My groupmates will prolly stone me to death if they knew I was blogging amidst this mad-rush period. For the record, I have got one individual assignment due this Sunday, another due next Wednesday, group papers due this coming Thursday, next Thursday, and a website due in 2 weeks. I'm busier than Steve Jobs, I'd reckon. I bet that tech maestro doesn't sleep 3 to 4 hours a day, runs on caffeine, or reads research papers every day.
The ultimate victim? Time with Jack. I used to have him for 4 to 5 hours every school day last semester, a stark contrast from the maximum hour for lunch together this semester. Most people will lament that that's better than nothing, but I still ain't used to it. Sometimes I feel myself getting torn over spending time with him, and doing my assignments, and I hate myself for days for making either choice. Some things have, undeniably, changed because of the time we could afford with each other, but this episode is going to be one of those testing times in our relationship. We know none of us will let go; we'll just have to rough it out and attempt to stay sane. Every word, every hug and every kiss just meant more.
Though the kiss goodbyes are still unbearably painful.
I miss you.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Fragile
... as life is. Witnessing a minor accident along ECP and a major one along Jurong Town Hall Road while driving, and it set off those fear alarms within me. As a driver, I'm well aware of the dangers of negligent driving and the dire consequences. Fortunately, the only "accidents" I've ever had were with inanimate objects such as obtrusive kerbs. I promise to drive safely, for my family, my friends, and my loved one.
... as women can be. It was love that triggered the impulse to write that song. It was love that encouraged the song to be put into a melody. It was love on the part of the voice who chained the melody and the lovelorn lyrics. It was love that put the song on stage. And it was love that made those tears fall. *Sigh* I admit feeling the stuffy tears rising into my tear ducts when she broke down on stage at the mention of her loved one. The image of the slight falter in her voice, to that crack, to that tear that fell... ... all in the name of love.
... as my heartstrings are. Sis dragged a reluctant me to the Marina Mandarin while we were waiting for Mum's D&D to end, so we ended up standing on the 4th-floor corridor, leaning against the frosted barricades and listening to the lounge singer charm her audience with renditions of classic love songs and angelic piano accompaniment. While her voice was weak as compared to my expectations of lounge singers, those love ballads she belted out one after another were infallibly tugging hard at my heartstrings. And to add to the lovesickness, a pair of newly-weds came pacing towards me. Watching the bride lifting her gown carefully as she wrapped her other gloved hand around the groom's arm... The image and the music took its toll on me, and I had to divert my gaze to the ground so that Sis wouldn't see me cry.
I miss you. Happy 25 months.
... as women can be. It was love that triggered the impulse to write that song. It was love that encouraged the song to be put into a melody. It was love on the part of the voice who chained the melody and the lovelorn lyrics. It was love that put the song on stage. And it was love that made those tears fall. *Sigh* I admit feeling the stuffy tears rising into my tear ducts when she broke down on stage at the mention of her loved one. The image of the slight falter in her voice, to that crack, to that tear that fell... ... all in the name of love.
... as my heartstrings are. Sis dragged a reluctant me to the Marina Mandarin while we were waiting for Mum's D&D to end, so we ended up standing on the 4th-floor corridor, leaning against the frosted barricades and listening to the lounge singer charm her audience with renditions of classic love songs and angelic piano accompaniment. While her voice was weak as compared to my expectations of lounge singers, those love ballads she belted out one after another were infallibly tugging hard at my heartstrings. And to add to the lovesickness, a pair of newly-weds came pacing towards me. Watching the bride lifting her gown carefully as she wrapped her other gloved hand around the groom's arm... The image and the music took its toll on me, and I had to divert my gaze to the ground so that Sis wouldn't see me cry.
I miss you. Happy 25 months.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Assured
You know your efforts were worth it when you get really honest feedback from your group mates, and realised that you're being recognised for all the slogging. Mr. Chua (I feel bad about calling him that because he's supposed to have a Prof. designation but requested for us to call him Mr.) had collated the anonymous group feedback and generated an individual report for us. The results were priceless. :) To receive the thumbs-up from all my group members made my day. At least I know the sacrifices were worth it.
And talking to Christine after NM3220 focus group facilitation was equally rewarding; though we're leagues apart in terms of academic achievements, she felt that everyone in the group was giving an equal amount of effort to the project, unlike some other freeloaders she's met in her other modules. I think it isn't about throwing yourself entirely into the module; it's about negotiating a place in the group by contributing in reasonable amounts of which you feel justify that of the other group members. School may suck, but it made me age intellectually, in a good and mellow way.
