Fizz, boom, bang. What a letdown

College prom didn't really wow me. In fact, it seemed to me that these people had not seen each other for a century and were ultra-busy snapping photos with acquaintences. Even the 9-course dinner didn't seem too tantalising to them anymore. Yes, the venue was huge enough to fit in approximately 150 tables, but what's the use if everyone's all over the place except at their tables? The programme was boring, the MC was boring, the food was boring, the atmosphere just didn't seem to fit everyone in. Sorry, but not everyone's a camera whore, me included. I, instead, decided to plant my arse obediently on my chair and feasted my eyes on the guys, since I didn't intend to touch the food. Thank god I didn't spend a bomb on my stuff, or else I would have silently pinched myself. And the worst part was the post-prom party. No, I didn't attend it, for the simple fact that no one told me about it. Hello, even if I wasn't with the 'in' crowd, the entire college should be notified about this post-prom shity programme. Thinking about it, I'm even more pissed than I was two nights back. I'd rather be at home than to delve into the complexities of this bimbotic event.

7 hours to Grad Night

It's about 7 hours to Graduation Night, and I just completed my shopping 2 hours ago. Yes, I made a mad dash for my neighbourhood cosmetics store to get some last-minute supplies. How convenient. Plus I'm trying to cut cost (I'm basically broke)by borrowing my Mum's accessories. Man, that woman's something. She's basically my make-up cum clothing cum shoe consultant. Kudos to my Superwoman.

I'm basically opting for something really basic and simple, because I don't intend to hang out with those fashion whores nor do I wish to be the centre-piece today. It's just plainly for the sake of being together with the friends I've made over these 2 years and cherishing this congregation.

FusSball drives me nuts

It's an über heart-breaking day... (P.S: This entire entry's about me moaning about soccer so if you aren't exactly a fan then you shall be spared.) The Bavarians lost to Aachen!!! Argh! I had this ominous feeling early in the morning, and I just knew this would hit them just before Christmas. Perhaps they had all been naughty boys this year.

Poldi's finally back on the field (yay!), but his single goal can't salvage the damage done by Aachen. And who the hell set Rensing loose to guard the goal? That's the maddest decision any manager can make. Bring King Kahn BACK!!! Looks like silverware's lost its affinity with Bayern. I'm going to cry.

Raining and running

I was opening, and closing, and opening the windows again and again yesterday. If I kept them closed, I'd probably have suffocated and turned purple in the face. If I'd kept them open, I'd be surfing like those dudes on Baywatch. Yes, the torrential rain was coming down so hard, I put off the idea of paying the Adidas outlet at Raffles City a visit. I succumb to the elements easily, I guess. Couldn't help but throw on my running shoes and hit the tarmac this morning, but it wasn't easy running on the slippery ground with all my shelled friends (a.k.a snails) all over the place. Yikes, especially when you take an exceptionally huge step and "Crunch". Yikes.

My sister made a huge joke out of this whole raining thing. "Jie, it's raining because Rain's coming!" Sure, whatever.

Gurlies' chalet!

Four girls + 3D-2N Chalet + TV + alcohol = a whole lot of madness

Boy, I just brought Math to a whole new level. None of my past chalet experiences can ever be on par with this one, I believe. It isn't just about being with your closey friends for a couple of days; it was of compromising, concern, madness, and a whole lot more of madness. I have a whole lot of respect for them, as well as our friendship, and hopefully, this is going to go far. Three cheers to a decade of company and fun.

Mentionable mentions:

Jane's moment of madness. Yes Jane, we've got the evidence, and you can't run. Muahahahahahaha...

The greatest sin of all: Ice-cream. Perhaps that wasn't the greatest. Spending 20 bucks on Ben and Jerry's would be, plus pigging out at 2 am.

BBQ time! I bet you guys out there wouldn't expect us gurlies to start our own fire! But hey, we booked our own pits, started our own fires, prepared our own food, cooked them all nice and edible and cleaned up! Plus we did all the above within 2 hours! Challengers please step up!

Mahjong madness! Yes, 4 gurlies with a mahjong set are ol' so lethal! And yes, I lost my chips AGAIN.

Alcohol. What can we say?!

Cute guys! Okay, I admit I was boy-watching.

Noisy neighbours. To our dear neighbours just next door, I apologize if we had too much noise to make on our side. We can't help it if 1. We're playing mahjong and I'm screaming my head off because someone else just won or if 2. we're watching Jacky Wu's variety shows. Besides, YOU were the ones playing mahjong at 12 midnight with your kids yelling their heads off in the background!

Pele vs. 'conservation'

I just saw it coming when Eighth Wonder's IR proposal was rejected and when Genting's Aquarium-themed entertainment park was accepted. Look, we're living in a realistic world; No matter how may people are starving to death or how many animal species are being shaved off the existence list, we're still hungry for the money. It's a huge shame, I guess, that the idea of a huge tank with a whale shark stranded in it is applauded and the Pele academy was put down. So now we know why 1. the whale shark is endangered and 2. Singapore's sports industry will never take off in another 100,000 years' time.

