Break away

Complaining endlessly to innocent bystanders of my tragedy isn't going to end this; my laments will simply get lost in all the clutter. And you know what? By hook or by crook, I'm breaking away from your apron strings.

I spent the past 20 years of my life trying to adapt to the role of the big sister in the family, and helming everything whenever Dad's busy with work. Do you have any idea how tiring it was? Do you have any ounce of recognition for that? No. When I screw up, you simply put me down. And when it's time for me to seek my own ideals, you ALWAYS have to be there to hinder me. I DON'T LIKE IT, that's what you always say. Does that mean that I have to do everything YOU like? This is not a Communist regime at home, you know.

You have no idea how afraid I was whenever I approached you for things; I always had my heart in my mouth, always willing to swallow my pride and cower with my tail between my legs when you turned me down with that harsh and cold demeanour of yours. You have NO IDEA. No idea when you retched those lectures out on me when I returned home late from studying in school. No idea, when my sisters were at fault and I got the lashing. No idea, still, when I was trying to hard to run the household and everyone else at home was apathetic. No idea, when your condemning expression burn through me everytime nothing I did went according to your wishes.

I told Jack, more than once, that I was going to do something out of this world before I turn 21 in 2 months' time. I was referring to this attempt I'm going to make to disengage myself from your tyranny. I did think about moving on-campus, or to somewhere else which would take the burden of pleasing you off my shoulders. Until I realised that doing so will break my dad's heart. That I don't want to hurt him the way you did; the words you said that always wronged him; the actions that told him that you didn't understand his misery one bit. And you're going to throw this on me as well, from the way you implied no to me. It was a simple analogy; You didn't trust me, you didn't trust Jack, you didn't trust Dad, and most of all, you don't trust yourself. And I'm going to end the misery on my part.

Yes. I mean it. So even if this is going to mean my life, I'm going to bet on it.