The gift of giving

I think Mark is one gorgeous boy.

I meant Mark the retired racehorse.

Despite often telling people in a patronising manner that I work for the sake of earning a keep, I've sought another perspective - to change people's lives for the better, be it during or after office hours. Thank you to all the people who gave me the wings (and horses) with which I can deliver smiles to faces. Despite some disappointments and the misses, I'm more than grateful for this opportunity to give and learn. And thank you to Gallop Stable for making all this possible. :)

The new education

Before you think I've lost my way while basking in the rosy glow of post-coital post-marital bliss, I have to do justice to married life and clarify matters. My life as a Missus did not change drastically, fortunately or unfortunately. Being married, however, opened up a whole new paradigm, an uncharted path ahead.

But we're still behaving crazy, all the same. We bicker, throw words at each other like imbeciles and boil our little cauldrons of jealousy every now and then. It takes two sane minds to get married, and two insane minds to stay married. It's through some of our exchanges that I learn more about myself - the double standards, the foolhardiness and other bad habits I should be quitting.

Life will never be the same, though. I said this with the understanding that life should never remain the same as it was before "I do". Instead, it should mean taking even more leaps of faith, be it with each other or with life. Married life has urged me to proactively explore many more priceless experiences - conducting a food blogging workshop to share my interest with students from my alma mater, completing another run as a Missus, speed-travelling, and sharing my love for photography. And I'm guessing it won't stop there.

I'm just getting warmed up here.

My heart will go on... again.

I deserve to be kicked for attempting to swear off Titanic 3D. Thanks to Mr. Jack for opting me in.

Titanic's love story has grew weary, even almost cheesy, to me. While the two lovelorn girls sitting beside me in the cinema were fawning and gushing and sobbing unabashed over Leonardo DeCaprio throughout the entire movie, I was revisiting every splendorous nook and cranny of the ship in my head and mumbling every dialogue I could possibly remember. The 3d wasn't the wow factor; what impressed me big time was the poignancy of the characters' speech. The class differentiation could not have been greater than it was then and it was through such adversity that love emerged. I was also able to resound with Rose's urge to run away from the confines of her societal status, away from the cage into the wild. Rewatching it on the big screen also allowed some hidden nuances which I haven't been able to read to sink in easily. While this isn't the kind of love I would envy, but the strength and bravery of the protagonists are qualities I wish I can imbue in myself.

Anyway, I've been invited to Pinterest!

And I'm hooked. Creative Commons have crashed through the glass ceiling into another definition with the birth of Pinterest, allowing users to pin up pictures that inspire them. Perfect for me to organise ideas pertaining to home deco and weddings. If you're a friend of mine and you wish to give this tool a go, simply watsapp me and I'll hook you up with an invitation. :)

Personality Test: www.colorquiz.com

I have no idea how some personality tests work, but I guess this test from www.colorquiz.com is pretty accurate. Give it a go if you're bored enough. The results may amaze you.

Your Existing Situation

"Outgoing but unpredictable and unstable. Likes things to go her way, otherwise she becomes agitated, indecisive, and fake in her activities."

Your Stress Sources

"Seeks freedom and the chance to do as she wishes; avoids restrictions or things that try to hold her back. Feels an intense amount of pressure being put on her and would like a chance to escape in order to do the things she wants and needs to do for himself. However, she lacks the determination and motivation to escape and pursue her own personal gains."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Tries to participate and involve herself in things going on around him; however, avoids conflict and arguments to reduce stress and tension."

"Finds satisfaction in sexual activity, but is emotionally detached which prevents her from becoming too involved."

Current situations force her into compromise and placing her own hopes and desires on hold for the time being.

His arrogance causes her to take offense quickly. Only those closest to her know deep down she is sensitive and sentimental.

"He is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity, but can be restless and emotionally distant so she never really gets too involved with others."

Your Desired Objective

"Has a strong desire to contribute and influence others, but it can make her restless. she is driven by her desires and hopes. Enjoys a wide range of activities, but she may spread herself to thin taking on too much."

