Ushering in the New Year

"You gain some, you lose some."

And I'm a staunch believer of that, because this year has been exactly like that, like every year was. But I think I've been a fairly good girl for the past few years, because 2008 has been the year metamorphosis took place in my life to the greatest extent. And everyone was involved, which was a good thing.

1. I found the love of my life. It's been a whirlwind ride for us as individuals looking for that someone perfect for us, getting heartbroken and totaled in the process. But here I am, with my hand in yours, and it'll stay that way for as long as we keep it this way. For someone who compromises but never too much, for someone who's childlike enough with his lame jokes and yet mature enough to knock some sense into me whenever I'm out of line, this year's to you.

2. Turning 20. I'm just shamelessly defiant when it comes to turning two decades old. It makes me sound like a mountain tortoise. But might as well.

3. Scoring my first A and C+. Yay to the former, yucks to the latter. And I'm only going to get better and better at this, with MY OWN EFFORT, nevertheless. You know how much i hate leveragers. Their A's and whatnot are SO not justified, and I lose all respect for them.

4. My Gurlies. No PR strategy, just to acknowledge my Gurlies for their tolerance, especially after 2 out of 4 of us got attached. Of course, amidst mad work and study schedules, we still managed to sieve out time to meet and be crazy for those few hours, but it's all worth it. The incoherent midnight MSN-ing and emotional support they gave was priceless, especially when I had no one to turn to. Kudos to them.

5. Geyao. Joining Geyao has been an eye-opener for me ever since my first semester here, because I get to experience things I don't usually get to outside of it. Rehearsals, jamming, studio recording, getting my hands on writing lyrics and melodies (though many are half-done and lacking in substance), fooling around in KTV with a bunch of skilled vocalists, building invaluable stage experience, making friends, etc. Most importantly, I found Jack there! No no, not the 3.5mm earphone jack. Someone to share my love for music, and be my love. And we're only one of the many many (and still growing) couples there!

6. Primary School mates. This made it in time for the closure of 2008. So it seems like I've been missing out on all my Primary school gatherings since Sec. 2, because NONE of them recognised me at first sight. Seriously, did I change that much? They made it seem as though I went for plastic surgery (which I didn't). But it's good to know that some things never change.


I know I'll probably regret it if I post it here, because I'll have hoards of people hunting me down if I don't fulfill them.

New Year Resolutions:

1. Pull up my C.A.P. And I mean it.
2. Stop conflicting with my parents. Or my mum, to be specific.
3. Exercise! Okay, I've been constantly losing weight, but for the wrong reasons. I dropped by 3kg, then 8 kg, then 3 kg, all without exercise. So I'm all flabby. Yuck. Arghhhh~
4. Save money. Alot.
5. Strengthen all my relationships, be it with Jack, or with my Gurlies, or with cT and co, or with any of my friends.
6. Write more lyrics. I've got 3 half songs, and only 1 full song which I have no intention of publishing.

Muffins and children

My sis will kill me if she hears me say this, but Joanne (Jack’s sis) makes lovely cupcakes! Haha no currying of favour intended here, just honest confessions. I’m such a foodie, my size explains it all. Jack just crumbled up the cupcake, shoved it into his mouth, and made a face. Haha.



Tuition was taxing (as it always has been). To handle 10 primary school kids who like to speak simultaneously and make weird noises, it’s like babysitting 10 times over. And the next worse thing? Marking their assignments. And I felt bad about not attending the Christmas party, because the kids were pestering me as to why I didn’t turn up, and Violet actually prepared gifts for us. Omg I feel super bad now, because I just unwrapped the present to find a purple Parker pen with my name engraved on it. Damn.

Subtle happiness

I realised the progress of time only allowed me to learn even more from things around me, including myself. And the past few days have etched a deep impression in me.



Sometimes, when you try really hard to be someone everyone likes, it turns out really horridly. And that was what happened. I'm just glad that I've found the ONE PERSON who has the ability to knock some sense into me whenever I utter something really insane, even when it means crazy phonecalls at unearthly hours. The remorse hit in the late morning, coupled with sore and puffy eyes and a congested throat. I paid the price, learnt the lesson. I promise, I'll never say those hurtful things again. It's only when you reflect upon what you've just said that you realise that you haven't been kind with your words. And I learnt it the hard way.



