To Qing Rui, a brother and a friend

I raised a cup for Qing Rui. You'll be missed by all as a brother, a great friend, and a good leader. If this is the ending you wished for to halt the pain, then I hope you're happy where you are.

Loved and missed by all,
Qing Rui
(1988-2008)

I need to clear the fog from my glasses for a bit. I've been doing a fair bit of crying for the past few days, and I'm totally unbashed about it. The amount of emotional stress was too much to bear. But I'll push on, because I know those who love me wouldn't wish for me to be in this state of despair. I'll be strong, I promise to try.

And I wouldn't say I'm not worried. In fact, I'm so unconfident of myself that everytime I turn around, I worry that you might just walk away or get kidnapped by someone else. I'm probably mad, but I need to pour this out.

Happy 5th month

The walk home from the bus stop after bidding you goodbye sank this song into my head, and it's that this point of time that I just need to share the lyrics with the world. I live by them.

Who Needs the World

i stare at your face
into your eyes
outside there's so much passing us by
all of the sounds
all of the sights
over the earth and under the sky
too much cold and too much rain
too much heartache to explain

who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you

oh no no
i walk on the street
talk in the dark
i see peoples dreams just falling apart
i open my arms
tried to be true
seems like my only truth is you
am i wrong
or am i right
all i want is you tonight

who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you

who needs the stars so bright and the grass so green and the morning light
who needs the wind to blow and the tide to rise
who needs it...i don't know
i don't know
yeah

who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you
who needs the world when i got you
switch off the sun the stars and the moon
i have all i need inside of this room
who needs the world when i got you

Dating back to 2002, I've been looking for an owner to this song. And it looks like I'm finally giving this song away to the right person.

Listen to it here:
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/56622ht.htm

Another song from Nick that I just had to excavate from my dusty CD pile:

I Got You

people tell me you
stay where you belong
but all my life,
i've tried to prove them wrong
they say i'm looking for
something that can't be found
they say i'm missing out
my feet don't touch the ground

but there are moments
when you can't deny what's true
just an ordinary day
like when i met you
it's funny how life can take new meaning
when you came and changed
what i believed in
the world on the outside's trying
to pull me in
but they can't touch me
cause i got you...

i got you...oh yeah

i want to thank you
for all of the things you've done
but most for choosing me
to be the one
it's funny how life can take new meaning
when you came and changed
what i believe in
the world on the outside's trying
to pull me in
but they can't touch me
cause i got you...

and it hits me when i reach for you
that i'm afraid you won't be there
maybe i am in too deep
but i don't care...

i'm right where i belong
i got you
yeah, prove them wrong...
i've got you, yeah
can't deny what's true, no
they can't touch me, baby

i got you...
i got you...
right where i belong.oh yeah..
i've got you baby..
right where i belong..
can't deny what's true..
no they can't touch me,
cause i...got you

Listen to it here:
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/56623ht.htm

It's times like this when you dig out really ancient songs and realise that they actually mean something to the people you really love now. To think I actually gave these songs out to the wrong people in the past. But now, they're all in the right hands and heart. And it's because you're worth it all.

Who needs the world, when I've got you.

Not that thing again

Panadol Extra has failed on me. My cramps are probably immune to any kind of painkiller on the commercial market now.
*sigh*
And I only have my absurd craving for pineapple to blame. I downed half a bowl yesterday, and left my mouth all stingy and itchy. And I’m dying for some more pineapple. Oh man. I’m all screwed by this thing.

It’s the little princess’ second birthday celebration, and Derrick had to pamper his little girl with a 3-kg ice-cream cake from Swensen’s. Someone should go check out the price.

If this looks big...

Think again...


Anyway, it was a good time to catch up with my granddad and chat with him. I have learnt to treasure the time I have with my loved ones, especially after losing someone so dear last year. But I almost flipped when my aunt passed the comment, “So how’s your ‘Jack and Jill went up the hill?’”. I really wonder.
*sigh*
Oh, and the princess will be facing sibling rivalry in another 5 months’ time, when Derrick welcomes his second bundle of joy. Congrats!

