You know we care

Stayed up til almost 2am this morning just to keep tabs on him. I was dead worried by the photos and the breaking news received on Boxing Day, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep in peace until I've received the green light from XJ. Thanks for all the news, I really appreciated it. And thanks for providing endless support to the one who needs it (you get what I mean), I'm sure at the end of it all they'll be thankful to you. Pardon me if I sounded murderous yesterday, but I was at my wits' end, and I knew you're the only one I could release all this to, since you're the one who told me all this from the beginning. Nevertheless, I'm still the typical worry-wort, so please don't mind me too much if I keep pestering you.

Even my mum was worried about him when I told her about it. Dinner was an abrupt affair, because I couldn't leave my screen for too long. I fear too much, having experienced loss not too long ago. Although it was all beyond my control, but I knew if he realised how much people loved him, he'll definitely recuperate much faster with all this motivation from us. Quit worrying about everything else, because nothing else matters if you can't get well. The flesh may be weak, but keep the mind willing.

Face/Off

I’m sick of trying to look my best every time I have to step out of my house, but I can’t stop myself from doing that; everything’s become so superficial and judgmental, and people love and hate you from the very moment they set their eyes on you. I’m really tired, but there’s no way this habit can be curbed. In fact, it’ll have to go on for as long as humanity continues to function this way. That’s the reason why idols are rolling in the big bucks and size-zero models are strutting the catwalks. This society is so freaking mad.

I don’t know if I wanna step out of the house today.

Jaded

You don’t have to roil my emotions every time I’m up there, do you? I’m just utterly displeased by your ugly display of greed and nosiness, and it leaves a worse aftertaste simply because you’re supposed to be the exemplary figure for us, and yet your behavior is no better than a preschooler. In the first place, you should have chosen NOT to extort my dinner from me just 2 days ago, and you had to make absolutely crude and vulgar remarks of my sister. Yes, she might have been in the wrong, but throwing the word “bullshit” in her face was definitely the last straw. Any self-respecting person of senior status would think thrice about spouting such profanities at a 12-year-old kid, but you chose to victimize my sister at your own pleasure. Your gluttonous habits are even more annoying, and I can’t believe the rest of the seniors in the family are just letting you have your own deem fit way.
Respect? NEVER.
I won’t even give you a chance to bullshit me.

Christmas Eve was well spent, with a dinner with Jack. A pity Skyler couldn’t join us due to a family gathering. You see, when two vocalists get together, ALL we would talk about was music, music and more music. Besides the unanimous agreement that David’s the ultimate maestro of Mandarin R&B, we talked a lot over dinner and that. Of course, we shared our problems (I mean, what are friends for?), and I guess we both felt better after regurgitating the entire sickening emotional burden we lugged around. Anyway, the queue at Marche was a killer, and we were late by just 10 minutes and the queue was starting to snake. Thank God we didn’t go in a group of 10 (like what some families did), so we got a table within half an hour. Oh, and remind me NEVER to get Rosti again; I couldn’t finish even half the portion, maybe because we were talking half the time. And I was a good girl and bought those delectable fresh-from-the-oven Japanese cream puffs for my family’s supper. Yummy~

The agony of giving and taking

The last thing anyone should ever do to me is to take my dinner away from me. Hello, that was the REMAINDER of my lunch, and I just wanna eat it in peace, and YOU had to come and say "Wah, so oily. You don't eat this, go take the rice in the kitchen, I'll eat this for you." And the next moment everyone's had a spoonful of my lunch-cum-dinner EXCEPT ME.
HELLO?!
WTH IS THIS?!

~

I decided just this afternoon that my table deserved a huge spring-cleaning (barely 2 weeks after doing one), so I chucked everything onto the floor and junked a humungous bag of unwanted stuff. Still, I'm clueless as to what to do with that 26 issues of E-Pop piling on my table, hundreds of postcards collected over a span of 4 years, my CD-shop collection of music CDs and sorts.
Garage sale, anyone?

Have a break, but don't gimme a Kit-Kat

I ruined the jamming session yesterday, and I ruined the birthday celebration today. Oh my God I should just go bury myself under a rock. After devouring 4 Panadol tablets today, I'm feeling much better than I was this morning. Nursing a hangover and a leaking nose made me really grouchy, and it worsened when I couldn't taste the veggies during lunch. I never wanna fall sick again, because it's really difficult to recover, both emotionally and physically.

Dinner with Siti and co. at Holland V was lovely, but then again, I was in a really crappy mood, so it took me more than just effort to prise a smile for the camera. The ambience made up for it just a little, and the lovely drizzle turned my mood up as well. I stuck to my salad, largely because I can't taste anything anyway, so it'll be a huge waste to order anything else, even the Mac and Cheese that I was eyeing.

Oh well, I need a break from all the crap and nonsensical people in my life.

The Body Shop

I'm officially a Body Shop junkie. I'm just too inclined towards their campaigns. I love the way they push for their causes, and it's written all over their products. I just have something against walking out of the shop smelling like a pickled apple. Apart from that, they're such darlings.

regenerate, rejuvenate

I almost lost my head when I couldn't get ANY connections for the entire day, so I'm confined to playing Sims 2, which has become a nauseatingly boring game. I'm just amazed with the architecture tools, so all I'm doing now is building houses and houses for days on end.

And I've realised why I'm always so jittery before, during and after my driving lessons; I'm afraid of my instructor.-_-I know it sounds insane, since the instructor is my granduncle. But ever since I incurred his wrath the other day, I've been getting all stressed up whenever my hands rest on the steering wheel. Oh man, I need to overcome this thing.

Meanwhile, I'm starting to have an increasing number of people coming to me just to pour out their woes and whatevernot. I won't turn them down, but it's getting difficult for me to shoulder all the emotional burden. Forget it; I'll continue to be the bottomless well of accumulated misery. Now I need my beauty sleep to generate more positive vibes.

The taste of happiness

What made my day:

Having Subway for dinner. God knows how much I love Subway. Like how I can have vermicelli for 5 days in a row, I can have Subway for an entire week if I can afford the trip to school everyday (which gets me a 20% discount off every purchase). I love my honey oat, I love my Veggie Delite, I love my honey mustard and I love my double chocolate chip cookie. I’m basically a Subway-whore. Plus I’ve got great company for dinner, so that probably value-adds to the entire dining experience.

Visiting the clubroom for the first time in a month. Mr. Yellow’s transformed the entire room into a recording studio, and I was joking with Jack that the studio (which formerly looked like a storeroom) finally had leg space for more than 3 people. (Apparently the image of being squeezed into the puny little studio with CY and ZY is still hovering vividly in my mind) The only thing’s that I felt a little intimidated by the presence of seniors (like I always do), so my voice didn’t open until we left the room.

Picking up tips and lessons from Skyler and Jack on guitar and vocals. They’re absolutely wonderful instrumentalists cum vocalists, and I had a great time. Despite the fact that the index finger on my left hand is currently nursing a huge blister from all that barring, it was a great opportunity for us to exchange tips and comments. I swear I’ll work on using my diaphragm after I’m done with the barring.

Having soup for supper. Typical Cantonese girl, you might say. I’ll always finish my soup right up to the last drop, as long as it’s home-cooked and does not contain any fragments of meat. All it took was a single phone call from my dad to get me zooming home for that bowl of piping hot soup. Ah, the taste of happiness.

Okay, I need to grab a fruit and hit the sack.

Apathy is crap

My eyes continue to dart around the living room, scouring for any creepy crawlies. A cockroach decided to appear before me an hour ago before disappearing into a dark corner, and I have the guts to neither catch it nor make a huge fuss about a six-legged creature at 1 am, so the best I can do is to keep it as far away from me as possible.

As usual, my mum was pretty pissed when I came home after midnight, and the first thing she said was, “Why are you in my blouse?” So I struck up the idea of praising her dress sense and fashion taste to the skies, which managed to appease the lioness just a little. Alright, I’m feeling pretty guilty here, so I’ll keep myself at home tomorrow, apart from my driving lesson. I should have told her and Dad that I’ll be late (which I had conveniently forgotten), so I should be grounded or banished to the gallows.

I don’t know if all I can do is to pretend that nothing’s ever happened every time the same thing crops up. It’s getting increasingly difficult to suppress those hurtful words with each occurrence, but I’ll keep it inside for the sake of a friendship and with the hope that things will change for the better. It’s unlike me, but I shall defy Nature and myself to retain this friendship. It means a lot to me, so I don’t see why it seems like trash to you.

Another K-ing session

It was utterly traumatizing to walk past a dozen shoes shops and not be able to try on anything on sale because of my injured toe. I could curse a gazillion times and no one would hear me. Thank God I still managed to get earrings (after seeing someone spotting a different pair every time I spotted her, and all of them are equally lovely), so my mood wasn’t that adversely affected. My legs almost cramped after making several rounds at Bugis Junction, but it was much-needed exercise for me so I had nothing much to complain about. I promised to go back for The Body Shop’s White Musk (largely due to the new purple-tinted bottle which is very much adored by moi), but I didn’t. Oh man.

Freaking out became habitual yesterday, with plenty of surprises. No one told me that Louis (a.k.a the Golden Mouth who startles when he sings) was coming, but he was a great addition to the K-Box session. Who doesn’t love to hear him sing? My digicam comes in handy every session, because it captures every ounce of singing beautifully and I don’t have to use QuickTime Player to listen to it since it’s in WAV. format. It was no exception this time round, and we managed to goof around for a bit. The pressure was huge at the beginning (hello?! I’m singing with 2 people with stunning voices), but it faded after a few up tempo songs. Plus stuff does crop up, and we had a huge laugh about it (especially me). Enjoyable session, once again.