Your Actual Problem

"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. In order to build her self-esteem back up, she looks to others for recognition, respect, and encouragement. This can be a problem since she tends to blame others for her shortcomings. Searching for solutions that are geared toward her needs and self-consciousness."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Feeling held back and restricted from moving forward, looking for a solution that will give her more freedom and less obstacles."

Learn and yield

This newly engaged couple has been... learning to cope with this indefinitely transient period between engagement and marriage. My workload ha finally picked up, while Jack's intray seemed to have procreated spontaneously while he was on leave. And it doesn't end there.

While I'm still coming to terms with that rock sitting on my finger (definitely not in a bad way), we've started to lay inroads for the future. Decisions will only get tougher, because it isn't just going to be the two of us when we make plans; every single twitch will have to be sounded off to the parents and whosoever's in the picture. As much as we are independent thinkers, we have to take into consideration whoever's within splash distance.

But til then. :)

Mosaic of life

Apologies for sitting on it; the past 6 weeks heralded too many changes for me to sit down and take a breather. Positive ones, though. :)

Work is coming in at snail's pace; everyone up there's scrambling around too much to bother with me. It's good in the sense that there's ample time for me to sit down and read the theoretical stuff, observe the social forces acting within the department, build rapport within and beyond the department, as well as search for foodie spots. Jack has been a great help too, be it in terms of clearing my doubts related to policies or simply providing a venue for frustration-venting. Of course, we have to acquire the extra skill of keeping our work and personal lives separate, especially when we're working in the same organisation. I'm soaking it all up, before shit hits the fan.

And hello to my new baby. :)

Despite advice from peers to pick the popular iPhone 4S, I went the other way - towards the Samsung Galaxy SII. It was a difficult decision made simpler after hours of Googling and Youtube-ing "Samsung Galaxy S2 vs iPhone 4S" - I needed a machine that works for me, not the other way round. While others lamented the S2's sheer size and tricky navigation, I embraced its flexibility and amazing AMOLED display. Most importantly, it comes from the school of hard knocks. iPhone 4S? Challenge accepted.

Caught Underworld: Awakening. If you've caught the previous few Underworld movies, you'll probably be in awe of Kate Beckinsale's leather-tight physique and her weapon-wielding battle scenes. Awakening shifted the storyline away from the hybrid-vampire battle by incorporating werewolves into a large part of the plot. While I'm disappointed by the anti-climax, the only saving grace was the cliffhanger - that only means more Underworld to come!

Planning Valentine's Day this time round was extremely mind-boggling - apart from selecting a dining spot that would make that day extremely memorable, the $10 budget I set (to prevent overspending on presents by both of us) almost cost me an arm and a leg. I didn't want us to fall into the commercial trap of Valentine's Day and yet be able to enjoy the night with each other.

These couple of months have left us on tenterhooks, though the seemingly long wait was well worth it. All the planning, the calculating, the fruitless attempts - it was all well paid off. Almost four years into the relationship, and Inever thought I would be this blessed to be in this position of decision-making. And no, it's not a baby we're waiting for. :P If everything goes as planned, all downpayment will be accounted for from our own pockets, without a single cent from our parents. :) Now that's what I call smart. And contrary to what many believe, we didn't have any priority at all. In fact, this was our THIRD attempt.

Now, it's counting down to the 27th. :)

I need to learn

Everything in between

I can't wait for this year to end. This exciting, treacherous, fulfilling year. 2011 has been a year of big and bold decisions, loads of travelling, self-realization, growing up emotionally and all kinds of changes.

Leapfrogged into Honours year

My make-or-break gamble paid off in the form of a huge 'culture shock' in Honours year, when sleep became a luxury and working our arses off in school on a Sunday was a norm. Every day was an excruciating battle with time, dense readings and slow email replies. But the camaraderie we forged during those long hours, I believe, will continue to bring us together even after graduation.

Watched an incredible number of movies

The current count is 19 for this year alone, not including those I watched on my plane flights and on DVDs. That's mad, my dear.