Tuition kids were terrorizing today, especially when I might be taking over another class of rowdy monsters from 1 to 2.30pm. Ying was shaking her head when she saw what I was handling. And I finally came to the realization that I can never quell their nonsensical behaviour with sweets and chocolates. It’s time for tough measures. Maybe I’ll start with the cane.
*vicious laughter*

And I’ll have to say that whatever I heard today was the sweetest thing so far. It makes me want to squeeze your hand and reassure you so much that I’ll see plenty of us in the future.

Envious Friday

The person who invented the Throne Room should be castrated. It's the ultimately disgusting district in the game of Citadels. And Jack has to build it. I thought only Kevin Teh was big enough an egomaniac to build it.
*Sigh*
It's a feel-good Friday, with me pitting myself (in vain, as always) against Jack and Ning, after a hard day at work. And I had all the luck in the world to have someone pick me up from work at the end of the day. At least I don't have to make the journey home alone, plugged in to emo songs on my PSP. I'm still counting my lucky stars every time I get to see you.

And I got all the NM modules I wanted! For once, I didn't need to scramble to drop points before bidding closes. I'm still short of one module, so it's either a JS module or Science of Music. Seriously, I'm longing to go back to school. Not because I'm dying to go back to torturing myself with the mad curriculum, but one month of working has rendered me totally hopeless in interacting with those adults. I shall not continue with my rambling lest I start with my cursing and swearing again.

And watching these two people interact just makes me smile.

Workamaniac

I just got home, like, one hour ago. I lead a very sad working life, and I really hope that I wouldn't be this much of a workaholic when I become a full-fledged working adult. The arduous process of trying to endure the blasting air-conditioning, that son of a bitch lady boss sitting in that corner, the humungous pile of colourful files on my table, each nesting a little disaster in them. And that mad woman who occasionally throws glares at me just gets on my nerves. Who gives a damn if she earns a 5-figure paycheck and drives some posh car? She acts like a little kid, constantly hungry for attention with her booming voice and haughty struts. And her condescending attitude is such a put-off. Someone lend me a 50 cent coin to scratch her car with. And I just out-talked that troublesome guy from Marketing. He came in in the morning and started to order people around and demanded for his own backlog stuff to be cleared. So I just told him off in a nonchalent way that it's his problem that I can't generate the invoices. What a loser. I've seen so many faces in the adult world, I guess it's time to step out and curb all that bullying. Counting down 14 working days to the end of my misery.

And I had to start crying like a little kid while I was peeling the plaster off my cut. I guess it's just a mixture of emotions from tiredness, pain and the feeling of missing you.

Princess in a fairytale

If life with you in it is always that sweet, I'm going to turn diabetic soon.

Just as my nose was dripping like a broken tap and my nose was aching like someone just threw a brick against it, you had to pop up at my doorstep with herbal jelly and Beard Papa's for my supper-craving mum. I really don't like to repeat myself, but life with you in it is like living in a fairy tale story.

The sweetest thing next to what Jack did for me. When you see these two people bicker, you never know when it'll end. But I love them, because they still stay so much in love, after 21 years living together and enduring so much nonsense from each other. I love my parents, simply because they love each other.

Came home, saw the clothes hanging on the clothing rack, and scared the shit out of myself.

It's been a long time since Dad and I have done the dishes together. I know I'm the ultimate sloth at home, but when it comes to spending quality time with my family, I make use of every single minute wisely to show them I love them. So it's small wonder why I flared up when my sis said that I don't love her. It breaks my heart, because I love her and she treats it like prison torture.

And I finally understand why people suffer from Monday blues.