Plans took a change for the good today, nevertheless. Just when I thought I'll have to live another day without you, time and distance just wasn't enough of a deterrence. To be able to have dinner with your parents, to window shop with my hand in yours and pacing behind your parents, is likened to a dream come true. No matter how many inner demons we'll have to fight before time will bind us forever, rest assured that I'll be there when you need the strength to resist.
And talking to Christine after NM3220 focus group facilitation was equally rewarding; though we're leagues apart in terms of academic achievements, she felt that everyone in the group was giving an equal amount of effort to the project, unlike some other freeloaders she's met in her other modules. I think it isn't about throwing yourself entirely into the module; it's about negotiating a place in the group by contributing in reasonable amounts of which you feel justify that of the other group members. School may suck, but it made me age intellectually, in a good and mellow way.
Plans took a change for the good today, nevertheless. Just when I thought I'll have to live another day without you, time and distance just wasn't enough of a deterrence. To be able to have dinner with your parents, to window shop with my hand in yours and pacing behind your parents, is likened to a dream come true. No matter how many inner demons we'll have to fight before time will bind us forever, rest assured that I'll be there when you need the strength to resist.
yay
Love is like a box of sickeningly sweet pralines; you know it's addictive and gets you all fidgety about your weight, but it's simply impossible to keep your fingers off. :)
We officially wrapped up MNO project filming today! Commuting to school on a drizzle-permanent day early in the morning sounds like nightmare, but to put a fullstop to something is worth the extra effort to wake up early in the morning. To be able to sink into the group dynamics not as the only girl in the group but as an equal was satisfying; the boys were always ready to listen and share, and there was little conflict in the group to bemoan. There was no leader, but we had worked seamlessly to push out this project within a considerably short period of time. And I'm so proud of this project, because of the effort I put into those late nights, overcoming my fear of public speaking to interview dozens of the public and those lengthy meetings. The last leg now is our presentation!
I can't even recall the last time we mugged like this together, nose-diving into each other's arms when we hit a brick wall trying to wrestle with assignments and indulging me with your warmth as we huddle close together. I miss you. I truly do.
We officially wrapped up MNO project filming today! Commuting to school on a drizzle-permanent day early in the morning sounds like nightmare, but to put a fullstop to something is worth the extra effort to wake up early in the morning. To be able to sink into the group dynamics not as the only girl in the group but as an equal was satisfying; the boys were always ready to listen and share, and there was little conflict in the group to bemoan. There was no leader, but we had worked seamlessly to push out this project within a considerably short period of time. And I'm so proud of this project, because of the effort I put into those late nights, overcoming my fear of public speaking to interview dozens of the public and those lengthy meetings. The last leg now is our presentation!
Love is like a decadent slice of raspberry cheesecake; pretty on the outside AND full of goodess on the inside. :)
I can't even recall the last time we mugged like this together, nose-diving into each other's arms when we hit a brick wall trying to wrestle with assignments and indulging me with your warmth as we huddle close together. I miss you. I truly do.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Rah 2
This insane person is contemplating to score badly for her writing assignment, simply because she doesn't want to be convinced that writing is the only thing she's good at. :(
I hate it.
What's the use of telling me that I write good leads and yada yada yada? How will it convince me further that writing is my forte?
I'm really tired. And if those guys are pulling a hat trick on me tomorrow, I'm going to kick their scrawny arses.
I hate it.
What's the use of telling me that I write good leads and yada yada yada? How will it convince me further that writing is my forte?
I'm really tired. And if those guys are pulling a hat trick on me tomorrow, I'm going to kick their scrawny arses.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Choose-day
I came across this while teaching tuition to my Primary 3 student. It appeared in a book of model compositions. Bad language asides (yes, some publishers are just that lax)...
As much as I would like to jab cheating a**holes with pitchforks on behalf of womankind, let's not allow the media to continue harping on this matter anymore. This might be bad defense, but humans err, misjudge, step on pins and crush their noses bloody. Yes, he's gotten the bad press treatment, the nosey reporter-stalkers and the finger-pointing but no, he doesn't need more salt in his wounds. You'd say he saw it coming; I'd say let's give him a break. We won't forget, but let's allow our benevolence to help this fallen fellow pick up the pieces again. As a husband, he might have failed to practise what he preached, but as a creative talent he should still be allowed the chance to shine.