Rescue me

I’m feeling a tragic sense of dejection, just an hour after my NM paper. The advent of another paper which I’m totally not confident of continues to hit the wrong notes today. Oh man, even a second cup of coffee isn’t going to help. I’m just feeling totally down at the dumps. How I wish things could just flash past and voila, it’s 24 hours later and I’m frolicking down the sides of Scotts Road. I’m not the crazed shopaholic whom I happened to overhear a conversation from (“It’s like, I’ll study for half and hour and ‘I wanna go shopping!’”); I’m just dying to complete this wholly arduous process of going in, sitting down, cracking my brains and creating smudges of ink all over my paper. And things will start again, all from the beginning, every semester.

When the insane goes marching in

It seems as though my neighbour has been trying to drill a peephole on his kitchen wall to look out of his unit. The annoying, repetitious crunch of the drill bib against concrete is driving me nuts, especially when I still have to mug. Oh for Heaven’s sake!

Much-needed motivation

Jack’s words spurred me on to carry on with the perilous mugging process. He said, “If Selina (from S.H.E) could finish her University studies while juggling her career, I don’t see why I can’t do it, without the burden of a career.” Thanks, Jack. That line made me think a lot about my current directions: If I’m going to allow a difficult module to keep me away from getting good grades, what good can I reap? While I’m steering clear of negative models, I’m trying to stay positive by waking up a happy soul and staying positive the entire time I’m studying so that I wouldn’t falter.

Next week is going to be tough, with 4 papers clustered into 3 days. What a way to end exams, starting off with a tapered end and then ending on a high note, literally. Thank God I’m one paper down, and I’ve got some reasonable time to study for the rest of the papers.
My sister’s taking up the role as my accountant, since she’s one month from a new school year and she’s currently out of a job. Although it’s supposed to be plainly altruistic, she’s charging me a session of K Box to make up for her wage-less job.

Laze and dazed

I thought about the prospect of having someone whom I haven’t told about this blog find it and read it, and I gradually shrugged it off. The sole reason why I didn’t surface this blog to my new circle of friends is so that they can get to know me bit by bit, not read my entire autobiography and laugh at me for something dumb I did in Secondary school. I mean, if you do hit the jackpot and chance upon my blog, good for you. I wouldn’t mind having people reading it; that’s why I put my stuff up here. But I hope this won’t be something people judge me solely by, because I’m more than just a bagful of incessant ramblings. I have a life which I wouldn’t divulge to any Tom, Dick or Harry. So much for reading on privacy laws on the Internet.

Dining with Jack was meaningful, because I’ve never talked so much to a guy friend over dinner before. We could probably continue to talk through the night if not for the fact that we both have got mugging to do through the night, and I couldn’t risk getting thrown out for occupying the table for such a long time. Well, he did rake up some of my painful (and dumb, no doubt) memories from the past, but I just swept them aside as lessons learnt to help me to grow up. And the pain did me good.

I’ve been escaping from someone these few days, but I still got caught, grilled and quashed. It’s a long story, but I’m just hoping I wouldn’t meet such people in my next semester. Seems like our friendship has become a mere leverage to be lazy.

So things do come back

I guess I’ll mug at home, despite the presence of a gazillion forms of distractions aimed at sucking me away from my mugging spot. At least I don’t have to worry about falling asleep at a foreign location and run the risk of losing my stuff to thieves, or being unable to visit the loo or get food whenever I wanted to. Besides, coordinating with study partners is already a chore by itself. I can’t have the entire world around me yakking and expect myself to stay focused. That’s mental.

Oh, and it’s Norra’s birthday today. I’m not supposed to be concerned, ever since I’ve decided to junk them out of my scope of concern. But it’s of no significant use, since those thoughts keep coming back. I’ve got too much on hand and at heart, and to have discarded emotions finding their way back to me is rendering me overloaded. Anyway, ya, enjoy your 22nd birthday, and try not to break anything again.

Keep that away from me

I'm supposed to be much more pressed to concentrate on mugging after the completion of my programming project (whatever, the deadline was extended to 8 December). But it doesn't help to have a Yamaha organ sitting right in front of me NOW. Apparently my sis is serious about picking it up, and it's creating a bout of chaos in my home, after that absent-minded darling plugged the two-pinned adaptor upside down on the extension bar. And she's supposed to be a Physics student acing in the subject. Oh well. Looks like I'm banished to the school library for my pre-exam mugging for the entire week.

Finishing touches

Was holed up in PC Lab 1 the entire day, excruciatingly trying to figure out those macro procedure, and sleeping at 2.30 this morning didn't help. Thanks god, we're left with the final bits and pieces (which I will have to figure out all by myself AGAIN), and then I'm all done with this piece of arse. My project partner (who, unfortunately, knew nuts about VBA) asked me the other day: "You knew my VBA knowledge is terrible, why still agree to do the project with me?" Apparently the poor chap got chucked by his great "best friend", perhaps because she didn't want to screw her project up. The last time I checked, the madame was still struggling to get her instructions together. Bless her. I mean, if you asked, there's no reason for me to reject, since I can't say "No" to friends. I'm reputable for sticking my thumb into every pie that approaches me, and this case's no exception.At least I've got company for lunch.

Revision schedule's up, and I'm kinda struggling to follow it, LARGELY due to the programming project, and a very volatile sleeping roster. I need to get some good proper coffee and some sleep, or I'll start to suffer from major outbreaks, like what's happening to me now.

Goodie Moodie

Oh, how I derive sadistic pleasure from picking out the glitches and flips from those 'live' performances of professional performing artistes. Every nuance, every syllable, every key... I'm just plain bored, rather.

And I've skinned my laptop! Nope, I didn't peel off its acrylic casing and try to tear it apart; I made it look prettier with a lovely Garskin I got from Harvey Norman. They're carrying Garskins! I got ol' so jumpy like a groupie when I saw the placard advertisement. Bid goodbye to scratches and stains!

My granduncle was recounting how the arse of his white Honda City got smashed in 3 weeks ago along a road at Bukit Gombak, and I also burst out laughing. That white darlin' was under my 'tender loving care' until it, urm, got disemboweled. Now I've to make do with a light blue Honda City with a slightly crooked steering and a spoilt left mirror. Oh god, and the floor mat of on the driver's side almost got me into an accident, which I shall not elaborate to spare all of my near-death experience.

Finished business

After much struggling with trying to keep my writing in a straight line, I finally submitted to sleep at 4.30 this morning. No, it's not because I'm busy mugging my ass off for the semestral exams; it's against my beliefs to burn midnight oil for studies. Apparently I only made it home way way past midnight, after a fulfilling day.

Our musical wrapped up successfully yesterday, after a month of gruelling timelines and pressing factors. I mean, it's presentable for a month-old production, considering things were pretty last-minute and disagreements have arose in the process undermining the success of this project. The post-musical celebrations were super hyped up, with us wishing our birthday girls and taking photos. Then YH came up with the idea to go K. Haha. I brushed it off initially, since it was already pretty late, and we still haven't got the equipment back to the club room. But thanks to JH and Doey's vehicles and everyone's co-operation, we managed to get those speakers, extension wires, mics, guitars, keyboards, drum set, props and a dozen miscellaneous items back to YIH in a jiffy. Yay!

K-ing was a crazy affair, especially with the presence of 4 overly-tired guys. You know what being really tired can do to you; it's brainless reverse psychology. And we were room-hopping (we had 3 rooms in all), so it was a major social event. Just a pity not everyone could join, or else we would have rocked the entire K-Box. The consequence of our crazy crash: 5 extremely worn-out people, 3 bowls of half-eaten tidbits, 4 glasses of beer and 6 glasses of cocktail, 1 broken cocktail glass, a apple-cocktail washed floor but endless memories.

Thanks to Fay and Jane for taking time out to come all the way to PGP to watch the musical; I heard Jane was pretty laughing through out the musical.

Thanks to the many seniors who put in so much effort, as well as all those involved in the musical; you all rock my socks off! Oh and to Jack who has been so-ever-active in giving me comments, kudos to you!

Thanks to all who came to watch this production; it wasn't as grand as other musicals, but considering the 1-month timeline, it's something.

And for that extra bout of motivation, it really did me good.

Unfinished business

Do I have time to blog? Yes I guess so, since I'm already late (anyway), and my printer vomits my Biology lecture notes at an antagonizingly slow pace.

I could have went bonkers yesterday trying to dig myself out of the situation I landed myself in yesterday: I had driving lessons AND late rehearsals, but *gasps* realised on the bus trip to school that I've forgotten my purse! I almost swore out loud on the bus. My IC, my loose change, my cash, my matric card, my ATM card... So I made a frantic call home, only to realise that I've callously left it lying around in my very untidy room. Phew. At least I didn't lose it; I didn't want to risk creating more buzz in my hectic life. BUT I STILL DIDN'T HAVE CASH! Thank God, my habit of leaving things around actually paid off, because I found enough money in my bag to pay for both my driving lesson and my lunch. Imagine having so much money in your bag and not know about it...

(to be continued... I still have to go to school, you know.) Continued at 10.38pm... Did the drive-in-reverse-out thingy, and got a few yellings from my granduncle, but it was pretty fun. My S-course and crank course's getting better, so I hope it won't be the thing that's going to hinder my license acquisition. Rehearsal was fun as well, and we had a few good laughs about it all. My vocals are stil very tight, and I still feel really emotionless singing the song. I mean, I don't suffer the ill fate of a broken-hearted woman, so it's a tad difficult for me to grasp the idea of the song. Oh well, wish me all the luck in the world. P.S: Thanks to YY for waiting for the bus with me. I guess you're right. I'm just too inexperienced with failed relationships to be able to understand the lyrics of the song.

Unbreakable

I'm not emtionally subtle when it comes to music; I laugh and cry with it like it's part of me. When I held Unbreakable in my hands at 12 mindnight the other day, all those intricate yet confusing emotions overwhelmed me. It's like having someone you've longed for for so long come up to you and embracing you in an ol' so comforting beary hug.

As I run my fingers through each and every piece of their past albums, I recalled those memories; I got the first 2 albums relatively late, in 2002, after they've released their 4th one. The mad wait beside the radio, waiting for the cue to call, those magical numbers 35 and 53, and me breaking the decibels after hanging up the call.

