Random

Just something that has been bugging me ever since the start of lecture today. I realised I don't have close friends (a.k.a clique-less) in my own major, and it kind of sucks to come to realisation that the 'friends' that I have made while taking major modules has, unfortunately, distanced themselves like I'm some plague. Am I that detestable? Or do I have the 'I'm not interested in talking to you so piss off' face? While I'm glad that I'm not sucked into the business of clique rivalry and bitch fights, I can't help but pity myself for being such a sucker when it comes to making friends.

So while I sat alone and waiting in the lecture, early and beaming with anticipation for the lecturer to start and end, I get the silent treatment and do-I-know-you stares from familiar faces and supposedly peers. And the person who started making small talk with me happened to be a stranger whom I've never had a chance to befriend over my 2 years of study in the course. Ironic. Seriously, I would have been perfectly happy with my life in CNM if it hadn't been for the fact that such people existed.

I envy those who have course mates who stick to them like glue, e.g. Jack and Gordon, because you know you'll never go wrong when someone's there to watch out for you during lessons. While I hated the rigid nature of course planning at their faculty, at least they had each other when it comes to clearing doubts and serving as half-time entertainment during lecture. Me? I spend the 5 minutes during break checking my handphone, scribbling on my notes and discreetly revisiting those faces who turn away when I spot them. Ya, like I'm Medusa.

Yes, Year 3 is going to be testing, academically and psychologically. And while I spend some time disentangling myself from the troubled web of mangled pseudo-friendships, life is still going to go on, and I'll still have to face those feature-less faces who have fought alongside of me just months ago.