Amazing experience, all thanks to my CNM lecturer Alfred who manage to snag a session with Mr. Peter Khoo, senior vice president of the English and Malay newspaper division. He offered us a comprehensive presentation on SPH from the economics perspective, including bombastic figures I wouldn't even dream about making in my entire lifetime. Make that 10. And SPH has been defending itself pretty well from the onslaught of new media and paradigm shifts, emerging as the 5th largest news media company in the world. The WORLD! No one thought of that, did we? The tour of the newsroom was an eye opener; everything I've read and heard about SPH came alive! Watching the editors huddling at the many meeting tables situated around the newsroom, walking by tables belonging to journalists I used to know only by the BY line, deciphering which beat each journalist covers simply by the items at their desks (including Batman figurines, limited-edition Jay Chou posters, fish tanks (!), photos with artists), and taking in the sight of it all. Amazing place to be. Question is: Am I supposed to find my place here? That's for time and tide to tell. :)
As much as I would like to jab cheating a**holes with pitchforks on behalf of womankind, let's not allow the media to continue harping on this matter anymore. This might be bad defense, but humans err, misjudge, step on pins and crush their noses bloody. Yes, he's gotten the bad press treatment, the nosey reporter-stalkers and the finger-pointing but no, he doesn't need more salt in his wounds. You'd say he saw it coming; I'd say let's give him a break. We won't forget, but let's allow our benevolence to help this fallen fellow pick up the pieces again. As a husband, he might have failed to practise what he preached, but as a creative talent he should still be allowed the chance to shine.
Visit to the News Room!
Amazing experience, all thanks to my CNM lecturer Alfred who manage to snag a session with Mr. Peter Khoo, senior vice president of the English and Malay newspaper division. He offered us a comprehensive presentation on SPH from the economics perspective, including bombastic figures I wouldn't even dream about making in my entire lifetime. Make that 10. And SPH has been defending itself pretty well from the onslaught of new media and paradigm shifts, emerging as the 5th largest news media company in the world. The WORLD! No one thought of that, did we? The tour of the newsroom was an eye opener; everything I've read and heard about SPH came alive! Watching the editors huddling at the many meeting tables situated around the newsroom, walking by tables belonging to journalists I used to know only by the BY line, deciphering which beat each journalist covers simply by the items at their desks (including Batman figurines, limited-edition Jay Chou posters, fish tanks (!), photos with artists), and taking in the sight of it all. Amazing place to be. Question is: Am I supposed to find my place here? That's for time and tide to tell. :)
Friday, March 12, 2010
This Gets Incredibly Fun
Julie has been a nice girl these days. She, somehow, manages to finish her assignments on time (a.k.a hours before deadline), goes for tuition on time, attends all her lectures, enjoys her tutorials and has quitted the job of infuriating her mother.
Haha.
Had a whale of a time doing street interviews with Madhav, Johanan and Edwin today, grabbing random people at the CBD area and asking them "So how are you feeling today?". While it was common to get rejected when the camera starts to record, there was a great sense of satisfaction from illiciting responses from people who didn't try to dodge when you approach them and were willing to speak their mind. We're in a society where free speech is allowed, so why are you so afraid of NUS students? Anyway I was telling the boys about the babes in the CBD - those shiny beauties zipping around with V8 and V10 engines and crooning their melodies to the envious stares of every passing man on the streets. Oh. And I did that crazy run-across-the-road thing again, but on the Porsche-infested roads this time. One beautiful Porsche outside UOB Plaza, one elusive R8 one football field away. Lurve. :)
:)
And for that 30 minutes, I'll climb those flights of stairs, brave the lunch crowd, dodge the mad traffic, and right into your comforting arms. For 30 minutes, if not all the time in the world.
I miss you.
Haha.
Had a whale of a time doing street interviews with Madhav, Johanan and Edwin today, grabbing random people at the CBD area and asking them "So how are you feeling today?". While it was common to get rejected when the camera starts to record, there was a great sense of satisfaction from illiciting responses from people who didn't try to dodge when you approach them and were willing to speak their mind. We're in a society where free speech is allowed, so why are you so afraid of NUS students? Anyway I was telling the boys about the babes in the CBD - those shiny beauties zipping around with V8 and V10 engines and crooning their melodies to the envious stares of every passing man on the streets. Oh. And I did that crazy run-across-the-road thing again, but on the Porsche-infested roads this time. One beautiful Porsche outside UOB Plaza, one elusive R8 one football field away. Lurve. :)
:)
And for that 30 minutes, I'll climb those flights of stairs, brave the lunch crowd, dodge the mad traffic, and right into your comforting arms. For 30 minutes, if not all the time in the world.