But you know I still love and treasure you all the same.

Lunch steaming with love from Jack's kitchen

Catching up done with the double G's - I got thrashed. Real bad.

Primary school gathering made me laugh. ALOT. As much as I hated my schooling days before JC, taking a peek back at the silly moments in Primary School was fun. We had so much sharing and catching up done over the 9 hours we had (with boardgames at Settlers' and dinner at The Coffee Club), and we've even set the tentative date for the next gathering.



Juliet, one of my best friends in Primary School. We were snail-mailing each other up to Sec. 4.



Two of the three guys who attended.
From left: Jeremy and Hao Yi. I remembered having a crush on Jeremy. Haha. And we were talking about how Jeremy and Haoyi not having much change (lookswise) from Primary school days. And while Jeremy was furiously pushing HaoYi to Charmaine (in hope of rekindling their Primary school 'romance'), the rest of us were shoving Matthew to her as well. I swear she got really pissed.



Lay Yoong. One of the many many prefects on our class. And while I was always bumping into her in NUS, she never did once recognise me. Lol. She's in Mec. Engine! We promised to keep in touch.



Games at Settlers'. We initially wanted to meet at Cineleisure, but some stalker of Juliet's found out, and we decided to change the venue. Haha. And we were saying that Charmaine was the PI (since she knew what was happening with the other people from our class) and Hao Yi was the stalker (since he knew much more about SOME people). Perfect match. And They're still the two brainy ones, no doubt about it.

Thanks to all who attended yesterday's gathering - Juliet, Lay Yoong, Charmaine, Lishi, Karryn, Hao Yi, Jeremy, Hua Xiong.

More photos coming up, after Lishi uploads them on FB.

Kayven + Christmas

Haha. Kayven is NOT my new fling.
*ROFL*
He's Derrick's little newborn! Congratulations on your lovely Christmas boy! The family's proud of you! We got so excited, we rushed down to the hospital in the afternoon. They couldn't let the baby out of the nursery within 6 hours of birth, but the nurse was kind enough to push Kayven to the side of the nursery window so that we could take a look at my baby nephew. And he's gorgeous, I'd tell you. He's going to be a tall and suave boy when he grows up. And to watch the little bundles of joy fidgeting in their warmers from the nursery window lights a comforting warmth within me. To watch Kayven pry open his own eyes sleepily and yawn big, comforting yawns made me smile. It's the vulnerability of life which makes me treasure every single person in my life, however frequently they appear in my life.


Woke up with a horrid horrid hangover-ish headache and nausea. I swear, I won't touch more than half a cup of that wine again. It effectively killed my Christmas appetite, and for the entire day I felt like emptying my innards to accommodate that bloat in my gut. *sigh*

It's more of missing the hubby.

And I don't like the idea of going out.

Back to where we were

I can only smile to myself and count my lucky stars.
Merry Christmas Eve to everyone.

Cam-whoring. Please clear up after vomitting.


Killing time...


I'm never ordering this again, because they took out my favourite shitake!


The hubby's favourite - Rainbow Roll


Hubby's ... not very cooperative. Haha.


Yayaya... we're always here.


And what else but to have your hand to bring me right to my doorstep.

(Photos from my Nokia 6220. Simple editing done.)

Was wine-shopping with the hubby, since we both need something nice to go with Christmas dinner. Had my first experience with Moscato, because I've always been sticking to Merlot and Shiraz for family dinners. It's a fresh change, because it's not as fruity as Wild Vines, and lower in alcohol content than Choya. Plus it's got a very light, sweet aftertaste. Yum.

Dad force-fed me his pan-fried salmon. *Gag* Threw down some white wine to get rid of the lingering stench of the fish (I'm still at it). If there's one guilty pleasure this festive season, it's got to be alcohol. I've not been drinking much owing to the exams and late night project-rushing, plus I hate the fact that the alcohol hits my blood vessels and drives my blood into my head at lightning speed. So I wasn't blushing if you saw me all red-faced just now; Hubby and I had some Japanese rice wine during dinner.

And just one year ago, I had the exact same meal (dinner) at the same place (Vivo) with the same person (Jack). One year later, history repeats itself, except the differing fact that I have my hand in his this time round.

