Please, just tell me

The long chat I had with NX yesterday over MSN was flooded with emotions on my side. I've decided to take that 4-year-old out dead knot out of the cupboard to undo, but I'm still stuck. The situation's ambiguous, and no one dared to say anything all these years. I told nx about this invisible line which I'm currently treading on, and she asked me on which side of the line did I wish to stand. I seriously don't have the answer. Or to put it in a direct way, it's not up to me, but it's all in his hands. I've been trying to divert my attention away from this flower which refuses to bloom by admiring others, but this thorn will still continue to antagonise me unless I pull it out. I need a definite answer. At least, spare me of the suspense (it's taking too long) and break my heart just this once. Being the bad guy will lie in your hands, and I'm not asking for your pity or deliberately asking you to assume the figure of the villain. I've asked once, and I won't ask twice. We can still be friends, and I believe that a good friend won't want to see me hanging by a moment. It hurts me even more.