Deflowered my virgin hair

Ever since getting hooked on bubble hair dye, I've coloured my hair THRICE this year, with only the latest done in a salon at an exorbitant price (pfft). After shying away from the damaging qualities of colouring my hair, the great leap came during Chinese New Year - auspicious mah (ok bad excuse I know).

We're three. :)

Tasmania, Taipei and Desaru

Desaru has been the long awaited family trip; it's rare that we get to line up our schedules and manage to find just three common free days. The food was sedap, the locals were really friendly and we never regretted the trip, despite the hefty peak period price tag.

Tasmania, on the other hand, was a first for me in many ways - first free-and-easy trip, first oyster in a long,long time, first time driving overseas, first time scaling a mountain, first time running the fluffy texture of day-old snow between my fingers, first time running into wild animals and over dead ones, first time experiencing such low temperatures, first time having salmon almost everyday... Tasmania will be one of those few place I will look forward to visiting again in future, simply because it has given me so much. And I can't thank Gerlynn and Gordon enough for working on the coordination of the entire trip.

Taipei was a challenge to myself - I was juggling a crazy final semester and planning every single detail of the itinerary, while everyone sat with arms akimbo. But it was worth the sleepless nights and hours of research and route-planning with Google Maps.

Celebrated Christmas Eve at Marche - for the FOURTH YEAR running

Humans are nostalgic creatures. Jack and Julie are worse. Without Marche, there wouldn't be our first dinner meeting outside school.

I'll think of more.

"The most powerful weapon is not violence but it is talking to people." - Nelson Mandela

The Duchess wears Zara

Did I tell you how fashionably enlightened I was by Catherine Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge?

While the Royal Couple's wedding took the world's fashion press by storm, what awed me (and everyone else) more was probably her Alexander McQueen gown, fashioned with laced sleeves and a hugging bodice. Modest and conservative, yet fashionable and good enough to spark several spin-offs to cater to brides who wish to have a Kate Middleton wedding as well.

Even before stepping into the picture as Prince William's fiancee, Middleton (she's since changed her first name from Kate to Catherine) has been cast in the spotlight ever since 2005, when she was revealed as the prince's girlfriend. Even then, her fashion sense was impeccable, and she always looked so comfortable in whatever she wore. It was rare to spot her in something revealing, apart from a few shots from her clubbing days and the cruise trips she took with the princes. Everyone needs a life, don't we?

Most importantly, the thrifty side of Middleton impressed me. To hell with the negative connotation of recycling one's outfits; if you look presentable enough, it doesn't really matter if you're wearing a dress from 5 years ago.

And the Duchess' Zara dress is probably USD 59.90 (or less), as with all Zara dresses. See? You don't have to wear something expensive and/or revealing to look like a million dollars. It's how you carry it that matters.

Check out the Duchess' other fashion repeats on Huffington Post here. Like any other princess, Middleton probably has a few fashion indulgences like her yummilicious suede Prada pumps and her Burberry trenchcoat (which sold out shortly after the press spotted her in it), but don't we all do?

Of course, nothing else makes her shine brighter than an Alexander McQueen number, custom-made (only one in the world!) to match her husband's military assemble?

Trust me, we all love Kate. :)

Victoria's big secret

Gerlynn got me hooked on shopping online at Victoria's Secret and Forever 21. I've long been skeptical over online shopping, primarily over the fact that there's no physical assurance that the clothing will fit me to a T, since the models parading the clothes are all Size 0 and look absolutely fabulous in the apparel. Doesn't sound like me. So I took a risk the first time round by ordering 'safe' items like earrings from F21 and undies from VS. I had initially placed my order with size M, and when Gerlynn advised me to change the size to S, I gave the O.O look from behind my computer screen. "Are you sure I can wear VS size S?!" my internal OS screamed. But I went along with her advice and, surprisingly, the undies fitted really well and, as praised by Gerlynn, really comfortable and cute. The F21 earrings were a steal at USD3.80 for 3 pairs in a set. So I gave online shopping a second chance. :)

I just never thought I could wear anything from VS, because the VS Angels all have killer bodies and gorgeous silhouettes. Bless Victoria's Secret.