Big laughs

I loved the way the chlorinated pool water lashed across my back while I fought my way across the pool. It's been a while since I last swam (maybe half a year ago?), and I swear my lungs took a beating. Thanks to Jane's coercion/persuasion/encouragement, we covered 20 laps in under an hour. Marvellous way to start the day off.

And HongYing's off to China to reunite with Ben!!! *Gushes* Can you believe that I was more excited than she was just a few weeks ago? Perhaps it's just me who likes to see people get together, not go their separate ways. It gets to me when I see close friends break up with their partners, because if there's a possibility of breaking up, why get together in the first place? Just to break up? I was analysing this loosely with Fay yesterday while shopping, and I came up with this nonsensical theory.

兩個人在一起，是爲了分手。
(The reason for two people to get together is to break up.)
兩個人分手，是爲了和別人在一起。
(The reason for breaking up is to be with someone else.)
兩個人在一起，是爲了讓其中一方有機會劈腿。
(The reason for two people to get together, is for one party to have the opportunity to cheat on the other.)
一方劈腿，是爲了分手。
(The reson for cheating on someone is to break up with them.)

分手，是因爲厭倦了。
(The reason for breaking up, is because you're sick and tired of it all.)



I swear I was laughing for longest time when I concocting this crappy theory.


And results were out today. I'm still feeling a little sore over that particular module, and I attributed it TOTALLY to the fact that my absurd behaviour towards my tutor had cost me a decent grade. Apart from that, the other grades were very much anticipated. I've gone beyond moping over my results and being calculative over the minute improvement in my CAP; I'm aiming for much higher goals next semester, and I know I'll be able to do it because I'm so very blessed to have the hugs and kisses from Jack. The darling did extremely well this semester, and I'm so proud of him. And not to mention that we did well because we played our part in our own studies, and not receiving unrequitted help from others. Then I'd rather not score well at all.
Because it's not your own effort.

Say hello

Say hello to the new family member.

My latest darling, the Nokia 6220, is a papparazzi's best friend, armed with a lethal 5-megapixel cam with Carl Zeiss len and flash. Haha. The best Christmas present from my dad. Time to get snoopy....


Yesterday night had been unbearably lonely, and I had to carry out the usual procedure of throwing my emotions from the top of Mount Everest and then trudging to the foot to pick up the broken pieces and glue them together with my darling's comforting over the phone. It's going to be another 4 miserable days this time without my darling around, but I'll learn to manage. I still have to remind myself that without my Super Sunshine around, I'm still my own Superwoman, nevertheless. I shall survive all my emotional crashes and emerge unscathed. Because I know you wouldn't want a scratch on me.

Trickery

I freaking got tricked.

The freaking family dinner is tomorrow.

To think I rushed home from retail therapy just to find that out. To think I felt so resigned to fate. Damn it.

I think I felt worse than I did so yesterday.

Because I'm stuck at home tonight with someone I'm totally abhorrent of.

Because I could have been with Jack in the afternoon and the gurlies for dinner instead of being stuck at home with someone I'm totally abhorrent of.

Because I'm stuck at home.

Fuck.

Realization...

That I can't make myself stay happy for more than 24 hours. My mood will just flop a few hours after being happy/comforted/ cheered up. I need my happy elixir within an arm's length at all times, be it the gurlies or Jack. I realised that I banked alot of my happiness on being with them instead of being with my family, and I don't feel exactly guilty about it. So whenever it's the end of the day and we've got to part ways, the sense of being directionless and emptiness would engulf me, and everything will be back to square one. I had asked Jack to take me away from all the unhappiness that I'm facing, but he deems it to be unfair to my parents. Perhaps it would only fair to take me away and relieve me of all this pain which hits me whenever I reach home. And I foresee that all this anger will just continue to sow its evil seeds across my emotional lot, and suck me into the spiral of anger. And I'm allowing myself to sink deeper, amidst all the positiveness I've been rattling on about in the past. I guess people change, only in my case it did for the worse.