Millenium came late as well, when I got it from someone who didn't want it. I still treasure it, together with another identical piece.

Black & Blue was probably the CD I was most emotionally attached to; it helped me through the most difficult moments in secondary school, when I was pretty down and out. I remembered crying almost every night, but their voices would be there to comfort me whenever I hit the PLAY button. It was a depressing period, but I learnt to overcome it with the music I love most.
The hiatus was long and weary, and I got restless. The world caught on as well, citing trash that there'll be no music from them anymore. Then B-Rok stood up for them, promising another album.

Never Gone offered a fresh alternative to their old style, and I loved them even more. But as we celebrated, we had to hold back those tears when Kev wanted out. It was a difficult period for most of us. I remembered choking on those tears when the notice came up. But we knew we had to be strong.

The wait was tormenting, but it was worth the wait. They're still the goofy yet serious bunch I know, and I'll never be able to cast them aside and ignore them, even for just a moment.
I love the Boys, and I'm loving every second of it.

Fish is cold-blooded. BLOODED.

Yes, my confidence and ego did take a huge hit after the Voices concert last night; I weren't even an ounce of what they're capable of. I shadn't say I'm totally defeated, because that's unlike me. It's a good learning experience, as well as an eye opener for young greenhorns like me.

Looking on the brighter side, I'm actually pretty glad my instrumentalists and I got our act together for the first time after one week, so it upped my mood by leaps and bounds. Dinner with fellow Geyaorians was enjoyable, especially with our dear president's quirky words. Well, so JiaHui's vegetarian as well (kudos to all the vegetarians out there!), and I'm extremely impressed by the fact that she manages to stay in shape despite her anti-vegetable-but-nevertheless-vegetarian diet. Super impressed, I shall add. Oh, and we found out that our dear pres has been harbouring the thought that fishes do not have blood.
Oh. My. God.

P.S: Happy belated birthday to Sub, congrats on passing your driving test, you know what to do next (*wink wink*). Haha.

S-curve

I'm currently too pre-occupied with too many non-academic matters, so much so that finding time to mug is like finding a winning lottery ticket on my way home. Today's driving lesson went smoothly, despite me getting a yelling from my instructor granduncle for suddenly swerving to avoid an injured egret limping across the road. Hello?! At least I wasn't going to wreck his car. And just as I was starting to get used to his white Honda, another student of his crashed it, so I've got to make do with a light blue one with a slight steering glitch. Yuck. But I loved my first time on the S course (Sub laughed at me because I said 'S curve. Ha.Ha.Ha.), too. Didn't touch the kerb, so was pretty smug about it. So much for a fruitful day.

I could have been

I’m not going to be freakin’ bothered about anything anymore.

Alright, I just needed to get that off my chest. Yesterday was fantastic, although my performance wasn’t really up to my own standards. The wait from 5 to 8.30pm was downright torturous, so I got some help for my hopeless Biology just to while the time away.

And I’ve just found the right source of motivation for my studies.

Jam-packed with positiveness

This isn't meant to be a show-off, but I'm just feeling too good and positive to keep everything inside.

1. I didn't fail for my Biology assignment. You could probably guess what happened the previous times. I had the initial thought of just ignoring the application called 'Gradebook' in the IVLE after the previous 2 times almost caused me to break out into mad screeching like a banshee. Jane convinced me to face the music, since I told her that this week was my best week in the year, so nothing would possible hinder my path to become increasingly happy.It worked.

2. I finished my ol' so lengthy essay paper. I just gave the procrastinator in me the boot, wrapping up some final editing yesterday. Hey, I was early, okay? My lecturer was right; 3500 words wasn't alot. My first draft was almost twice that number, and I had to pull even my eyebrows out trying to crunch all that into 3500 words.P.S: It still isn't 3500 words, but I'm handing it up, nonetheless.

3. Yesterday was the final lab session. Okay, it's not as though I hate lab sessions. The assignments just put me off the prospect of attending more, and taking more, of such lessons. Besides, yesterday's lab session was pretty fun, although it kind of reduced us to the equivalence of Primary school kids wandering round a zoo.

4. Yesterday's rehearsal-cum-jamming session was probably the most fulfilling times, ever. I got an OK from my keyboardist the first time round, and the guy was nice enough to stay and jam another song in the studio, since he was free. Had a great chat, and he wasn't too much of the introvert I thought he was. Looking forward to Friday's rehearsal and performance.

5. Tank's coming tomorrow, and although I'm upset that I wouldn't be able to go for the free concert at Vivocity (because of the performance), I'm just glad he's here. Looking forward to seeing him on Saturday. :)

I'm just so positive. Anyone who needs some positive vibes, kindly approach me. Haha.

Someone poke me in the eye to keep me awake

This place simply stagnated, grew moss and accumulated knee-deep dust over the past week. Fay's right; my diary's just a portal for blog readers to access other people's blogs and nothing else. Even for myself.

I'm currently fattening myself up(if I'm not already pudgy enough) with those ol' so sinful tidbits from Hokkaido. Mum's just got back, and she's spent a couple of extra bucks to ship an entire box of foodstuff back. Listen: an entire box of FOOD. To simply think about it already constitutes to a crime, not to mention putting all that food into my stomach (At this point, I'm expecting Jane to jump out at me and give me a good thrashing for my laments on sinful food). Oh well, I heeded just an ounce of Jane's advice, and helped myself to the lovely array of snacks. Mochi, chocolate-coated potato chips (screams FAT!), dark chocolate (finally something, well, less sinful), honeydew-flavoured Kit Kat (we'll never get that in Singapore in another hundred years)... All these stir up memories of my Taiwan trip. Aw...

Well, at least all the high-energy food came at a time of need. I've been catching as much sleep as my O'Level-mugging sis (which amounts to not much), binging on coffee (which is very, very unhealthy), spending much of my time awake glued to the computer screen and scrutinizing those 3mm x 3mm Chinese characters and paying equivalent-to-none attention to my social life. And those project deadlines just have to slap me constantly, like waves assaulting a barren beach.

And I'm haplessly addicted to Facebook.

Revert... Revert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After an entire night and entire morning of furious strumming, my fingers are so sore that it hurts even to type the soft keys of my notebook. Yet the skin-deep damage is gratifying, after yesterday's emotional damage. I could have just let it be and pretend that nothing's happened, but I realised it was unlike of me to just suppress those ugly emotions. So I let loose those crazy demons inside of me last night, strumming away at 11pm. Only my dad managed to subdue my sudden outburst of craze with a glass of Kahlua, which knocked me out successfully within an hour.

The ferocity of my anger went up by another notch this morning, after realising that that pifitul glass of liquer actually managed to keep me snoozing for 10 hours straight. Another session of mad strumming and singing proceeded, without prior concern for my blistered fingers. What infuriated me further was the fact that something so simple could easily be ruined by people who overestimate themselves. Sigh.

I'm just upset over stuff which may seem insignificant to you, but these minor stuff won't disappear just because you ignore them.

I'm back to normal, people. Sorry to ditch you all last night. I feel sorely terrible. We should really form a proper jamming group, since we've got 2 talented keyboardists/pianists and a ...urm... talented harmonica player. Just joking.

If this is what you call music...

All I can say is that I’m sorely disappointed.

Or rather, maybe I expected so much out of myself, and so I naturally did the same of everyone else, and it has finally dawned upon me that maybe, just maybe, I should just close the door. Tempers have been silently flaring for the past few days, and it didn’t improve today, and probably won’t do within the past few days.

And worse still, I had to endure one of the worst damages to my ears. Music affects me to a surprisingly large extent, so having to sit through thousands of seconds of lacklustre, amateur-sounding music, if you even call it that, was like having to sit through a bad porn movie. And it didn’t end there, so I decided to stump my misery by even bothering to say goodbye before I left, cursing under my breath. Don’t ever expect me to turn up again if I’m always the one doing the preparation, only to be let down, once and again.

Time to go pick up my guitar.

Take me away, from you

I admit: It takes alot for me to suppress my intended feelings and smile at you even though deep down inside, all I want to do is to get my hands on that throat of yours. So if I ever bother to mask my hatred from you, it's time you think about how we've treated each other for as long as our acquaintence has been. Don't force me to give up being a listening ear, because things will go awry for you if I ever do that. I'm not indispensible, but I won't allow myself to become entirely obsolete.

To differentiate or to integrate

I just realised that I screwed my entire notebook by indicating the week wrongly. So this week’s supposed to be called recess week, not week 7. Well, I should be relieved to know that I have ample time to scrutinize my Chinese Studies text for my project. Those words… someone bring me a microscope, please.

And I’m the ultimate bag of excuses, armed with the extraordinary ability to evade anything with a little click of my finger, and a little excuse to top it off. I even find excuses to run away from myself, which is starting to sound freaky, like Dr. Jekyll running away from Mr. Hyde. Too much pondering on JJ Lin’s very disturbing Killa MV, I guess.

Of course, I’m poring over my indecisiveness to get my tresses coloured. I used to stand firm by the belief that being natural is being me, free of make-up and artificial conditioning to stand out from the crowd. But I have seemed to change, choosing to cower and dodge those seemingly doubtful stares which seemed to pierce even without the intent to do so. To stay the same may be an outright staging of protest against the fake and plastic. To harbour the thought of changing may either be a form of camouflage or a sign of cowardice. To make the change may be the ultimatum of failure to conquer.

Keep calling out

I'm supposed to get my friggin' ass into bed by now, going by the fact that I'm having driving lessons in another 9 hours' time, I've got a project to finish up and I just conquered Bukit Timah Hill 12 hours ago.

Hello?!

How can you expect a Virgo to go sleep without completing her routine? I'd rather be caught naked than to leave my daily agenda incomplete. Obstinacy is a killer, just like it is in my case. Judging by my dwindling effort to stay focused, I should be knocked out in a couple of minutes' time after I've finished with this entry.