Being thankful

The past few weeks have been fulfilling, despite the lack of an internship and temporary assignments. The tuition schedules are still as hectic as ever (take today's 3-lesson session for example), though I get to spend enough quality time with the family, Jack and his family, and my girlfriends a midst the insanity. Also, I took some time out to whip up comfort food for the family, because nothing soothes the soul better than a good warm and wholesome home-cooked meal.

Movies to the rescue of the lovelorn. :)

To be honest, I had stepped into the theatre believing that this movie would be a total waste of 95 minutes of my life because it had CG penguins and madhatter Carrey. WRONG. I totally underestimated such kiddy G-rated movies, because I failed to see on my part that movie-makers would have taken great care in ensuring that adults, at whichever life stage they're in, have the right to bring childhood back to their jaded adulthood. I'll advise such movies as a good alternative to romance flicks for couples, because it ensures that both parties are kept wide awake with no-bars laughing.

Oooohhh. And we HAD to catch this. Just for continuity's sake.

Give Julie a film with loads of flashy souped-up cars and she'll be smiling all the way home, even if the movie had badly done CG with some lame anti-climaxes. Sorry, Michael Bay, but the final parter failed to hit the same expectations I had of it after watching Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen couple of years ago. While I didn't feel sorry that they kicked Megan Fox out of the final sequel, the wet blanket came from the storyline. Everything was well and fine until, well, lame twists in the movie appeared. The best reason to watch this unimpressive parter would be to catch Optimus Prime and Bumblebee in their final glory, as well as the other beautifully engineered machines. Not for the-girl-with-the-ridiculously-long-name Rosie Huntington-Whitely.

Bye, Semester 8

Goodbye, Semester 8. You've been the bugbear in my otherwise normal life, and I'm just glad to have gotten rid of you.

This semester was a constant war raged against myself in almost every way. I was constantly spanning the boundaries (spoken with true PR gusto), pushing against my invisible glass ceiling and combating recurring bouts of self-doubt. Jack had to keep telling me that I was doing fine; that I was stretching myself was too much, spreading out those braincells too thinly over my commitments. I don't know if it's true; you know that "you reap what you sow" has been disproven times over, so I'm just playing up the malicious skeptic within me to ensure I try not to fall too much behind. I remember consulting some of my project mates, questioning them to the extent of irritation about my work attitude and quality. They replied in the same manner as Jack, constantly telling me to chill and have a little more faith in myself.

Oh well.

And this semester I made a whole ton of friends I never knew would change the ill-defined concept of "coursemates" in my dictionary; I never really forged a bond close enough with most of my project mates, despite the fact that we spend entire semesters slogging over projects together. The honours year's boys and girls didn't allow history to repeat, though. They made me feel at ease yet competitive at the same time, and the adrenaline rush derived from working with these outstanding people was strangely addictive. Hopefully the next batch of honours students (technically my juniors) would be equally competitive and competent fighters.

And some space here to those who love me so much more than I can ever imagine. Mum, who's always calling to check that I've eaten when I have to work late in school; Dad, who's always on MSN and ready to spring an IM on me to do an inventory check of the family members; Jack, whose unconditional love comes in the forms of homecooked dinners, hugs, kisses and everything else I could ever ask for. I hope life would allow me enough time to reciprocate the love I've been showered with.

To sidetrack, did I mention how evil Apple Inc. is? After selling gazillions of black iPhone 4s, they decided to release the iPhone in WHITE!

If you're ogling, you're probably normal. It's a limited edition color and Apple said the white darling was released later because it was "harder to make". I wonder how much harder.

Apparently it was enough to get me all hot and bothered, to the extent that I actually called Singtel up to ask them how much I would need to pay should I upgrade my plan (currently at 12 months). The pricetag is $780. -_-'' I could buy 3 Longchamps with that money.