And tonight, I'd have to bluff myself to sleep.
That I'm not upset that you had your way with that excuse.
That I didn't mind that insane girl brushing her hand across your arm.
That I didn't mind waiting at the bus stop at 11.49pm.
That I didn't want to help with the kitten.
That I didn't mind getting a lecture from my uncle.
That I didn't mind the sky raining on me after washing the car.
That I want to wake up early in the morning and torture myself to death on the running track.
That I'm absolutely happy after Jack's comforting.
That the results are not worrying me.
That my mum is right.
That I'm looking forward to the family dinner tomorrow.
That I won't mind not going out tomorrow.
That I won't mind not meeting Jack for 4 days.
That I won't cry myself to sleep tonight.

Just another nail

It's 6 days to Christmas and nothing much has been going my way.

My attempt to wash the car was a perilous one. I got into the car, switched on the engine, and realised the brakes have been locked. Hello?! Which smart alec asked YOU to lock the brakes? And just because YOU do it doesn't mean that everyone in your extended family has to comply with YOUR habit right? And just because you're filthy rich doesn't give you the right to exercise your money on the car. It's OUR family's car, not yours. If you think that goddammit amount of money can buy you the right to give ME instructions, you're so goddammit wrong. And I totally don't feel like seeing you tomorrow. NOT AT ALL. And I will NOT follow your instructions.

And this was the perfect test of selfishness. I think I've said enough. I just HATE IT when you said, "I don't like it" in a nonchalent, get-that-thing-out-of-my-face tone. You make me sound like the 3-year-old with the sudden bloodrush. Which I'm clearly NOT. And I'll never be like you. Because I don't wanna be like you. Because being like you is clearly sickening. And I don't feel like going home today.

Misfitting the past

I finally finished the shift from diaryland to blogspot in the morning. I'm no mean SoC student, so shifting 667 entries manually wasn't an easy task. But everything's prim and neat, without the flashy blogskins and pointers and whatnot. So welcome to my new home.

I knew the Twilight phenomenon was getting out of hand when I dropped by the library and found out from the catalogue search that EVERY SINGLE book of the Twilight series in ALL the libraries in Singapore has been loaned out. The most exaggerating fact? That EVERY SINGLE COPY of the Twilight series has been snapped up by thirsty readers. And with the sequel New Moon slated for a 2010 theatre release, I think the bookstores can place order for the Twilight series without worries. I anticipate Twilight's waves to ripple much further than those of Harry Potter, simply because of the fact that the Twilight series mesmorise readers with the mere fact that it's a matter of life and death, literally. What would you do if your lover could live forever and looks as gorgeous as he was a century ago, and you're the one who's aging and sprouting wrinkles and freckles? Would you give everything to live with your undead loved one?
Anyway to those who want to get their hands on more vampire action, you can check out Anne Rice. There's a reason why she's dubbed the best author of vampire novels.

Dinner with Jack, and I brought him to the place of all the joy and pain. West Coast Plaza (the former Ginza Plaza) was home to many memories, and the revamp was thorough enough to dilute much of the pain. I realised that I became much stronger when it came to facing my past and kicking it in the face. I know I would do anything to dissociate myself from the horrid past I had. And I had the courage, finally, to face up to it all. Plenty of hugs to top it off with, and I'll be back here to overthrow the irony of it all on Christmas Eve.



And I don't know what to do to score better next semester.

Occupying myself

It feels good to be able to go out into the crowd and feel some of the vibes, despite the long-lived rain which has been falling since morning. The initial idea to bring Mum out for lunch was killed off by the lady herself, who was recuperating from an 8-hour shopping trip yesterday. Oh well. all the better.

And all I could do after Jack finished installing his desktop was to gape in awe. The 22-inch screen made my computer screen look like some undergrown vegetable. The LCD display was beautiful as well, with vibrant colours leaping at you with every click. And the price was definitely justified. *Envious* And I could still recall him helping me choose a monitor just 11 months ago at Sim Lim, AND helping me to lug it to the MRT station. Haha. How time changes alot of things, like it changed the two of us. For the better, of course.

Despite all my whining for the past 3 days, it didn't quite pay off. Screen version of Twilight was a myriad of messy pictures and sound put together. It looked like a total disaster piece next to it's inked sibling, with the broken plots and abrupt ending (as what Jack said). But of course you have to give the director and cast credit for attempting to condense a 2-inch thick novel into a movel, and getting most of it right. Apart from Edward (who managed to hold my attention for the first half of the film), Carlisle Cullen (Edward's foster father) was the head-turner with his striking good looks and Grease hairstyle. He looked absolutely stunning. Oh, and the piano-playing part was real. Suppose no one knows that Robert Pattinson's trained in classical piano. Bella's character didn't come out right as well, with her looking more confused than confident in front of Edward most of the time. Hello?! I thought Bella was supposed to be strong, independent, plus no aversion towards Edward? Apart from that, the rest was a disaster. I was thankful Jack was there, so I could distract myself at some parts of the movie.

