me. I feel so much of an old hag now that I can't tell people that I'm still a teenager (by universal definition).

Thanks for my very first birthday present. I kind of freaked out; I mean, will I ever get to use it before the white cotton gets eaten up by worms? Haha. But it was nevertheless a lovely present. Thanks babes. The breakfast session was priceless.

Anyway, have I lamented the fact that the tuition centre has changed hands? Cherie basically told this absolutely huge white lie to the parents and children, while the new bosses seem very horrible. It's just some inbuilt reflex gag I have when it comes to meeting new people who will never seem to be on par with what I had last time. I could see that some of the children were somewhat uncertain and all that, and some are still very much attached to Cherie. If they could be inefficient enough to miss the opening hours of their own tuition centre, I don't see why things can't get worse in future. The only consolation I have whenever I go there is that the children's voices will always be ringing out to me for my help.

I need to sleep.

Dead as a salted fish

You know how it feels like when a sudden rush of adrenaline transcends that tiredness which has been hounding you for days on end; you literally jump out of your seat and start acting like Bananas in Pyjamas. At least that's what dark choco from the boyfriend does.

Geyao yesterday was pretty alright, although I kind of just blamed everything on Geyao; I can't finish my work, I have no time to study for my test, I don't get enough sleep, I get home late, I skip meals (ok I don't skip meals, for one), I lose my temper...
But I still love Geyao and all my peeps there, and also for the love it brought into my life.

Did an interview with the co-founders of one of the dating agencies in Singapore. Haha. Alright I didn't manage to dig really juicy stuff which is too explicit for publication, but at least some rumours about the dating scene got straightened out. And I still laugh to myself occasionally whenever I think about the interview content. Thank God I don't need matchmaking to seal my fate.
I seal my own fate.

NM2219 Mid Term tomorrow, NM2220 News Story due tomorrow, Tuition on Saturday, birthday dinner on Saturday, Jack's cousin's wedding dinner on Sunday, NM3880A Mid Term on Monday.

I'm, like, so dead.

Homework constipation

Sometimes you don't really have to take a long time to realise how much you're treasured.

A pleasant surprise for everyone in the family, to have you deliver supper and examination rations for every single person in the family. My little sis was grinning from ear to ear when I handed her the strawberry chocolate and told her that Kor Kor bought it for her. My mum just got pretty worked up because the chocolates were of Japanese origin, so they would have cost a bomb, and she was partially worried that he had to make the long journey to and fro. SEE. My parents are so much more concerned about him than they are over me.
*laughs*
And I'm the girl with the huge smiley because I've got dark choco from my darling, via boyfriend courier services.
*Hugs*

Life's been a bitch these few days, with all the examinations crammed into these 2 weeks and a whole load of assignments, readings, etc. etc. I was slightly regretting that I was taking a level-3000 module this semester, because I'm kinda un-seasoned for seminar-style lessons. The 3880A seminar never fails to throw me off my guard everytime I enter the classroom.
I'm totally freaking out.

And Geyao activities just add to everything else. Not that I hate it, it's just that everything seems to be gushing out of this small crack, and I feel totally suffocated.

My new mugging haven after Supersnacks closed down.

And it's back to more cramming and mad rushing.

For the love of it all

I'm unbelievably lazy.

Been buzzing around for the past few days (weeks, rather), busy-ing myself with cartfuls of readings and Geyao matters. I'm slightly more than just exhausted.

Streaming yesterday! Thanks to all Geyao freshies who came down to pit themselves against the stringent expectations of the senior vocalists! Jack looked as though he could collapse any moment after the gruelling 3-hour session. Now I finally know how Kailing and William felt after streaming the freshies. I guess tempers flared again yesterday, and things could have worked out peacefully if the clash of ideas could be ironed out nicely instead of having fingers pointing at each other. I had to make the ultimate escape to avoid being thrashed in the tussle among the seniority. I'm just dreading the first session, simply because I haven't started doing my brainstorming for the practice list, and we won't be having the full band.