Then RIM decided it should tease me a little too, by announcing the upcoming release of the touch Blackberry Bold. Looks and feels like a Blackberry Bold, except it looks more anorexic and comes with a touch screen. Enough to set off those sirens in my head.

The price of the BB is still unconfirmed, since I haven't gotten any updates from the local retailers. If it costs just a teeny bit less than the iPhone, I'm bagging this black beauty when it's released. White is overrated.

10 days to Tazzie!

Michelle Chia and Shaun Chen split: Marriage is more than just 'I love you's

Oh well. Yet another celebrity divorce. While it's plain mundane in glitzy Hollywood, celebrity splits in Singapore tend to hog the wanbao headlines for weeks. And as speculated by the auntie gossip, It's Michelle Chia and Shaun Chen, who wedded just two years ago.

It's undeniable that such things tend to put a dampener on those who are looking forward to marital bliss; the entire institution of marriage just gets thrown out of the window when you're acting lovey-dovey for so many years but, the moment you get married, the lifeline of your relationship starts to burn away the moment you don the wedding band. So ironic, especially when so much effort, time, sweat, blood and tears has been put in to craft these perfect wedding scenarios. Remember that 100-table wedding dinner at the Ritz-Carlton? And the homemade chili paste wedding gift? And the 'live' telecast of the wedding? And the elaborate, over-the-top wedding gowns? What about the 'I love you's and the 'Baby's and the 'Darling's?

You may snub me for ignoring the perilous path of marriage - "What makes an unmarried woman like you think that you know how difficult it is to maintain a marriage?" Fine, you can chide me all you want but, be it a married or unmarried couple, isn't the basis of it all compromise? I know I haven't been faithful to the concept of compromise (considering how stubborn I am at times), but shouldn't all problems end in compromise? Then again, what is your definition of compromise? Just shut up and bear a grudge? Or accept the way things are? Or apathy? Or really sit down and iron things out? I've had my share of quarrels and petty arguments - which couple hasn't - over the past 38 months, and I've learnt a lot about compromise.

But I guess all these break-ups, including those around me, make me a stronger believer of marriage. And, selfish as it might sound, I'd rather be learning the lesson from others' mistakes than to commit them and face the dire consequences myself.

Are you obsessed with the right things?

It's going to feel like the first day of Primary One all over again - the trepidation in my steps, the wary glances from passer-bys, the strangled mingling as everyone tried to make small but awkward talk, staring down the person sitting next to you who'll be sticking by you for project work... I know I can be pretty cynical at times, but I simply can't blend into the crowd and be friends with everyone. And knowing the fact that I fought so hard with myself just to get my butts into the Honours Programme just makes me wanna kick myself even more sometimes.

On another note, I've been dying to talk about these campaign ads by the Singapore Breast Cancer Foundation. They've attracted both detractors (for the supposed nudity) and supporters (like me) since their appearance on clinic posters and postcards everywhere in Singapore.

You must be thinking I'm frickin' out of my mind for picking a random topic like breast cancer to drone about. But this became a real cause for concern following a scare in the family last week. While I'm thoroughly thankful that it was all a false alarm, we all need to know how real and close to home this could be. And I really appreciated the campaign ads' message - Are you obsessed with the right things? Women and men alike, we're all vulnerable to physical illnesses, not excluding breast cancer; who's to say who'll be spared the plank? So instead of deeming these posters profane, shouldn't they be the warning bells instead? Instead of kicking up a huge fuss over a bad hair day or a zit, why not remind yourself about the other invaluable things in life?

Ops Trash-Out

Massive Ops Trash-It.

Following my cranky CPU, I excavated years of dusty ten-year-series, JC and secondary school books for the garang guni man. Plus my JS module readings, purely out of angst. Thanks to my immaculate organisation over the years, I cleared out three whole stacks within the hour. The trashing process was strangely therapeutic, especially when it involved throwing out those unhappy memories along with my secondary school notes. Thankfully, it was also during then that I found the best gems of my life - my great clique and my Gurlies. As for the rotten eggs and the heartbreakers and the fantastically plastic laughter... let's not go there. I've thrown them out already.