Concussing

I just found it a pity that more and more charities are going down the wrong path. I remembered how we pooled money to donate funds to this particular charity when Uncle Tao came down to help raise funds. The support we had for the programme and the beneficiary looked absolutely stupid now that this scam has been uncovered.
What a topsy-turvy world.

I finally had the time to sit down and have dinner at home, after an entire night of frenzy yesterday. The silence of the corridor with the occasional coughing of the copier machine was comforting enough to calm me down. And work doesn’t just end there. I walked into the office with a whole new hill of work waiting for me. That’s precisely why I’m counting down 16 working days to the last day of work. That makes me feel better. I never like to live any stretch of 2 days without you, and spend almost every night working overtime and neglecting my family.

Oh gosh.
I need to concuss.
I miss using that ‘stolen’ word.

30 hours

Okay I’ll see how much I can get out of my tired-out brain.

Time check: 2:33pm, 12 July 2008
I think Jack is pissed over me being fashionably late, as well as an accumulation of other factors. Picked up the milk he (supposedly) owed Jiahui at 7-Eleven, and off we are to her house at Upper Bukit Timah road~
(Aiyo, don’t be angry, ok?)

Time check: 3.18pm, 12 July 2008
So we’re standing outside Jiahui’s condominium, wondering which block is it. Jack looks like he’s going to blow his top, while the two of us made phone calls out to people who didn’t pick up their phone for 10 whole minutes. Does every bad thing have to happen consecutively? But finally someone picked up Raymond’s phone and, to my horror, it didn’t sound like Raymond. Did someone steal his phone?

Time check: 6.45pm, 12 July 2008
So apparently Yuanyi answered Raymond’s phone. Things look good here, with Geyaorians Kailing, Dan, Jiahui, Angeline, Yuanhong (we dubbed him Ah Lai), Vern, Yuanyi, Yuqing and us. And we have enough food here to feed a whole African town, and full band equipment to jam with. Ooooh look it’s time to set off for Gary’s concert~!

Time check: 12am, 13 July 2008
It’s one of those moments when all you want to do is to turn around and tell someone you love them. Gary’s message was very in-your-face; it all boils down to love. And it feels all the better with someone you love keeping their fingers laced in yours throughout the concert. And the first concert we watched as friends just kept haunting me throughout the concert, because the thought of being just friends is pure agony. I never want to be just friends, ever again. Thanks to Gary for this amazing night, and that C.H.A.W tattoo across your back. Oh, and of course, thanks to Kailing for her NFS-ish driving skills and blatant jokes which kept us entertained throughout the entire trip to and fro.

Time check: 9.15am, 13 July 2008
I’m still feeling thankful for everything; for the lovely air-conditioning, the company of fellow Geyaorians, a senior to chat with, and those countless warm hugs to keep the cold away. And the sweetest thing was to wake up feeling all warm and fuzzy. And thanks to Raymond for boiling water for me (my throat screwed so I had to keep off those sweet drinks and tap water); Jack and I both agree that Jiahui’s found the perfect guy for her. And the breakfast (half of it was left over from last night) had so much leftovers that we had to resort to opening poker cards and penalizing those who guessed wrongly with food. Sorry for making you eat all the penalties for me.

Time check: 8.36pm, 13 July 2008
30 hours, and I still miss you. And I miss Geyao.

The sweetest things

The look on Saito-san's face was priceless when I asked him if it was his birthday today in japanese. Then Tetsudawa-san came and was making fun of Catherine by speaking to her in a long string of japanese which I could not make head or tail of.
*Bleah*
I don't like to talk about work, because the mere thought of what I have piled up on my desk just worries me. But TGIF, and I'm dying to go casual. I'm totally sick of office wear.

And I owe NX a huge thanks and a hug for helping me to pick up those Gary Chaw concert tickets from Macpherson. I'd never have the time to go pick them up myself, nor the knowledge of proper directions to navigate around that area. So a huge thankies, and rest assured your PSP games will reach my hands smoothly.