I miss you.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Gah 2..
Apparently some people couldn't differentiate deception and framing. And the discussion deviated to some story about some "you-told-me-there's-a-treasure-chest-in-the-cave-but-you-don't-tell-me-about-the-lion-in-it-and-when-you-don't tell-me-about-the-lion-you're-deceiving-me" thing. So the amazing NM senior of mine spent the next few minutes arguing with the freshman and explaining to him the difference. It's great to have seniors in class, because they're always capable of plucking NM theories out of thin air and weaving them into substantial arguments. Which is something I'm still incapable of performing coherently at times.
I'm thankful that I'm getting some time to the guitar these days; I need a great amount of recreation to get me by all the craze. And it helps that my sis joins all the strumming and singing; two unsound people are better than one sore thumb. Haha. And I love learning new songs and new chord alternatives that are much easier to switch around. :)
And it kind of sucks... when both of us are in school but we haven't got time to even meet. Which makes me look forward to life with you even more, because I may go bonkers if this routine was to go on for the next year or so. All the resolve in the world won't help by then.
I'm thankful that I'm getting some time to the guitar these days; I need a great amount of recreation to get me by all the craze. And it helps that my sis joins all the strumming and singing; two unsound people are better than one sore thumb. Haha. And I love learning new songs and new chord alternatives that are much easier to switch around. :)
And it kind of sucks... when both of us are in school but we haven't got time to even meet. Which makes me look forward to life with you even more, because I may go bonkers if this routine was to go on for the next year or so. All the resolve in the world won't help by then.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Falling on the wrong side
People are falling on the wrong side again.
The O', N' and A' Level results were released last Friday, and I've hearing the most interesting stories from my sister about several of her friends. One scored straight A's, and her parents are basically coercing her to try for Law or Medicine when she's interested in Engineering; another one with 2 A's and 2 B's is trying to rid her mum's perception of Architecture as a course with no job prospects. What are parents doing nowadays that are coherent and sound? Does studying in Science makes one a "Medicine school reject"? Does studying in Arts makes one a "Business school reject?" What makes you think that the other courses are "for students of lower aptitude"? Or is your child just a long-term investment? In what position are you to decide for your child? As a parent? Or as a tyrannic bundle of fallacies?
And more people are falling on the wrong side.
Diplomats getting into trouble (and it isn't just one). TV personalities getting into extra-marital affairs (and it isn't just one). Celebrity sex scandals (and it isn't just one). What exactly is examplar nowadays? The good guys or the bad guys? Or the guys who tell the lies?
The O', N' and A' Level results were released last Friday, and I've hearing the most interesting stories from my sister about several of her friends. One scored straight A's, and her parents are basically coercing her to try for Law or Medicine when she's interested in Engineering; another one with 2 A's and 2 B's is trying to rid her mum's perception of Architecture as a course with no job prospects. What are parents doing nowadays that are coherent and sound? Does studying in Science makes one a "Medicine school reject"? Does studying in Arts makes one a "Business school reject?" What makes you think that the other courses are "for students of lower aptitude"? Or is your child just a long-term investment? In what position are you to decide for your child? As a parent? Or as a tyrannic bundle of fallacies?
And more people are falling on the wrong side.
Diplomats getting into trouble (and it isn't just one). TV personalities getting into extra-marital affairs (and it isn't just one). Celebrity sex scandals (and it isn't just one). What exactly is examplar nowadays? The good guys or the bad guys? Or the guys who tell the lies?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Exhaustively merry
Happy Birthday to my beautiful friend and sister called Jane. :)
My toes are sore, the balls of my feet are throbbing with a stinging pain, and my back is aching like I just slept on a bed of pins. Hadn't I take heed of past shopping trips? Conquering Somerset @ 313 was a chore, considering the unusually heavy human traffic there today, plus the building itself was a 5-storey-3-basement engineering feat. Thanks to Jack-the-Boyfriend, I had a shopping companion who doesn't complain as much as I do while scouring the depths of the stores.
Dinner with the Birthday Girl! Apparently no girl likes adding numbers to her age, but we made it better with good food and company, minus the bad service from Say Cheese!. They were visibly short-handed, and HY couldn't help commenting that the service crew were more concerned with flirting with each other than serving us. Tsk, tsk. More will come up at my food blog when I'm done with my assignment. Anyway, we had great talk while waiting for the food, including conversations about graduation trips, honours possibilities, pairing up our Birthday Girl with eligible bachelors, etc... And it all is true, to my realisation, that we may no longer find the time to hang out as often in the future, when everyone's joined the workforce, gotten married, had children, etc. But we'll always make the effort, like what we did today, to catch up with one another, promise?