Stop me

Friday was considered well-spent, considering the fact that other people would have been bed-ridden from those horrid cramps. I did hoops, which was surprisingly good for the cramps. And I'm almost done with my second reading of Twilight. The story's incredibly intriguing, and it draws the reader in with fresh details that pop out of the pages with every read. Just a pity I've got a feeling the movie isn't going to be as good. Print-to-screen stuff never really sound as good as they are on screen than in ink. Perhaps it was a good thing that none of the other books are slated for the silver screen. I don't want my favourite books to become box office disasters.

There could be a couple of things I can do tomorrow.

1. Wash the car if the weather's good.
2. Do up my Christmas list.
3. Fill in my new 2009 planner for the new semester.
4. Go shopping with Mum and sis (last resort).
5. Finish reading Twilight for the second time.
6. Do hoops.
7. Change the guitar strings.
8. Clean up my table for real this time.

Anything to keep my mind from whizzing off in your direction. But I wouldn't be so sure if I can keep myself sane for however long till I'll next see you.

To love and what makes it

Before anything else, I just wanna say a huge thank you to Prof. Cheng from KK Hospital for keeping my darling healthy and kicking all these years, so that I have that especially warm hand to hold onto whenever I need them. No words can express my heartfelt gratitude.

Mahjong with the girls just now. Still not much luck, though it wasn't as bad as it used to be. (You should ask them. I used to lose all my chips by the end of 2 full rounds.) And I regrettably stuffed myself full for dinner. Yuck.

Home, and terribly hooked onto Twilight. The literature is a lighter dosage of vampires and romance as compared to Anne Rice, so it probably appeals alot to the younger reader as compared to Rice. Rice's works are more psychological, abstract, and contains much more intriguing vampiric romance, which makes it more difficult to stomach if you're a newbie to vampire novels. *Sigh* I remembered how I had hungrily devoured half the book within 3 hours amidst studying for 2220 last week. *sigh* I miss Anne Rice novels. *sigh* I think it's time for me to hit the library.

End of exams celebration

Semester 1 2008/09 has finally drawn to a close on Friday, with the NM2220 paper. I bet the 2220 paper caught everyone by surprise, because we have always been so accustomed submitting our assignments on IVLE. Writing on paper was fresh, at least for me. Thank God I finished the paper on the dot. No regrets.

And the tada surprise - Jack took half a day off to accompany me after my paper, and just take a break from work. Despite several hiccups (I'm so sorry), the day went lovingly well. And what better way to unwind than to scream those troubles out at kbox? Just a small rant - I'm totally feeling the price hike. Hello?! Don't tell me the kbox boss bought Lehman brother shares? I was totally horrified by the teatime set they served – soft-boiled eggs with eggshell fragments, soy sauce bottles with caps that fall off when you try to flavour your eggs… Okay I’m just another dissatisfied and grouchy customer. Oh, and did I tell you about our new little boy?

He’s totally adorable, and gets along well with my other little boy. Thanks to Jack – I thought I was the one who made him swear not to buy me stuffed toys.

Vivo on a wet Friday night wasn’t as bad as we thought it out to be. I was fairly disappointed when it started raining halfway through the bus trip, but it turns out the rain gave us endless ways of capturing the night scenery.

And what more can I say but to thank the special one who made all these happen.

Please let it be over soon

It's good to be able to sleep in, especially when I'm deluding myself from the fact I STILL HAVE A FRICKING PAPER TOMORROW. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse in disguise, because arranging my timetable gave me ample time inbetween the papers to study/ take a break, but on the other hand it just takes the OMPF out of the whole exam fervour. Perfect way to break the cycle. But I really wanna do well in 2220, since my CA results have been good, so I hope that this might be the optimal time to aim for an A. But look at the way I'm studying, with that 'drag-drag-drag, procrastinate, doze off, float off, Facebook' behaviour, I don't know if it's already out of reach.