Had a short chat with Mr. Chua from Media Writing class during tutorial today, and he's telling me that I should strive to break into the literature market with Media writing. Ya right... I can't even make my writing sound coherent, let alone take on the Chinese people and their language. Of course, everyone's waiting to swim to the opposite shore, but the sacrifices and hard work involved isn't some simple task. It's going to take alot more than just sweat and blood. And that's the reason why I admire media people so much.

And a happy 22nd birthday to my darling.

Sleep x infinite

It seems as though I've triumphed over the stinging feeling of hunger and fatigue; I've went past the stage of lapsing in and out of consciousness while poring over my NM3880A readings.
I'm incredibly wide awake now.

Sometimes, I have absolutely no idea as to how to manage those kids. They can absolutely infuriate me with their behaviour, and still make me smile at the end of the day. And this is to all the teachers who are putting up with the nonsense from their students, with no regards to how old these prats are.
Happy Teachers' Day.

As I heave a sigh of relief this very moment, I'll have to prepare to take it back the next minute.
*Sighs*

Green Carnival 2008

MD Shaun and Ah Lai and MD YuQing

MD Yuki

I loved the Green Carnival for the fact that the lot got to try whole new styles of song presentation. Still, I think our strength is still in presenting Mandarin pop. Great music, despite the crazy practice schedules and the clash with the Welcome Tea, but it was timely advertising.

Welcome Tea 2008

With Jack chairing this year's Welcome Tea, the least I could do was to lend a helping hand. The music made still amazed me, and the chemistry, although slightly shaky, was enough to pull off both days without much glitches. Of course, we had the not-so-fun parts of moving band equipment up and down YIH (that could have been a good thing after all). But it was all worth the while. Thanks to all instrumentalists, vocalists, seniors (esp. Winson, Raymond and Kailing) and the wonderful audience we had who packed the function rooms to maximum capacity on both days. You are all the motivation we need to keep making music 'live', and I'm totally looking forward to streaming session next week (or you can say I'm plain sadistic. *Laughs*).

And there is no greater joy than to drag Jack around Orchard Road with me.
ROFL.

Yes I still do

The last thing I remembered before I concussed was watching my computer screen black out. And I had no recollections for the next 2 hours, until I jolted up in pain because my right hand had this stinging sensation from the lack of blood. I can never really get enough sleep, can't I?

Cherie had to remind me to collect my paycheck when I went for tuition yesterday. I'm terribly absent-minded. And the two reputable monsters of the tuition centre seemed harmless. Alex and his younger brother Nicholas, on the other hand, were sooooo cute! I had the rash impulse to pinch Nicholas' cheeks, but I figured I had to behave myself in front of the children. Another consolation of the day was hearing from two of my students that they did well for their CA. I felt that tolerating their nonsense was well worth it after all.

And I made the husband angry again, for the Nth time. I should be beheaded the next time I turn up late, or I'll never be able to live with this guilty conscience of mine. Now I know why it has been raining for days on end. Anyway, it was another board-gaming session at Gordon's house with half of my brain cells burnt off from the tuition sessions, so it was little wonder I got trashed for all games. And I loved the conspiracy with Gerlynd during Containers! It effectively pissed off both the boyfriends, and we had a kick out of it.
*Laughs*
Then the couple brought us out for ice cream at 10.45pm. I know it sounded insane, considering we left the ice cream parlour close to midnight. A huge thanks to Gordon for sending Jack and me home, and for the chat we had on the way. Haha I didn't know there was someone else who was tracking my relationship with Jack; Gordon even remembers that Jack and I are almost 6 months old! Jack's got a good friend, after all. And omg Gerlyn's a lucky girl, despite the fact that they fight like the greatest rivals ever. They seem so much like my parents.
*laughs*

And it suddenly dawned upon me that 6 months ago, I was still an irrational person who almost veered towards the wrong lane. And then someone came and pulled me out of my day dreams and into this fairytale that I never want to say goodbye to. And I still very much miss you even though I just said goodbye less that 24 hours ago, and will meet you less than 24 hours later.