And it's been a great opportunity, to have the girls I love get along well with the boy I love, and watch the amazing interactions we had. :)
My toes are sore, the balls of my feet are throbbing with a stinging pain, and my back is aching like I just slept on a bed of pins. Hadn't I take heed of past shopping trips? Conquering Somerset @ 313 was a chore, considering the unusually heavy human traffic there today, plus the building itself was a 5-storey-3-basement engineering feat. Thanks to Jack-the-Boyfriend, I had a shopping companion who doesn't complain as much as I do while scouring the depths of the stores.
Dinner with the Birthday Girl! Apparently no girl likes adding numbers to her age, but we made it better with good food and company, minus the bad service from Say Cheese!. They were visibly short-handed, and HY couldn't help commenting that the service crew were more concerned with flirting with each other than serving us. Tsk, tsk. More will come up at my food blog when I'm done with my assignment. Anyway, we had great talk while waiting for the food, including conversations about graduation trips, honours possibilities, pairing up our Birthday Girl with eligible bachelors, etc... And it all is true, to my realisation, that we may no longer find the time to hang out as often in the future, when everyone's joined the workforce, gotten married, had children, etc. But we'll always make the effort, like what we did today, to catch up with one another, promise?
And it's been a great opportunity, to have the girls I love get along well with the boy I love, and watch the amazing interactions we had. :)
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Puzzling
I dreamt that I lost the diamonds on my ring.
I dreamt that I was being chased by savage women.
I dreamt that someone was singing in my head.
I think my brain runs on nuclear power, because it simply couldn't rest when I'm in desperate need of sleep. I've been told that this may be a sign of being overly lethargic. Probably, especially when my nights end in the wee hours of the morning, and my days start in the wee hours of the morning. The hustling and bustling around while racing against project deadlines feeds me an enormous amount of adrenaline, but the consequences are dire.
Like falling asleep the moment my butt hits the bus seat.
Like jolting awake during GEK lectures to realise that I've actually been sleeping all along.
Like waking with a start after dreaming about an overdue assignment.
One consolation was Shu Min's lecture today! So she had been in Japan these past years! Anyway today's lecture on gender fluidity and Okama had been insightful; I hadn't felt like this for the past few lectures, simply because the content was... dry. Then Shu Min popped up today and provided an all-new perspective to gender discourses in Japan and the difference between ascribed gender and social gender. The lecture brought Ikko-san in the picture; Ikko-san is a transgendered TV personality in Japan, where he/she hosts a primetime programme, teaching beauty and fashion tips to Japanese women. Even when he/she didn't find a space in the social puzzle to fit into, that wasn't a deterrence to carving a successful entertainment career in conservative Japan.
My ultimate rhetoric: why try to hard to fit in anyway? Why try so hard to blend into the woodwork? Isn't being human all about being unique and differentiated from one another?
I dreamt that I was being chased by savage women.
I dreamt that someone was singing in my head.
I think my brain runs on nuclear power, because it simply couldn't rest when I'm in desperate need of sleep. I've been told that this may be a sign of being overly lethargic. Probably, especially when my nights end in the wee hours of the morning, and my days start in the wee hours of the morning. The hustling and bustling around while racing against project deadlines feeds me an enormous amount of adrenaline, but the consequences are dire.
Like falling asleep the moment my butt hits the bus seat.
Like jolting awake during GEK lectures to realise that I've actually been sleeping all along.
Like waking with a start after dreaming about an overdue assignment.
One consolation was Shu Min's lecture today! So she had been in Japan these past years! Anyway today's lecture on gender fluidity and Okama had been insightful; I hadn't felt like this for the past few lectures, simply because the content was... dry. Then Shu Min popped up today and provided an all-new perspective to gender discourses in Japan and the difference between ascribed gender and social gender. The lecture brought Ikko-san in the picture; Ikko-san is a transgendered TV personality in Japan, where he/she hosts a primetime programme, teaching beauty and fashion tips to Japanese women. Even when he/she didn't find a space in the social puzzle to fit into, that wasn't a deterrence to carving a successful entertainment career in conservative Japan.
My ultimate rhetoric: why try to hard to fit in anyway? Why try so hard to blend into the woodwork? Isn't being human all about being unique and differentiated from one another?
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