Over-sensitive bitch... I hate myself

Okay, so I was wrong. Very wrong. Or you can say that I was being very sensitive. But I guess it's all because I care. Haha… Someone must be thinking I ge si… haha… Whatever. Okay, so case closed. Anyway, had parade today and took the Sec. 1s for drills. Swear I could have erupted into fits on the spot and die of a cardiac arrest. Their drills are atrocious. Not because Yuhui didn't teach them properly, but because they just don't seem to possess the right attitude. Swear the next time I take them, they're going to … ya noe… Haiz…

Great... He's really avoiding me

He's really avoiding me. Wtf. I dun know how long is this going to last, but I'm sure the days ahead are going to be hard to pass. Damn. What in the world did I do? Or… dun tell me he knows… omg… I dun wish for it to happen, but if he's going to react in the same way as Yu An if he finds out, then I really overlooked him. I dunno… And I dun wanna know. And if he does treat me as a basic friend, why doesn't he even say hi? The longest time which we didn't communicate was 4 days, and this time we broke the record. Ha… I can only laugh and cry.

Today was probably the most stable day in my entire lie. 1.I did the a-math paper without difficulty. 2.I didn't fall asleep during maths. 3.I handed in all the homework I'm supposed to hand in this week. 4.I did whatever I think I should do. Still, I feel terrible. And I guess the reason is obvious. Is it because I didn't talk to him? is it because he's angry with me because of something? is it because I'm too sensitive? is it because he already knows and is avoiding me? . . . . . . . . .

Note: NCC people really need to take their cadets in hand. One NCC girl was apparently annoying the people around her on the bus because she was speaking so loudly and openly about her classmate's crush. What a bitch.

He's avoiding me

Next time, someone remind me not to use white for any of my fonts in here, cuz when i use a white background i see nothing. Thanks.

Something's wrong. something's very wrong. He ain't talking to me for the past few days. Or rather, he's avoiding me. Why? i don't wish to know cuz i know it may hurt me. And i've decided that whether he knows it or not, it doesn't really matter now. it's been 1 year and 12 days, so tell me whether i'm numbed already...

shaun has been irritating me for the past few days instead. Damn... don't wanna say anymore.

Stress kills

Did my A-maths test without a calculator. I can now say sayonara to my marks. Haha... Had a haircut today and feeling so shit. Having terrible mental imbalance these few days. i can hardly control my speech and actions. Oh somebody pls save me... found someone with the same diary format as me so i've changed it.

Didn't really speak to him today, except for a few questions he asked. Dunno what is happening, and i guess nothing much will happen.

test test test test

Feeling real tired today... almost fell asleep during Maths an SS... Then got scolded by Mrs Wong during remedial... Haiz... sian... Then i was supposed to go to Popular to get stuff but somehow i landed at the market near my house to get a haircut. But ALL the salons were closed. Can you imagine that... I'm currently so very pissed... dunno... Keep getting mood swings these few days... Then just now i was meddling with the html of this page and almost spoilt the whole thing but lucky i had a backup on my PC so i copied it over... haiz... Totally bored to death... There's A Math test tomorrow, chinese oral exam on Wednesday, Chemistry test on Thursday, SS time practice on Saturday... What the shit...

It's been 1 year and 9 days already... Am i dumb or what... I can't ignore my feelings, and i can't kill of the sight of him in my head everyday. dunno what to do... Tong Loong agreed to shut his mouth on this matter, and i trust his cuz he's the vice-chairman after all. Feeling very muddled every time i think of this, but how can i stop myself? I dunno what to do, to say or not to say. Well, i guess it's all up to fate. And clara, you better stop talking so loudly about him in class can? If i lose him the first person i hum tum is you... hehe... just joking lah... But what if i really lost him? I dunno, but the previous time i lost someone i cried 3 nights... haha... then i realised that i cried for the wrong person...haha...

Chalet 15/3 - 17/3

Just came back from chalet. I wouldn't consider it as a class chalet although more than half the class was there, cuz we just didn’t have the mood for chalet. But since it was the last time we could ever have a chalet this year due to the O levels, we decided to make to with it. Besides we had a one night free from last year's chalet. Why not?

