It all came back

Today made me realized that I’ve been running away all along. Running away from a past so ugly and discreditable. Running away from people I would never have the courage to look in the eye. I was appalled by my behavior; it was like hiding from a debtor. I suddenly became so hideous and was desperate for a hole for me to dive in and bury my head. But no matter how far I could run to evade this, it’s destined to haunt me all my life. This is the past I’ve been trying to escape.

It reminded me of the foolish tears I shed, the nights I couldn’t sleep well because of a heartache which had me succumbing to the intangible pain, the dumb stuff I write in my mind about how much I liked him. It was a lesson learnt, a painful one which left me scarred. It’s scary to acknowledge the fact that such simple infatuation had cost me much misery and breakdowns. I’ve learnt the painful facts the hard way, by falling down over and over again, and have the one I hold on to so hard trip me personally. From then on, I’ve decided to throw that all away and live on.

And it all came back to me today.