Downtime

Another one of those fall-into-the-abyss moments; it dawned upon me that I could barely count the number of friends whom I could dial for in an emergency with both hands. Depressing passing thought, considering the number of people I actually wave ‘hi-byes’ to in school. Ironically, I’ve repeated this moronic routine of convincing myself that I don’t need to paw at people who don’t put me in their minds because it’s not worth the brain cells. And yet I’m fervently drilling at the painful spot again, tonight.

You must be cursing me for lamenting, given the fact that I’m blessed with a relatively normal family, a particular Mr. Jack whom I can’t tear myself away from, my bunch of three girlfriends and my secondary school clique who have stuck by me all these years. I’m blessed, I’d admit it. I love these people more than anything else in the world. They are the ones who would never say never. They are the ones who would never leave me in the lurch to die. They would never say ‘hi-bye’ and fade away.

Because I realized that, having said all that, many of those who have made grandeur promises and crossed their hearts on them, never made any of those dreams come true. It’s always the unsung heroes, my heroes, who have lit the correct paths for me in all altruistic fashion whenever I set foot in the wrong places.

Tonight, all I think about is the love and strength you all have given me, and it’s more than enough to tide me through this downtime.

How much is your love worth?

This tickled me to bits:

FYI, I DON'T weigh 500kg back then! I was just... humungous. LOL. And I never want to return to those days, never ever again. *Shivers* Anyway, thanks babe, and I'm looking forward to your return!

Did a little pondering over this thing called the future; is it as volatile as everything makes it out to be? Does everything has to connect like little nodes and make sense solely for the sake of the other nodes? Can't something ever be within my grasp?

Screw those philosophers.

I will decide my own fate.
I will work towards that life I want to live.
I will fight hard in the corporate world and earn a place.
I will marry the love of my life.
I will make the world a better place for those whom I can help.
I will save for that V10 engine, even if it takes me forever.
I will buy myself girly luxuries when I feel that I have worked enough to deserve them.

I will live the life I worked for.

Bipolar

One of those bipolar days. (don't get me wrong I'm not.)


Days are good when you get paid - at least that works for me towards the end of the month. My mood peaks around the start and end of each month, and hits a low by the third week, just like the amount in my account. It's hard to get by when you're saving for so many things at once - it feels like I don't even have enough eggs to fill all the baskets I have. And this struggle with moolah will never cease, will it?

Lunch with Jack, however late it is, is never a bad thing. Who can resist a lunch date who would wait with a hungry stomach just to have lunch with you, even when it means just fishball noodles at 3pm? Plus I got some egg tarts for my granddads, Mum's favourite kaya cake and sis' favourite cheese tarts. Yes, I'm guilty for my sis' current, urm, state.

Oh yes, and if you have a heart strong enough to spare, feel free to watch a few episodes of Destination Truth on Youtube. Even the non-supernatural ones scared the crap out of me. Which means no more of that for me.

(Sidenote: I only reserve my time for people who are worth me spending time with. Some people, unfortunately, are at the bottom of my list. I'd rather work on my assignments or read James Patterson than to spend a single moment with them. Period.)

Had a petty tiff with Jack yesterday. I'm always the childish little girl with the stubborn temper. But we both hate long-drawn battles, so within an hour we basically kissed and made up. I hate to waste time being at odds with each other.

Anyway we spent a bomb shopping largely for our Tioman trip next weekend, and we're not even in Tioman yet. And I haven't even revamped my wardrobe for the new term.

I just need to squeeze in this album recommendation: Jane 張靚穎's Believe in Jane album. I only came to know about this songstress' power-packed vocals via Jack's recommendation, and I just had to get her latest album for the hit single 《如果這就是愛情》. I wasn't even aware of her Supergirls conpetition stint in 2005, and the dozen of languages she can sing in. But better late than never.

Sidenote: I don't have bad Photoshop skills.