The run of your life

My mum wringed her nose when she found out that I was going running at 4.15pm this afternoon, under the searing heat of the September sun. It turned out that the sun didn’t burn at all, and was comfortable enough with the slight breeze for a great jog. I thought I had cracked my knee when I was hurling myself down 14 flights of steps, but it turned out to be just a small stretch. It feels good to just run under the gentle sun, with good music plugged in and an empty running track.

The overwhelming stress I had exerted on myself for the past few days.Some frays of innocent infatuation.Those 200 calories from a portion of a mooncake which I’ve guiltily fed myself.Some comment someone kept repeating over the past 2 days.Worrying over my poor ability to keep up with that module.The disturbing yet relevant lyrics from a haunting song.

I needed to run these off.

And I’ll find more reasons to keep on running.

Mechanical Glitch

I’m so tickled by technology.

My laptop died on me while I was making a mad rush for today’s IT tutorial yesterday in the library, and my handphone did the same when I was supposed to meet Ducky and co. after school today. It just seems to happen at the most critical of times, at the most needy of moments. It cracks me up. I should just lug all my chargers along whenever I’m out to prevent such mishaps from occurring again.

Thanks to Ducky, Sub and Siti for the dinner and present. But all this pales in comparison to the company you’ve provided me and all those beads of laughter and laughter I wished I could keep forever bottled and close to my heart. Take care, and hopefully we’ll meet soon enough.

A long road, a far cry

I need to take a huge gulp of air and exhale deeply.

Good. I've calmed down.

Seems like things didn't go awry today, and that's the best thing that could have ever happen to me today. I wouldn't mind having my grape juice turn into vinegar in Biology lab lesson, as long as my performance didn't screw up. The good news are that my grape juice obediently fermented to form red wine, and I didn't screw up my performance.

But by the looks of it, I've still got a pretty long journey down the road of improvement. My performance's a far cry from those enviable vocals of my fellow CCA mates and seniors.

And I'll still have to repeat this tomorrow.

Turning 19 is a mental struggle

Oh well, it’s just another year. Things were so much simpler this year, and that’s what makes it so special. No elaborate cake-cutting sessions, no bimbotic presents, no guilt-inducing cakes. Just a simple lunch session and good, clean fun. How I wish things could stay this way, every year. It won’t be glamourous to turn 20.

May the luck be with me

This week's my luckiest week in the entire year, the astro stars said so.

And it is true up to this point.

Monday:It's probably just optimistic me, because not having my dreaded tutorial is a good enough reason to pop champagne, plus I had my favourite module lecture.

Tuesday:Yes! I finally confirmed my driving lessons! Which means, if everything doesn't screw up (I seriously hope it won't because it happened this week), there'll be an addition to the mad-hatter bunch of drivers on the road by the end of January next year. And my darling Jane unholed a lovely place for me to mug. Bring out the confetti.Plus, I managed to stay focused for the 6pm lecture.

Wednesday:I was supposed to dread today's practice due to a personal feud(albeit one-sided). Hey, but things weren't as what I imagined them to be. The people were lovely, and by the end of the day, I made a dozen friends. Plus, I had the first-hand feel of performing with just a keyboardist, which was a totally testing but enjoyable experience. Plus our very own David Tao, Jay Chou and Joe Cheng. Loads of laughter.

So...

I'm expecting much more out of today, because I'm going onto the road for the first time! The convo with Auntie was laughable:

Auntie: Are you coming back for lunch?
Moi: No, I'm having my driving lessons.
Auntie: You're driving?
Moi: Ya.
Auntie: You no have lessons today?
Moi: Have. After that.
Auntie: Har?!
Moi: After that. (A little agitated)
Auntie: Har?!
Moi: After that. After my lessons. (More agitated)
Auntie: Har?!
(At this point of time, she still hasn't caught what I said, and I was severely agitated because she was just a couple of feet away.)
Moi: Har har har...!!! I'm having my lesson after school lah! Aiyo!!!

Well I found it funny anyway.

When the boring gets bored

It’s difficult to pass a day without enduring my extremely annoying sister. For information, the PSLE is just approximately a month away, but she’s still whiling her days away, wasting those precious minutes and seconds. No amount of nagging, coaxing, coercing, threatening, and prep-talk suffices; nothing brainwashes her. She still living in her own little lalaland, so I’m just waiting for the good show she’ll put up when she scrambles to finish revision, if she ever does any, at the eleventh hour. Then I’ll have the last laugh.

I’m too lazy to count down to my birthday this year; it’s true, birthdays have become just a self-imposed statute to mark the day everyone saw you naked. Little wonder they called it a birthday suit. My temper’s improved as the week past, but I’m still not in the mood to do anything, be it to read through my readings or to check out information I’m obliged to gather for all my projects, although I still make it a point to finish up any tutorials after the last embarrassing encounter with an unfinished-tutorial class.
I need a huge pick-me-up.

I was blind not to have seen

I left school an extremely pissed person today. I should have just made myself scarce in the first place; they would probably be better off without someone like me, they'd probably see it as my loss. I'm just another anti-social loser out there bent on ruining my mood, and probably that of those around me. My mood just hit rock-bottom 3 seconds ago.Just great.

Frankly, I ain't liking some of those people there. The snobbish, the extreme anti-socials, the I-don't-like-you-because-you're-ugly idiots... They choose to pursue such skin-deep issues, instead of their passion for music. I think I made the wrond choice. I did myself such great injustice.

Letting go

Choosing to write a long entry didn't seem to benefit me; my wndow got closed down, even before I could even update. So my entire entry's gone.

Grandma's demise hit me hard, but I knew I loved her, and she won't want to see me shed tears over her; she was a strong woman through and through, so she wouldn't like me to cry too hard. The wind that whipped my face for the past few nights had dried my tears, and I would hear her silently called me out softly in that dialect, her soft wispy voice resounding in my head, and calling out my pet name in Cantonese. I shall keep her forever in my memory, together with the Cantonese I've picked up from her and Granddad as a child.

I love you, Grandma.

Live Strong

I hope I’ll stop receiving questioning looks over my volatile mood, because the one at the helm of it all isn’t me; I can’t even tell myself exactly what and how to feel. I’m too easily affected by the things going on around me, as though it’s second nature of mine to go around picking up bubbles of sadness and happiness and collate all of them within my scope of mood.

My grandma is not looking very good. It seems like the relapse this time round, although it doesn’t seem as bad, is causing her mood to take a huge hit. Every time she turns her head around and shakes her head with whatever strength she could muster from her feeble body, I had to turn away. And I feel so useless, although I know there’s nothing much I can do except to hold her hand and rub her back to tell her I’m still backing her up.Stay strong, my dear.

Brain Jam

I was severely annoyed by the fact that I couldn't remember anything important from the first Biology lecture, which drove me nuts last night. I did take a look at the notes before the lecture, took note of important points during the lecture and kept myself awake the entire time, and even took a second look through the notes after I got home. My brain is stagnating. Or maybe I just need to add another external hard disk drive.

Plight

I’m currently in a relatively bad mood because:

Manchester United lost to their supposedly weaker opponents over the weekend, despite fielding a relatively good team. Yes, you can bemoan the loss of my dearest Christiano and Wayne Rooney and account for the Devils’ fall with that. But that’s a terribly weak excuse. Hello, you’re supposed to be playing a team which you could have easily slaughtered with a Team II, but…? After lifting the EPL Cup last season, have they all gone weak to their arthritic knees, so bad that the last 3 games have been huge flops? I’m just terribly pissed. Totally. Well, At least Arsenal, Liverpool and Chelsea all drew with their opponents over their weekend, so that made it seem better.

I haven’t bought my Reading Pack for today’s lecture. I’m a on-the-ball freak, implying that I can’t just sit around and expect things to be done. Unfortunately, my alter-ego is a couch potato, so getting her to do something which involves going out of her way is like having a splint stuck to the underside of your feet. So I’ll just have to move her myself.

People I know just have to keep losing their things. I know this is a terribly lame excuse for me to lose my cool, but I can’t help it when they lose the most precious things. Someone just lost his PSP. I’m speechless.

Freaked out

I couldn't sleep beyond 6.30am due to the insufferable fact that I haven't finished bidding for my final module. It has been indoctrinated in me that if I don't, by hook or crook, squeeze in another module into my semester for this semester, I'm going to be up to my neck for the next few semester, which would be the last thing I'd wish for. After spending the entire of yesterday's late morning squabbling with Fay over MSN about her tutorial allocation, which involved a fair amount of coin-tossing and a silent temper building, I began to feel better-off due to the fact that I don't need to worry about freeing up one of my days; I've got lectures everyday. I getting way annoyed by the way this system works but, unfortunately, no one cares, so I wouldn't want to poke my big fat nose into this business.

A bout of nostalgia hit me when I made a call back to the office to ask after everyone. The familiar voice, the mindless jokes, the names I used to speak of every morning back in the office... Then the awkwardness of the conversation caught me red-handed; There was nothing much we could talk about, and the call lasted barely a minute.
What... has become of...

Can someone please slap me on the back and tell me everything will be alright

I'm currently feeling utmost perplexed about my current situation:
I haven't got the modules I wish to take this semester. I'll probably die from exhaustion in the next few semesters if this continues, or until I get those freaking modules. This system is driving me nuts.
My purse strings are schizophrenic. One moment I'm in a spending mood, and the other I'll be silently bemoaning my receding account balance. I wonder if I had really worked for the past few months, or has the money silently dripped out of my wallet. Shucks.
And I just feel like absolute crap... And I've never felt like this in such a long time...
The train ride home yesterday was an emotional struggle. I had to hold back those overwhelming feelings of nostalgia forming in my throat, and fight back those ugly tears of despair and slight regret. And here I go again.