Day 1
Seriously, I wasn't keen on going for this chalet. But on the account of classmates, I decided to do so. We had Physics remedial in the late morning by Mrs Chang, before meeting at Clementi MRT at 2pm. Kah Teng's mum was kind enough to help us book the chalet, so thanks. We reached there, checked in, and found out that the room could house about 10 people at the most, but that night when everyone came, we had 20+ people. I almost laughed till my jaw drop. I guess he would regret it if he knew what we were going to do over the next 2 days. Then I dad came after majority of the people left, either for home or to (some memory missing). But he came at the wrong time cuz the girls (alana, clara, chun pin, jia ying, me; xiling was watching the good show by us) were having a "heated" quarrel with Zhi Rong and Eugene. he looked pretty shocked. haha. Then that night some of them cycled to Changi (for more details on where they went pls refer to them, but I know they encountered sex trade 'girls' and a haunted mansion.)

Day 2
Slept 7 hours on a comfortable bed. Xiling and I each took one draw bed cuz the most of them were either out cycling or playing PS overnight. After breakfast most of us sian diao cuz nothing to do. Then in the afternoon after Xiling left, the guys decided to go to Escape to play, so the gals were in the room. Then about 5 they came back. There weren't many people left now, only 5 gals and 8 guys. We started the quarrel again and this time it turned out being very physical, literally, fighting with pillows and blankets, and the occasional mattress. Though the gals were heavily outnumbered, only the guys suffered casualties, like a crooked pair of specs and ,a serious one, a torn toenail. Ouch.That night people left again and it was down to just 8. Then tong loong came and shaun left. Clara went for a Christian concert at Downtown East so it was down to Alana and I and the boys(Tong Loong, Kah Wee, Kah Teng, Sherman, Yu An. We decided to do something crazy, like smuggling people into Escape since they did not play their fill in the morning cuz they had to queue. At first cuz we didn't have the chop on our hands, but the person actually closed one eye. But it was late and many games had closed. But we did play a few. It was crazy cuz we just finished our dinner and we were playing stuff which threw us into the air, swirled us round and round and stuff which pissed us off(for more details refer to the guy there who tends the kiddy ferris wheel). After we did the superman thingy my dinner as just below my chin, and tong loong and kah wee were just feeling plain sick. After that we went to rent X box games cuz we had a X box in the room. But the games were plain boring… And the whole night guys were borrowing my freshly-charged hp to call their qing ren… haha… And the bad news is, 2 more people has known who he is… Damn…

Day 3
Woke up 7++. Tong Loong was complaing that Kah Wee was talking in his sleep and was mumbling "Cookies…" in his dream… Lolz… The guys played somemore X box before we cleared out at about 10am. Had BK and was talking to Clara on the MRT(for more details pls continue reading : P). Haha…

Loved the chalet… Haiz… so sian though… next time must look for chalet somewhere else, where bike-renting fees are lower and the people are friendlier. ByeZ I'm off to catch up on my sleep…

FDC 2004

Yesterday was the FDC. Pretty excited yesterday. Thought that all the CCAs did well. Of course, i was anticipating getting the GOH. But who took it? NCC. Big deal. Most of the CCAs (except NCC) thought that the main judge in yellow was biased, but if he was biased, he would have given most of the awards to the NPCC (cuz the judge is from NP HQ). This really showed that the NPCC did well. Congrats. I've got nothing to say about the Guides, maybe just that they didn't have enough practice and experience. No offence there, though. The big deal thing was that NCC won the GOH for the second time in a row, and the other uniformed groups are pretty anxious, cuz if the NCC wins again next year, they'll win the Challenge Trophy. And that's a VERY big deal. So here, I'm appealing to ALL uniformed groups (other than the NCC) to work hard to prove ourselves. Otherwise, i guess you know what happens when someone wins too many times. Haha... Then today during parade we watched the replayed footage of the FDC squad. And they looked better than ever... Every teacher who saw the footage was wondering why we didn't win. Lolz... Actually today most of us were quite low-morale, but then after watching the footage, we were feeling at the top of the world. And no amount of critisizes from anyone can dampen our spirits... SJAB rules... haha... Well, ANY uniformed group rules if their cadets are well-behaved, polite and unproud.

And hereby, I pledge that if SJAB wins the GOH next year, I'll join the OTC straightaway.

I knew I was the biggest loser from the start

Feeling ol' rotten... feel as if i've been rotting ever since the start of time... nothing's gonna change... I hate myself.

Today's officially the 1 year... 1 year of wait, 1 year of never-ending... Haiz... It's unfair lah... but why would God want to be fair to such an idiotic person like me? What a joke...