Oh, and did I mention that our NUS students were actually free enough (maybe those lucky arses have finished their papers last week) to submit letters to the Straits Times online to debate over the meritocratic education system?

Exams: And producing useful graduates for society

Haha. Oh well.

And we have a wholesome bunch of adults stabbing each other in a verbal war on the ST Forum. Brilliant.

thagee38 wrote:
I don't really understand the fuss being made about the education system here.I come from a country where money =education.you don't need to have good grades in your A levels, but can still study to be a doctor, an engineer etc by paying substantial sums of money to the "Private colleges"There are so many "Private colleges " mushrooming in the whole country.Therefore mediocre doctors and engineers graduate year after year resulting in a substandard service standards.Students with real talents in sports as well as studies but with no money are never recogonised .
Conversely in Singapore,if you are a good student or have an inert talent in sports, you can get into the school of your choice and if you cannot afford the fees it comes highly subsidised. So please stop lamenting and instill in your children the love for learning and hard work, so they can acheive their goals and dreams.

some_cynic wrote:
#4:
"I don't really understand the fuss being made about the education system here."
Of course you cannot even grasp the fuss generated because you are NOT a born and bred aka NATIVE SINGAPOREAN. Duh. Similarly, I would never understand the mindset of the people of the country whence you come.

"So please stop lamenting and instill in your children the love for learning and hard work"
You still don't get it don't you, that the EDUCATION SYSTEM here does not allow the parents to instill THE LOVE OF LEARNING?? I find statements like these made by you and your fellow clueless guests of Singapore nothing but pure hubris and a waste of precious space. Not to mention, a tad rich. So, please go do something more worthwhile than making statements which you have no inkling of whatsoever.

some_cynic wrote:
"if you are a good student or have an inert talent in sports, you can get into the school of your choice"
Hah? This is something new to me, thagee38. Talent in sports can get ME into the school of my choice?

Where did you hear that from? Something that plucked from the air? Or are you referring to the Singapore Sports School? For the sake of clarification, Singapore Sports School is not subsidised. OK? Get your facts right before you make such statements that make Singaporeans' blood boil. Just so typical of you guests.

Okay I admit this guy was waaay beyond rude to treat a foreigner like this but, hey, he’s preaching the stuff we all current students are lamenting. Don’t deny, especially if you’re a student. Don’t tell me you ENJOY school curriculum, you ENJOY tests and examinations, you ENJOY homework, you ENJOY spot-quizzes, you ENJOY essays, you ENJOY rushing for projects, you ENJOY library camps, you ENJOY skipping meals to complete your work, you ENJOY mugging like mad for your papers which take up 30 per cent of your entire module mark and, more importantly, you ENJOY tuition. If you ENJOY all the above, then well and fine by me. But I didn’t.

And how I wish I could print this forum letter out and spam all those parents from my tuition centre, who dump their kids at us and expect us to groom them from F to A*. People can get SO unrealistic sometimes.

Tuition may help, but academic success is really down to the student

Good luck to all those taking NM2220 tomorrow!

Countdown 4 days to freedom

I know, my body's beckoning to me to hit the sack, after a full day of lone-ranger mugging and tuition. The lethargy is hitting harder than before, especially when, at this moment in time, less than 48 hours to my 2219 paper, I'm still 1/3 through my final revision. And I even doubt I can remember the stuff I studied today. All thanks to skipping lectures. No excuse for lousy lecturers and dry topics. I'm so screwed. What else is there to do except to press on and look totally forward to Friday.
Wait.
I still have 2220 to revise. And WHO THE HELL decided that copyright should sit in 3 of my modules? I'm supposed to learn about new media, not law. It just rubs salt into my wound, because I'm totally hopeless when it comes to political science (like my PS1101E results hollered to me), not to mention law. How intimidating, those three letters. Anyway, I'm just working towards letting my CA efforts go down the drain, considering I was hopelessly lucky in my scores for my 2220 assignments. Karma, they say.

And the hubby's first day of work... didn't turn out too well. Just watch out for his toe the next time you walk past him. I'll hit a sledgehammer over the temple of those who decide to trample on them.

Oh. And tuition. Don't mention.
I'd rather bleed to death.