When the time comes to say goodbye

I went around the house, trying hard to avoid tear drops that have inevitably found their way to the ground. They've been scarily often today, to the extent of escaping my acute sense of touch and taking their own sweet time to dribble down my face, unknowingly. I can't recall those familiar faces which may soon become faded, those voices I've gotten used to hearing every day,the laughter which bounced off the walls everytime someone cracks a joke, the cue to 'smile',the safety shoe joke, the teasing; those waves of tears will hit the marble again.
Thanks for always asking me to 'smile'.
Thanks for the lunch sessions, although Boss thinks that I'm just trying to leverage on your generosity.
Thanks for those words of encouragement, even though I still think that you deserve more credit than I do.
Thanks for those jokes, they make the nastiest customers look like angels.
Thanks for showing me around; I would have never had that chance of a lifetime to delve deeper into this field.
Thanks for the free disposable spoons and forks, although I never learnt to treasure them.
Thanks for that can of half-eaten jelly beans, which attracted a family of ants to my work desk. I kept the can.
Thanks for the salad lunch, it tasted much better than mine.
Thanks for recommending so many makan places to me.
Thanks for being the one to solve the problems I created.
Thanks for helping me even though you could have been busy yourself.
Last but not least, an infinite amount of thanks just for being apart of my life.
I'll miss you all.

Registration day

I was so freaked out when I got my queue number.
0338.
And that meant that I still had about a hundred impatient undergraduates waiting for registration ahead of me. Thank God, I found a schoolmate whom I was on talking terms with to share that short span of loneliness, because the system seemed ironically speedy. 15 minutes on, I was pacing towards the exit. Thumbs up for the miraculously fast process, I’d say.

Plus, I freaked my colleague out by coming into the office with purple nails and my glasses missing. His exclamation made it sound like an unpardonable crime for me to ever don contact lens again. So I’m going to put it on again tomorrow. Muahaha…

Chalet 24/7 - 26/7 Part II

You'll never sleep alone... It took more than just plain effort to go wandering around Sentosa before the island took a nosedive into dusk. And it was a stark contrast from the previous night, probably because we came out of hibernation much earlier on the second evening.

The initial idea to catch ‘Songs of the Sea’ was culled due to our tight budgets, but we still had a glimpse of what it was like. Nothing fantastic, seriously.
The trip to 7-Eleven was boycotted by the collective fact that we were simply too exhausted to register proper images in our heads, and also because the bike kiosk decided to shut their doors in our faces at 6.30pm. Oh boy, how fruitful.

Chalet 24/7 - 26/7 Part I

The tranquility of isolation Time flies whenever 1. You’re having fun or 2. You’re terribly pissed having to swat under your legs ever now and then to chase away feeding mozzies, get all freaked out by marauding lizards stalking you in the bathroom, fuss over those ants holidaying on your morning cup of coffee and get all piffed with the choked toilet basin.
How about a game of Monopoly? We had fun trying to perk ourselves up with a round of Monopoly, but we ended up driving our sleepy wits nuts trying to stay awake and ‘Out of Jail’ at the same time. Our next option was to set up our pit, since the sky looked much less constipated than it was when we arrived. Food, glorious food! I don’t understand how those people conjure up so much smoke with theirs, but our BBQ pit was obedient enough to survive the slight drizzle. The cheese prawns were mush tastier than they were the previous time round, the corn cob was fantastically buttery, the chili stingray was heavenly, as well as the other stuff we had. The native Chinese family besides ours had NO idea how yummy our food was, because they were grilling what looked like Chinese buns (which were supposed to be steamed, by the way) and other ‘un-grillable’ food. Bleah. And we still had unfinished food. Our next destination... Sentosa’s nightlife after 12am is unexpectedly boring. Even the beach bars and clubs had but just a handful of dolls and gigolos (those people looked as such to me, no offence). The lightings were alluring, but then again, they seemed mundane on the second look. We strolled past The Coffee Bean, and I was silently aching for a cuppa or two; I didn’t get my full dose of caffeine that day.
The walks of nightlife on Sentosa The pit-stop at 7-Eleven seemed timely and un-timely at the same time, because it made me comfortable but alarmingly sleepy. One Slurpee shared among the 4 of us, we managed to inject a notable level of noise pollution to the empty 24-hour kiosk at Palawan Beach.

Midnight sugar rush Again, my eyelids are drooping, so very silently yet disturbingly, like how they did that very night, in front of the mini water fountain. Ying had already mastered the art of sleeping as and when she deemed fit, and while the other 2 ladies have decided to mortify themselves by staring into black nothingness.
More photos, in the next entry.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Page 202... And counting.

Still in a desperate bid to keep my eyelids propped up to continue with the book, I'm resting my brain a little. The fresh contents keep flooding into my head momentarily, flitting in and out in frames, replaying scenes from the first few chapters. It has been a wait since the last book, and I still can't believe I actually bought it; I didn't buy any of the previous 6 books at all. But the release date was promptly set right after the fifth movie's debut, so it kinda cashed in on the sales.

The angst was evidently stronger, from the way Harry thinks and executes his feelings; he isn't afraid to voice out, although he still thinks that keeping some stuff untold would be a much safer option, lest his companions betray him. I'm particularly captivated by the way Rowling made death and suffering of the characters seem so natural, as though it had been a definite event.
So I'm barring my room door tonight, and anyone who dares to talk me out of reading the book will get a wand up the right nostril.

I will last the distance

Monday always carries a hunch for something bad, and it never fails to happen. It’s so bad that it makes everything seem at their worst. I can’t even make myself trust myself; it’s such a sweet irony, because I’ve been telling almost everyone to love themselves and trust their own instincts when I can’t even say the same for myself at this point of time. I start to doubt anything and everything, from the way I dress to the sarcasm-laden words from an unexpected party, and even the door never seems to close the way it used to.
Just because it’s Monday.
Just because I haven’t had breakfast.
And I probably won’t have lunch as well.

Had a lengthy session over MSN yesterday night over some “affairs of the heart”. I know things seldom turn out the way I wish, so I’m just indulging, as advised by a close friend. Hopefully this friendship will last the toil of time and distance.Hopefully.

When all else fails, go hungry

The sadistic pleasure I derive from keeping my stomach empty is starting to overwhelm me so much that I’m doing that just to please myself. I’m not trying to starve myself; I’m just using the emptiness to inject some reality into my life. Not eating only fuels my anticipation for dinner and the end of the day. My perspective has changed; a hungry person like me is never an angry person. It’s a person who’s even more driven to surpass others on an empty stomach. I’m currently cultivating this habit to curb my reliance on others, as well as to knock some realism into me. Life isn’t a bed of roses; you can’t always have a cake, not to mention eat it.

Perhaps I’ll just deviate a little here. You know how it feels like to have someone let you down over and over again. I should learn to grow accustomed to such situations, since they’re befalling me repeatedly, monotonously and it always happen with the same person. I’m over with being fed up; I’ll learn to trust no one else but myself, since I’m the only person who will never let myself down over and over again.
And over and over again.
Not even my empty stomach.

These imprints

I’m reluctant to coerce myself into accepting the fact that someone I’ve been working with for the past 3 months has left for greener pastures. Acquaintance and parting is all part of life, but adaptation is still too raw and painful to attempt. The kin-like relationship we shared, the umpteen times I upset you with the hurtful but mindless words from my mouth, the times you burst into the office with your megawatt smile and mawkish addressing, the pride you took in your work… Perhaps I will never be able to adjust to those empty holes in my life, not just after this episode, but also after I leave for school. I don’t want to think about it. I never want to severe all ties with all the people I’ve worked with for the past 6 months, simply because they taught me so much more about life than what all my teachers have imparted to me all these years. All your words will be forever etched my mind, and all your faces will become part of a special page in my life. Being unable to forget becomes a blessing, especially when you all have made such a huge impact to my life. I may be barely 19, but my path of maturing just became more colourful with you all. I feel truly blessed.

I think I’ll start to cry if I continue.

When that melody plays, I know it's you

I kept opening and minimizing the MS Word window; I’ve got too much in mind to jot down, but I don’t know where to start. Writer’s block is definitely sweet misery at this point of time, because I never want these beautiful memories and thoughts to just escape through the tips of my fingers and dissipate into thin air the moment I hit the ‘Enter’ key. I’ll just keep it to myself and bookmark it under Life’s sweet encounters”.

My beloved Yamaha finally returned back to my side, with a shiny, new gold-plated machinehead to boast about. He’s just as handsome, and he’s playing some really beautiful notes with those obscenely expensive new strings (NX! Why in the world did you buy such expensive strings?). All the credit goes to NX, who single-handedly brought my guitar down to the obscured Yamaha technical centre at hiding at a corner of Paya Lebar, ordered those beautiful replacements, cabbed down after school to collect them and replaced them. *Hugs* I sure owe you more than just Mac D’s.

Ping power

My collection of little breath mint cases is growing healthily, with me adding one to my working desk every week and using my job scope as an excuse to acquire more and more of these cute little things. I could recycle them as accessory boxes once I’m done with the candy inside, but in the meanwhile they’ll be sitting prettily on my desk to mark my territory. After all, someone else will be coming in to fill my position once I’m off to school. Unleashing flower power on my working area is timely.

I couldn’t clock 5 hours playing Sims 2; I was hanging on the hinge by the time I hit the fourth hour. Deprived of quality rest and relaxation, I continued to torture myself by gaming until 1 in the morning before my mum came out of her 2-hour long bath and decided that what I was doing was rather unhealthy. I guess my brains burnt out before my adaptor could. But it was a truly heavenly experience to game on my laptop; the graphics were second to none. I felt so cheated to have played Sims 2 on my home PC for 3 years and tolerated all the chipped graphics, lagging game time, inaudible Simlish and all the uncountable times it hung. I ain’t a pro gamer; I’m an avid one. Jack of all trades, master of none. I just haven’t got the financial ability to satiate my ambitious dream to conquer all types of gaming platforms, or else I would be cooped up at home all day, hooked to my PC or some video game. Terribly unhealthy hobby which will never lace with my persona.