Geyao rocks

I was actually pretty happy with the outcome of today's band practice. Although 'Big Yellow Taxi' is still giving the husband some problems, but I believe he'll work it out. It's a psychological thing, I'm sure. And I believe YY's caught a bug or something, because he's been coughing for the past week or so. All of us are praying. But apart from the occasional glitches, I guess you can never go wrong with Shaun (our event MD!) on the drums, YuQing on the keyboard, ZhangDa on lead guitar, CaiYu on bass and the JiaHui on acoustic guitar.
We basically rock.
Oh and not forgetting the our Welcome Tea on the 27th and 29th! Omg we're still very much tied up with other stuff but, press on everyone, I believe we'll put up a fantastic show for everyone's listening pleasure!
And I'm totally looking forward to the new batch of Geyaorians! I love streaming when I'm not the one being streamed~!
*Evil laughter*

Oh man. And my timetable just got screwed! I'm supposed to empty my Tuesdays, but now I've got 2101 tutorial instead! So much for being so proud of myself for emptying out one day... CORS is one screwed system.

And I foresee myself being forklifted out of my bed tomorrow morning. Her Majesty has ordered for my royal accompaniment for her shopping trip tomorrow, so I should go hit the sack now.

I love you, I'm just sorry

I didn't have the intention to drag myself out of bed this morning. And I dind't have the intention to lug my laptop to school, if it hadn't been for the fact that CORS didn't want to give me the tutorial slot that I wanted. Omg the world sucks.

Gordon can mock all he wants, but I just had the best bread pudding of my life yesterday at Quality Hotel. And I'll gladly pay $10++ just for bread pudding alone.
*Screams*
And it acts as another huge incentive when we've had 7 hours of board games before that and our brain juice was just drying up.

Omg I feel like hell. I just hate offending people I love, and then regretting it because I don't know how to heal those wounds.
I'm such a horrible bitch.

I need to wake up now.

Down and broken

Shucks.

I didn't feel like waking up today, if it hadn't been for the fact that I've got Mini-you staring down at me the moment I pried my eyes open. It's miraculous to see how attached I can grow towards a stuffed toy, considering how taboo they were in my life. Now it's become the extra push I need to wake up every morning. Perhaps I realised that I shouldn't be wasting the time we have.

Alot of things came crashing down. Apart from the mangled band practice on Friday, yesterday wasn't much better with alot of ignorant people around. I was hoping that those people would let me off, considering it wasn't quite the occasion to discuss such matters. But they chose to disappoint me, time and again.
*Sighs*
So again, I reiterate my point here. I'm not interested in entertaining those very blatant questions, because you won't get those answers you're hoping for. I don't have a thing for compliance, so it's either you give up your questioning and let live, or continue to ask questions with no answers to them.

I feel so crumpled up.

And I'm so sorry for calling so late at night. I just needed to seek solace, and I knew you had it.

I need to wake up

Felt really quashed at the end of yesterday. 3 lectures to rush in and out of, and plenty of stairs to climb. The first week of school didn't seem so much of a bed of roses after all, despite having my tuesdays and thursdays free. And I freakin' need to beat that winding queue at the Central Forum bookstore and get my NM textbook by next Monday.

Band practice wasn't as satisfactory, partially because we were robbed of our main instrumentalists and vocalists. Oh, and the disappearing people as well. Sometimes some people need to get their prorities right. It's no use doing well in academics when you live such a sad life trying to burrow under huge stacks of books (and money, in future) and anime. I really wonder if being nice to you is a crime. And I'm calling out to those bigheads at Chinese Society; please, if you wish to have our people perform there in future, kindly tell us at least a month in advance, or PAY us. It's simple; money makes the world go round, especially in our case, since it's always been CS which has been keeping our membership fee. And it matters even more now that I'm handling the accounts. I just hope it won't be too pressing for Jia Yan to keep handling the claims from us.

And now I have to figure out a way to cheer the husband up.

Shucks.

To be continued...