Things to look forward to:
11/7 - Meeting my darling
11/7 - TGIF! Casual day!
11/7 - Meeting NX to pick up my Gary Chaw tickets!
12/7 - tuitioning my little darlings!
12/7 - Geyao sleepover!
12/7 - Gary Chaw concert!
12/7 - keeping myself glued to you for 24 hours

Life looks sweet after all.

Another amazing Saturday

Yes, I'm dreading work. The sole thought of stepping into the cold and miserable environment makes me cringe. It's not that the people there are ill-treating me or that I'm being deprived of meals and thrown into slavery; it's like revisiting something which you're supposed to be an expert at before realising that it's not what it had turned out to be.
*Sighs*
And it's back to facing those four walls and a mountain of things I'm still unfamiliar with tomorrow. It's small wonder why I'm counting down to the end of term break as I speak. The only upside to things is the pay and not needing to worry about the exorbitant prices of next term's textbooks. Plus I might be able to pool enough money for a short trip by the end of the year. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

It's back to Gordon's house for another round of board games and crazy jokes yesterday. The little toy poodle which was being housed temporarily at his house captivated me with its little-girl composure. And we get to see Gordon turning into a little kid when he's interacting with small animals, be it the poodle or his own pet tortoise. It's another 2 rounds or Puerto Rico, 1 round of Bang!, 1 round of Vegas showdown, 1 round of The Game of Life and 1 round or Cluedo. Jack brought along some pricey white wine and the 2 of us had to finish 3/4 of the entire bottle, since Gordon's not a fan of white wine (he added ice cubes to his wine! *Gasps*) and Gerlyn doesn't drink. As usual, I turned tomato-red after that, despite the fact that the alcohol doesn't really work on me. And the G couple did some fair share of bickering during the games, like what they always do. Jack and I would just stare at them and laugh.

Gordon popped the question,"So have the two of you quarrelled?". and Jack had to say,"No lah, but soon, soon.". To set the record straight, I have no intention of starting a quarrel with Mr.Jack, and I do not see the need to do so. I guess we picked up the correct habits for maintaining a strong relationship, which is to learn to apologise. So I do not foresee ourselves getting all fired up at each other, because the amount of self-reflection we do whenever something happens buffers all the possible amount of enmity.
So it's a NO to quarrels, as far as possible.

Well I managed to beat Gordon at Vegas Showdown, didn't do that bad for Puerto Rico, and thoroughly enjoyed myself together with the people I feel comfortable with. And the few minutes we had, just to laze on the seater with the dog resting between us, was priceless.

She will be loved

Work is hectic, as usual, and I've been working past my cut-off time everyday. Knocking off late seems to be the norm over there. And my eyes are popping out from their sockets, from too much staring at the computer screen. It doesn't help when I have a laptop and a 19-inch monitor. Oh man. Thank God it's Friday.

And thank God I've got you. That little envelope you had sneakily popped into my bag made my night. No more dreary nights, no more crying. My eyes are still damp, but you've given me the strength to resist those tears. Thanks for the confidence, thanks for the love.

Missing out

I don't really care if I'm already running late, but there's a bunch of stuff I'll really need to unload. Work has been hectic since it started 2 days ago, and I'm so looking forward to Saturday, even though there's still tuitioning the little prats. At least I get to face little prats, and not adults who love to side-glance you whenever you walk past along the corridor. And the emotional turmoil will continue to fluctuate until the moment I see you again. Like I said, itll be a trying period for us but, looking on the bright side, all this will end on the 11th of August. You can start counting down now.
I am.

Starting work at this company, right from the first day, has made me realise how much I miss Chia and Mary and Hamidi and co. at Chevron. Although the responsibility there is much greater and I'm always getting hollered at by customers every now and then, but the kind of chemistry we all had among us was magical. I wouldn't even want to compare.
*SIgh*

Okay I need to jump right out and hit the station.