Grossly engrossed

I’m finally coercing myself to start cultivating my withering reading habit, since I figured out that being literarily apathetic in Arts would definitely be a bane. But I’m currently starting with some simple fiction and some of my favourite authors, before progressing to other genres of literature; you can’t expect me to start with Hamlet and rattle off lines of Shakespeare at this point. I’m totally gearing up for school! Man, this girl’s mad.

It's all a facade

Maybe I shouldn't even have bothered to ask, since I anticipated such response from the start. But for the sake of upholding a withering spirit which never was quite there, the dates were changed not once but twice, the same old people were begged repeatedly...

Perhaps I wasn't even looked upon as a leader, and only a puppet in your condescending hands of play. I'm constantly manipulated by your false words, your cruel interpretations, your ruthless finger-pointing, your "harmless" bullying... I didn't appreciate having my stuff vandalised. I didn't appreciate the malignant laughter. I didn't even like your attitudes one bit. You were just like some holy shit which people worshipped and willingly let themselves fall into your pile of shit. You're such a big loser in my eyes.

Please, people.Stop trying to sound so over-zealous over things, only to fold your arms and take on the role of a by-stander. I'm irked by your "rather-stay-home-and-rot" attitude. I shouldn't have agreed to start all this crap in the first place.

What a bitch and nosey parker I was. All those outings and planning were just a huge pacifier to humiliate me.

Hypothetical disability

I'm reading the signs and calibrating those vague impressions, making a hypothesis and predicting the next stept to contemplate. I might be wrong again this time round, but I'm not letting loose of any glimmer of chance. Past lessons taught me to keep to myself and shield myself from the blows of reality, but I'm prepared to make the same old mistake all over again. The wounds incurred in the past have start to scab and fade away, and their diminishing visibility has fuelled my opportunistic ambitions.The time has come.

Aww... where has all the fun gone to

Everyone's having alot of fun with their blogs; Fay's got loads of laughable vids from YouTube on hers, Evan's is full of Avril Lavigne, DD has got alot of pretty pictures... My blog's plain and boring.

Tomorrow's Fay's last day, but I doubt the people in her department will be treating her to something good. They've never really treated her in a very friendly way, anyway. Sigh...

My astrology says that my love sign's unusually strong this week, so I should give a small little present to the one I fancy to catch his attention. What a load of bovine excrement.

Spare me of the silence

Yes, I'm friggin' irritated.
I'm terribly bugged by the fact that you're the ONLY ONE in the office who's ignoring me. I'm annoyed by your nothing-has-happened attitude. I'd rather you told me off the other day than to treat me like someone whom you'll dispose off at the end of the month. I like to feel part of this small cluster of friendships, instead of being treated like an outsider. Perhaps you felt that maintaining your silence will ease the tension but, on the contrary, it's building up instead.
And it's getting on my nerves.
And you probably still wouldn't understand.
Forget it.

Darlin'... tell me what to do to make things right

Say hello to my new darling. He's sleek, sophisticated, and most importantly, he's WHITE.

Haha.

That was misleading.

I was talking about my new lap darling- the Fujitsu LifeBook. I had spotted the Fujitsu IT show in the newspapers a few days ago, and thought it was pleasing on the eyes and the configurations were pretty impressive. The salesman was fervently recommending the laptop to me and my (somehow uninterested) mum, and I had no way out but to stey focused while my mum's attention drifted off to the Watsons' outlet. So after a few rounds of talking-to and playing with some of the features, I nodded.

So it turned out that the sales guy was also waiting for Uni admission and, coincidentally, to the same Uni as me. Whatever. And he was blabbering on and on and on... and on about how he regretted choosing that particular course, all these and more despite the fact that I was less than interested.

So the day ended with a very satisfied me and a very dissatisfied Mum (who couldn't find that Coach outlet).

Take me for a spin again and I'll rip your testicles out

Dinner was supposed to be enjoyable, amidst all the anticipation for something much more palatable. *Bleah* I expected something much much much more stomach-friendly and mood-appeasing than hawker food, much more at the Esplanade.What a spoiler.

The cab ride added fuel to the fire. What in the ****ing hell did the taxi driver take us for? Bleary-eyed, easy prey for a spin at Marina South? He even asked us if we were tourists. Oh, so you would knock the daylights out of us by charging us heavenly sums for a dumb taxi ride if we were? I, for a fact, DID NOT buy the fact that we had to pay S$8.40 for a retarded ride from the Esplanade to Marina South. THAT didn't make dinner seem more precious. THAT didn't make our meeting more meaningful.

My entire evening, night and early morning was ruined.

RETARDED.

Run away to another paradise

Another chalet on the slots!
I'm getting those pink bubbles every time I think about our upcoming chalet. It'll be at our very laid-back Sentosa this time round, so hopefully I'll be in the mood to take my mind off work and indulge in the serenity of our lovely island. Night cycling, spending the entire night hooking up the WiFi at MacDonald' and welcoming the sunrise at Siloso Beach... Lovely. I'm getting those pink bubbles again.

When the sighs come marching in

NX's persistant phone calls told me something wasn't right.
"Important call", she messaged.
"They say, they don't have your model's machinehead le. Too old le."
*Sigh*
"They only have silver ones. No gold-plated ones."
*Sigh*
So my darling will only come back to me in another month's time.
*Sigh*
Looks like I shall have to continue to rely heavily on my steelstring darling.

Short attention span

Call me a procrastinator if you must, because my ATT is merely 10 days away and I've just start to flip through that wickedly confusing book. I'm finding it a chore to go through that book because 1.I've got to endure all that teeny weeny print and a whole dozen loads of confusing explanations. You simply can't put everything and anything practical into a book and expect a goondu like me to comprehend everything and 2.I'm simply lazy to the core.I'd rather do unimportant stuff like compiling all the scores of my favourite songs into a jotter book and paint my nails an autistic hue and indulge in my newly acquired NFS Carbon than to study for something blaringly urgent.

In the meanwhile, most of my friends have decided to play hide-and-seek with me by disappearing althogether from my MSN screen and cellphone. I think I must be the only one who's that free to come online 4 times a day.

Throwing it all out

I'm alright now.

I guess everyone needs to take out some time from life to take a breather. I guess the self-oppression didn't work out so well; I did some injustice to my eyes and nose yesterday in the office and I'm still feeling terrible about it. "Venting it out is better than keeping it inside- you'll soon explode," my colleague advised. I guess he was right. I tend to keep stuff inside to deny others of the tragedies erupting in my life, because I don't appreciate sympathy from others, neither do I want fingers to point at me and accuse me of shedding crocodile tears. When I'm upset, I'm thoroughly through with all sensible thoughts in my head. Forgive me if I happen to be incoherent or incorrigible these few days. I just need some brain power to sort things out.

Self-detonation

Maybe that’s what people deem as self-disbelief. In the most distraught of times and during the most hectic moments, the arrows start firing themselves back at me. The perpetuator? Me, myself and I. If only I could stand firm and not sound like a pushover, will people not start to take advantage of my soft spots. That’s going to take a whole lot of courage. Courage to stand against all odds, courage to thump my fist firmly on the table and say “No”, courage to stay true to myself and courage to fight back those tears which overwhelm my words whenever I feel like I can’t take things any longer. I guess I only have myself to blame.

Congestion of the empty mind

If I'm seen blogging at this moment of time, it means I'm terribly bored off my socks. It's an irony because 2 days ago, I was working 2 hours past my normal working time, rushing to complete the nasty paperwork portion of my job. Perhaps if I could have just procrastinated a little more and delayed stuff a bit, then maybe I could have avoided the unnecessary comical harassment from my colleague who was working late that day. *Bleah*

Things are spinning a little out of control. Events start to flood in, and my calendar's getting a little squeezy. ATT, registration for Uni, the could-have-been-redundant medical check-up, repairing my darling guitar (which I'll be passing over to NX later on in the day)... I'm mentally congested.Someone get me those carbon pills.

Lunching out

A box of salad got me and Fay a free game of pool and very yummy sandwiches. Apparently, Mr. Dave couldn't keep his hands off my lunch, so I got all thick-skinned and requested for free lunch in return. *Claps* How shameless can I get? Fay was in her usual "anything" mode, so I dragged her out of the office as well (Hello?! You need some fresh air to keep sane in such a freezing environment!) God knows lunch turned into a session of pool. Bleah. I've had a game or two of that in the past, but the testerone-charged pool center was intimidating. Fay's debut on the green velvet turned out impressive, beating me to the last 2 balls (plus an 'own goal'). An hour got the 2 guys 5 rounds, but it got us only 1 round (plus many rounds round the table), owing to our out-of-this-world skills. *Chokes*

*half an hour later*After conveying Fay's comment that Dave's like a Dad to me, that nutcase spent the next 3 hours trying to coax me into calling him 'Ah Pa'. (weak smile) Thanks, but no thanks. I give him the due respect I have for people his age, but I do banter alot with these lovely colleagues of mine like they're family.

The crux of staying sane

Shopping trips always have to interrupted by the natural elements, in my opinion. I could have jolly well left the office earlier by 5 minutes to dodge the sickening downpour, but my biological clock was jammed at the 'workaholic' mode. 5 minutes... *Sigh*

The main point was the shopping, although we spent alot of time deciding if we should enter a particular shop. We haven't developed the keen sense of interpersonal intuition, apparently. The damage I did was mediocre, as compared to my other shopping trips, with just a crucial pair of very pretty sandals for work and nail polish in a very yummy hue of luscious orange. I'm totally dying to try this colour out on my toes, but they're currently donning the baby blue with flowers, so orange will have to K.I.V.

We still have the very obscene habit of repetition, which is totally getting on my nerves although I'm totally enjoying the feeling of getting on others' nerves. *Evil laughter* And it dawned upon me that the 'bok' segment of our conversation was totally retarded. I don't know why I came up with it. And while I'm still wading on the surface of everything, I'm also trying to delve deeper into everyone's habitual life and develop closer bonds with everyone.

Chipped

Important lesson of the day: Never attempt to strum the guitar for more than an hour if you've got brittle nails.

This popped up in my head during lunchtime, when I happened to want to sweep my fringe from my eye. The stinging sensation prompted me to examine my right index finger. *Gasp* My nail has chipped. Shucks. In future, I shall not be overzealous when it comes to such stuff. After all, I haven't got the habit of playing the guitar for longer than an hour (other than during my lessons in the past), so being overly enthusiastic when trying to master a musical piece can prove malignant to my fingers... and nails.

Night Air

Night Air - Teddy Geiger


The night air breathes
But not so easy as before
Did you notice
Did you take the time to listen
To my breath or to my words
When I spoke I explained my feelings
And my reasons for the way I love you
I'm getting to the point

And I feel like I do
Even more now that I'm leaving
Well, I feel just like I do when I'm with you

And she's so sweet and
I'm leaving thinkin
How I'm barely breathin'
Notice how your every look gives me tingles
And I wonder if your listening to what I'm thinking
We won't fade away

And I feel like
I do even more now that I'm leaving
Well, I feel just like I do when I'm with you
And I feel like I do even more now that
I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you
So what am I to do
My feelings have not fallen away
Your my every thought yeah
Everything will go on it's own way
Everything is ok we can try to make it
Everything will go, it's all right baby
It's all right baby, its all right baby girl
My feelings have not passed away
You're my every thought here, everything will

It made me go 'haiz......'.
Beautiful song from a pretty guy.

Figuring it all out

I sure lack understanding of the various personalities revolving around my life. It seems as though the gap between hasn't been bridged; it's all a mirage. Oh great. So I spent half of my life so far trying to figure one person out and I end up slapping myself in the face because I haven't exactly moved from that spot. Should I try to delve deeper? I guess wading at the top of the pond would be much better.At least I can breathe.

Pizza hearts

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going."

I pretty much milked every ounce of energy in my tired body for whatever it's worth. Work's a killer (like it has always been), and this huge bout of killer headache just had to hit me during dinner with my JC friends. How appropriate. Ducky'd rather spend her mealtime observing the indian exchange students horsing around in the restaurant than to pay attention to her black pepper spagetti, while I was lamenting about how people have NEVER initiated to give me a massage. Apparently, I had always been the one to give people massages whenever they feel bogged down by schoolwork and stuff. Oh well, it seldom pays to be kind. And CT was conscientious enough to compile her precious photos into an album. I probably wouldn't have half the amount of patience. Dessert was a sinful reward for half a week's worth of heard work slogging my guts out in the office, although I would have felt much better if they had fruits instead.Then I probably wouldn't feel as guilty as I'm feeling now.

The resounding echoes

The repeated slaps of the guitar swayed my impression of the song. I never thought that a simple set of lyrics blanched with the chords from an acoustic guitar could sound so comforting to the ear. It sucks when you listen to a fusion of various instruments coaxed unconditionally into a musical piece and hear them rattle individually like a bunch of rowdy kids; they fail to impress. But that angelic voice and that angelic acoustic just blows me away.

Volatility of my mood

It's one of my countless mood swing moments this morning. I woke up a grouchy person, popped onto the bus to work feeling pretty emotionless and swung open the office door a pissed off person. I need to work on that anger management folio.

After 10am, my mood took a dip after reading some tragical story and felt utterly like sh*t. Oh well.

Coffee did me good after 10.30am. Alright, that does it. I'm going to marry Coffee.Haha.

I learnt

I screwed up at work once again, for the umpteenth time this month. Thank God, miracles choose to beset themselves on me. But this past month has taught me more that I could have ever expected to acquire during my stint here.

I learnt about patience. It's not just about the wait. It's about learning to keep yourself sane in a spasmodically moving working pace, keeping your cool while having someone holler at you over the phone and learning how to say 'no' when the time comes.

I learnt about the benefits of humour. I could never have survived through all those bouts of mad rush every morning if not for my ol' so lovely colleagues and the insanely hilarious jokes they crack to lighten up the atmosphere whenever they sense a storm brewing. I will miss those mornings once I start school. *Sigh*

I learnt to appreciate. Everything. I learnt to say "Morning!" in a cheery mood even though I might be sulking deep down inside, just to start the day right. I learnt to say "Thank you!" with my heart, because I really mean it. I learnt to take breaks, because that's the very thing that drives me on. I learnt to joke, even though I could be the butt of the joke. I learnt to take in the aroma of coffee, even though it might be laced with cigarette smoke. I learnt to accept people with short-comings.

I learnt to take things easy, even when people try to put me in a spot. I learnt to calm those irate voices with silence and speak with authority to ensure them that the situation's in good hands.

I learnt to blush.

Sensitivity

"Julie, does your boyfriend smoke ah?"

In the midst of all the confusion and havoc in this cosy little haven tucked away in a small corner in the office, my colleague just gave me a little extra stuff to think about.

"Aiyo, I have no boyfriend..."
"Aiyo sollie sollie..."

He meant "sorry". I forgive him.

You know how it sucks when such questions pop up from nowhere and jolt you out of the daze of normalcy. So, am I supposed to have someone else in my life?

And although smokers irk me to the point of little redemption, but people will change. Will you?

Random... Really random

Call me mad, but I'm carefully cultivating my calluses. It takes alot of sacrifices to do something I love really well, so even if playing the guitar is going to give me calluses and disfigure my hands, I'm going to give it my all. Ooh, that rush of bubbles and little hearts to the epitome of my brain is making me go all pink!

Sometimes it takes alot to rip your heart wide open and expose that raw side of you to people. No everyone favours that side of yours, and that's the downside of trying to be true to those around you.

Your last smile

That shy boy.
That smile which was etched on his face and now in my mind.
That limp handshake which I took into my own hands.
That very cute reply.
That voice which mesmorised me.

The big fat brown envelope

3rd of May 2007.

I'm officially an undergraduate.

But the unfulfiled wish to have both universities accept me is still lingering in my mind. Perhaps I'll just wait for another 2 weeks to see if another envelope will find its way into my mailbox.

Just another 2 weeks.

Thanks for the truth

You know how excruciating it is to have to wait for so long, get rebutted for not being understanding and have the ugly truth sploshed in your face like a bucketful of ice cubes. That was what I got, and I'm utterly unappreciative of such egoistic behaviour. But on the account that we've been classmates and (good) friends for so long, I'll forgive you for whatever misconception you have of me. I'm a girl, and I appreciate it when people actually listen to me. If you decide to shut yourself out of my life (or the other way round), there's absolutely nothing I can do, and will do. But I treasured every single moment of friendship with you and hopefully the kind of platonic friendship we had forged in the past will continue its run in our life theatre.

But thanks for everything, all in all.

Genting trip 29/4 - 1/5

I had the extremely unrealistic urge to attempt to bring back with me a part of the clouds from the highlands of Genting in a bottle, but it came across as a mission-impossible idea, so all I brought back are memories, food and even more precious memories. Hmmm, shall I start to do my Math?

1.The number of times we tried the Space Shot. The hesitation to play the game started to linger from afternoon onwards, where I caught the screams from this station at the Outdoor Theme Park. It sounds like an asylum resident’s idea to get yourself strapped to a chair, raised 10 storeys above ground level and into the clouds, and get the hell ride of your life as you drop without warning from up there. The feeling of insecurity hovers above your head the entire time, despite the presence of a harness and, well, a harness. Everyone became equal at that point of time and place. If it isn’t wrecked by multiple plays the next time I set foot on Genting, it’ll definitely be a must-try.

2.The number of nights we spent there. This memory of our first overseas trip together will forever be etched in my mind. How many times in your lifetime can you get the opportunity to travel out of the country with your bunch of Besties? It’s another first time on our list.

3.The number of bruises I’m currently nursing from the multiple times we spent at the Bumper Cars. And mysteriously, all of them take the shape of Mickey Mouse. Also the number of hours we spent singing karaoke. I would probably head to Genting whenever I feel the urge to sing if I had the means to do so. RM 18 for 3 hours of singing, lovely lunch, a bunch of cute waiters popping in every now and then and a huge room was totally worth the while. The only downside would be the lack of recent songs.

4.The 4 of us. My life just became more meaningful with my Besties around, and this trip was no exception.

6.The total number of hours I slept during this 3D-2N trip, maybe slightly more. It’d be a huge waste to spend the entire night sleeping when we could use this time for doing obscenely childish stuff like asking questions and deriving the answers from poker cards. We did just that last night, and we had more than just a couple of good laughs, denial, disbelief and agreement.

Alright, I’m freaking shagged at this point of time, so if I happen to remember more stuff (despite hitting my head once at the monorail station and thrice on the tour bus), I’ll probably put it in my next entry.

Will they ever listen?

A sense of self-reproach was looming over me the entire morning. I just feel guilty for making the act of taking leave a habit and leaving my colleagues to grapple haplessly with the shortage of manpower. I feel like a selfish bitch.

Counting 1 day to the trip.Am I overzealous or what?! Maybe it's the insatiable yearning for a holiday. I sound like a country bumpkin. Haha.

Oh well, someone updated his blog at 2201hrs yesterday. At 2243hrs, there were close too 200 comments. What's the obsession with leaving comments? No way in the world are you going to coax me into believing that that guy reads all his comments. But yesterday's entry should act as a diery to those who have been lamenting that that guy doesn't update his blog as often as the others. True, but it's none of our concern as to when he chooses to update. It's plain stupid to update for the sake of satisfying the preying eyes of fans or establishing your presence. It's good he put some heart into the entry, but it's a huge pity that despite all the requests and pleas to simmer down on the crazed and dazed star-chasing, the results aren't showing.
At all.
Tragic.

Forget and forgo

Would you ever do something against your will just for a friend? The sacrifice... Is it worth it? Would you ever survive the heartache?

Yesterday's dinner was fantastic. (P.S: No stomachache this morning!) The discussion swerved around sharing stuff for the trip, nonsensical jokes about repetition, and our food. I guess we're all prett chuffed about the trip. It may seem short, but nothing beats an escapade out of this killer routine of mine. Sometimes, the gush of fresh, untainted air into your lungs works even better than some elixirs. I'm totally looking forward to waking up in the morning and taking in a huge breath of cold morning air and smile sheepishly to myself.Counting down 3 days!

So my words were meant to be forgotten.How appreciative.Did I expect you to forget? Partially, because I know it might be either on purpose or you just refuse to face up to reality. Playing the 'run-away' game is so yesterday. Anyway, I apologise if I made a huge fuss about it, despite the fact that I'm anticipation such less-than-lukewarm treatment.

Cure my abhorrence

I've been advised to get my butt out of the office more frequently in order not to turn into Milo Freeze. Alright, that was lame.

Sorry if I've been wallowing in self-pity for the past few hours (it hasn't even gone on to days and I'm lamenting already) because many of my peers have already received acceptance letters from the Universities. I ain't disbelieving in myself; I just can't help but think this way, because my results may not look as colourful on print as many of those witty scholars', who churn out straight A's at will. Bleah. This topic is so demoralising, I'm going to stop here.

Then I tried to be a smart Alec and ended up tripping my friend's anticipation for a better job. Sorry, Fay. I didn't live up to expectations. The disappointment for you was as great for me. Find me a wall.

I'm still piling on the lozenges as I speak. The abhorrence I have for sore throats is indescribable. They just lurve to implicate me whenever I'm having something huge on my agenda. The last time I had a really terrible infection of the throat was when FLH came to Singapore, although that was worse due to the accompanying nasal infection and fever. This one just had to surface last Thursday night, with fever and a nose runnier (is there such a word?!) than a half-cooked sunny-side egg yolk). And that was just a day before my BTT. Bovine excrement...

Looking on the brighter side, I'm counting down 7 days to the trip!!! Gambate!!!

Wrong my right

Despite struggling to keep my eyelids propped up and my nose attached to my face, I shall risk it all to update. Haha. Exaggerating.

I was in an apparent spending mood today, judging from the number of purchases I made with my card and cash. I was tempted into buying the April issue of Color with FLH on the cover by Jane (partially because I'm a huge KPO who loves to take sneak peeks into the bags of celebs). And I was beyond thrilled to find out that most of them actually own a PSP. 3 cheers for the PSP-gaming clan! Had an extremely extravagant appetite today (after downing a baked potato from Delifrance @ $8.35, fruit juice @ $3.10 and $7.30 for dinner), but I guess it's alright to maintain an upbeat mood with healthy and great food.

Bugis Street was bustling with activity this Friday night, although it was a little less crowded than I had expected a Friday night to be. After ransacking several stores and (possibly) offended a few shop owners with our blatant comments on originality, price and colour, we decided to settle on a brandless bag, with a different colour for each of us. We figured that although that fake Puma bag looked pretty original, it would never feel the same as compared to owning an original piece. Sometimes, being indifferent about brands can be a blessing as well.

As for our makan session, we contemplated looking for that very restaurant which they had makan-ed at, but in the end we got lost ourselves, drowned out by the massive crowd which poured into Bugis Street with the flicker of every green man. So we settled for a restaurant at the corner of Bugis Street called Memoirs, since they were offering a set meal at just $6.50++. The food was great, the service was never better and the staff were friendly. And guess what?! This was the very restaurant! How lucky were we! I guess God loves His dumb kids as well. Haha.

Being on either side of a thin line

Fay and I weren’t indulging in the silly answers of horoscope tests yesterday night; it was a fruitful chat with someone who seemed too keen on keeping those knotty-bitty troubles to herself. It wasn’t an emotional heart-to-heart chat, although I might have scared her off by telling her cheekily that I could have been more explicit when it comes to some stuff. ;) Haha. At the same time, I was on another convo box with NX, lamenting over something stupid. I can be reliant on others when it comes to pouring out my troubles. I need a good listening ear, just like how I can be an equally good one. And I’m blessed to have people listen to me complain about the same person for the nth time.

As usual, Fay and I were chatting about relationships and how absurd a one-sided, inequitable relationship can be. In fact, I’ve never been in a mutual relationship before; I’ve always been the one giving. It sounds really dumb, but after yesterday night, I think I wouldn’t delve into a proper relationship even if I’m presented with the chance. The sacrifices would be huge, and although I’m numb to giving, there will be things in life I wouldn’t forsake to go into a relationship. I think I sound even dumber, because you must be thinking, “This bitch hasn’t even started on the playing field and she’s already given up”. I’m not giving up. It’s just that all the right people can appear at the wrong time and do all the wrong things, or that all the people who seem right are actually wrong. Or maybe it’s just that I’m never the right one for anyone. Ha.

Self-fulfilment

The sense of accomplishment has been hovering above my head ever since I completed the interview yesterday. In fact, things in life seemed to have picked up after yesterday.

That damned passport.
You know how it feels to be really enthusiastic about a trip and go all holiday-moody, until you flip open your passport and discover that *gasp* it's expired. Thank God, that gasp from me came early, so I'll be able to get my passport by the end of next week. Anyway, I just happened to pick out this weird trend. Alright, it's so obvious it's blindly, that Singaporeans lurv to queue for things. Be it chicken rice at a dollar, Hello Kitties, that 10 million Toto draw, and even passports. Oh dear. I wonder if the younger generations, like ours, are going to catch on as well. Then the world at that time would be so full of queues, people from the Moon are going to think that we just built a few more Grear Walls of China.

That test/ interview at NTU.
Thank God I knew who the President of Iran was, or else I would have basically flopped real badly at the test. It was very "GP-ish" (like what the girl besides me told another girl), but I guess the interview would be my determinant. The professors were friendly enough to make me feel at ease, and it was more of a chat than an interview. I was probably the last interviewee, because those 2 seniors who were cracking up within their own 'bubble' with their personal jokes and all that looked visibly listless and lethargic. Alright, so that one's down.

Lending out my Math C notes.
Alright, this wasn't as significant, but considering the fact that I'm a compulsive procrastinator, accomplishing such meagre tasks can take ages. So I'm just glad I took time out to sort out my stuff, after 3 weeks.

Spotting that really cute guy.
Yes, I admit, I'm boy-crazy. I love to guy-watch, and that's a fact that even I have to cope with. So, retail therapy's really helpful after a lengthy afternoon of self-created distress, especially when that cute shop assistant pops up from behind the shelf and asks you: 'Miss, can I help you?' Alright, the dialogue was self-imaginery, but who wouldn't start to hallucinate, especially when he looks ol' so familiar?

Getting the hang of that lovely song.
For close to 2 weeks, I couldn't find the time to figure out the correct strumming pattern of 'Goodbye to You' by Michelle Branch. It's a relatively simple song, but the strumming's tricky. Youtube did me a huge favour.

Trouble troubling

Sometimes, when the waiting game takes its toil on my brittle heart, I'll need some form of emotional release. 4 years and counting, I'd say. You'd probably give me a good thrashing and advise me to move on, but unfortunately, I don't really know the meaning of that. I can't just unload this sentiments and chuke it somewhere obscure. It's so not me to do such things.
Perhaps I'm just sentimental. Perhaps I've been cut so deep on the first try that I'd rather mask
everything with a reluctant smile. Perhaps, you just need to know how i feel.

Too many things on hand to settle, so little time. Little wonder I coped myself up in the bathroom for another lengthy crying session. I'd brand that as 'self-counselling', because the motion of crying is rhetoric enough.

And I hate it when people are being too nice to me. I tend to grow on these people and become emotionally reliant on them. I don't like how I'm feeling now. It makes me feel lost whenever these people exit from my life.

And good luck to myself for the interview and test tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to conjure up some magic on the spot to score brownie points with the interviewers.

I'm still incoherent

Sounds equally unbelievable to you and I, but when I got the sms at 9 in the morning, I almost jumped out of my skin. I've been asked to go down for an interview and test this Saturday. Now I'm emotionally affected for the entire day. Great. My Saturday agenda just got longer.

Hung out at the playground until 10 yesterday, making plans for the trip and playing silly games. Haha. That's the kind of life. I wouldn't imagine life when school starts. I never wanna
experience mainstream stress again, but it's an inevitable path of life. Bleah.

Super pissed that Bayern got booted out of the CL. I'm just waiting for ManU to thrash Milan and show them who's boss.

I'm incoherent

The vision of him couldn't stop swimming in my head, thanks to Fay and that very sweet dream I had the other night. Every corner of my mind's submerged in illusions of him walking past that glass window besides my cubicle, brushing past me at the bus interchange, sitting in each and every car which drove past the buses I took... I've just fell into the bottomless pit of uncontrollable brain spasm. Someone please splosh me with ice water.

Second day working in a new environment, and I haven't exactly gotten accustomed to the people and the working procedure. Yes, the boon's that I get to knock off early, but the bane's that I've got alot of responsibility on my shoulders. The pressure's there inevitably, but I guess it'll be up to me to decide if I'm going to let it engulf me or not.

Oh great. So I'm supposed to be overseas in 3 weeks' time and my passport has to expire.

And I found it a huge pity that nice guys smoke.

Heartbreak mode

It's going to be an uphill task for me to integrate into this new environment with entirely new things to do. It's no longer the simple stuff of generating cover letters and price lists, but getting on the phone and taking orders worth a few thousand bucks. The thought of dealing with so much money sends shivers down my spine. But all in all, i;m determined to give it my all in an all-male environment to deter those unbelieving eyes.

I'm prepared to have my heart broken, anytime. There's nothing I can't undertake now.

That stroll into the stark room seemed forever. My footsteps grew heavy when I saw you, up there, on the raised platform. Your positional superiority overwhelmed me instantly. Those innocent eyes... I can never get enough. The crowd forces itself out of the door, but they didn't push me away. They couldn't. Because at that very moment, you were looking at me.