I was silently rooting for the Pele academy. It would definitely bring sporting talents in from all over the world in anticipation to this major project by one of soccer's legends and, hopefully, we would just stop emphasizing scholastic achievements and go ga-ga over sports. That, I foresaw, wasn't going to happen. Thus in Doha, I didn't see the need for a 6-8 gold yardstick. Where's the need for this make-or-break attempt to make our local sports scene sound so rosy when it's all a facade?

Oh, and speaking of animal conservation. Perhaps we're just too curious over certain things, such as a live whale shark and an aquarium full of traumatized sea creatures in full view. Wow, I grimaced. Yes, I'm a detractor of such 'efforts to conserve wildlife'. So shall we carry on with the conservation efforts?

Last-minute prom disasters

Ten disastrous things which can take place on Graduation Night:

1. Burn all your hair. Don't ever say "Nonsense, it wouldn't happen to me." I'm just warning you to keep that hair straightener away from your hair. Even the hair dryer could be the culprit. Looking on the brighter side, you could become Prom Queen with that 'new' hairdo, although it isn't very fashinable to go bald this season.

2. Rip your leggings/stockings and NOT know about it. Of course, until that hot guy you've been eying suddenly progresses towards you and whispers so forlornly into your ear, "Miss, I think you've just ripped your stocking." Ouch, and ouch.

3. Get drunk. Perhaps getting drunk's your way of freedom of expression, but swaggering unknowingly towards that hottie and proceeding to regurgitate your dinner onto his starched suit isn't going to score you brownie points.

4. Be a nosey parker. Yes, so the school jock ditched his bimbotic girlfriend for another bimbo. But what concern is that of yours? Remember, there's only the title for Prom Queen, not Gossip Queen. You could just become one of the faces on the 'Wanted' lists of these queen bees.

5. Get spotted walking around town in your prom suit. You could very well become a walking spectacle, especially if you got it all wrong from head to toe. Yes, it's near Christmas, but it doesn't give you reason to strut along Orchard like an enchanted Christmas tree. Instead, get yourself, by hook or by crook, from home to the prom venue in a subtle manner. You can then unleash yourself at the prom.

6. Match purple with green. Or yellow with purple. Even if you failed Art all the way from pre-school to college, you should very well have some basic common sense when it comes to colour combinations. When in doubt, seek professional advice (except those of your great-grandaunts or colour-blind uncles).

7. Turn up in the same outfit as the school belle or someone else. This is probably one of the things millions of girls are trying to avoid. If it's the same outfit as someone ordinary, it isn't so bad. But if the school's queen bee's decked out in the same dress as you're in, may God bless you. To avoid this, NEVER think that 'expensive is good'. Something unique and affordable probably wouldn't turn up at the same venue as yours, because everyone else's probably got something much more expensive and branded. Save your money, save your skin.

8. Zits. Argh, I hope this doesn't happen to me as well. But if you're really that unlucky or you simply were too lazy to wash your face every day, then that's a huge shame. Quick, make a mad dash for the concealer!

9. You got ditched by your date. If your date is making a beeline for the school belle just like the other guys, forget the heartless bastard. You could always survive Prom Night without a guy by your side! Grab your gurlies and hit the cocktail bar or try to chat up the bartender if you're really that desperate.

10. Losing your dress. Triple ouch. If that happens to me, I'd feign illness and give the event a miss. But if you really need to get to prom just to ogle at the school jocks, give your neighbourhood mall a miss. Instead, empty out your mum's wardrobe and start to mix and match. I mean, that's a last resort! Besides, you could find stuff which Mum has neglected for the past decade or two and turn it into a fashion statement at Prom. We're going retro, aren't we?

God, I'm mad to write all these, but after one day of fruitless prom shopping, I was just conjuring all these extreme situations to solve in case I actually need them.

This is not a game

Perhaps some of the things in this world are not destined to change. One of them would probably be my perspective of a durable and healthy friendship. I do not view friendships as changing weather; they're not as dispensable as we think. A friendship is a life-long commitment, just like a marriage, except for the latter's case it's mutual love between two people. In any other case, a friend's as important as a family member.

If a friend of mine were to do me wrong, a mental process of anger, disbelief and eventually forgiveness will take place naturally. But the crucial moment would be the period of forgiveness. It may begin with a storm, followed by a drought, and then sunshine prevails. But did it happen this time? I didn't even see a single sunbeam emerge from the looming clouds. This is the animosity between you and I. Perhaps one day, the winds would arrive and send away this gloom. Or will this gust bring torrential rain instead?

Sad to say, this path's full of mistakes and pitfalls, and it definitely took more than just two hands to clap. In the meantime, status quo probably shall remain. I'm not taking the extra step.

Working, and not working

My unbelievably-short stint at a local supermarket chain has just ended, and I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief. Relief? Yes, I'm relieved, even though I just fried my boss, lost my job and is currently without income to speak of. Trust me, this job is not for ordinary you and me.

It's a highly dangerous job, with hawk-eyed supervisors to dodge, bossy veterans to avoid and, last but not least, the occasional critical customer.

The working hours are simply unearthly. Who in the world stays glued to their counter, put on a 24-7 strained smile and holds their bladder until it's lunchtime? I can't, so I'm simply not staying.

The schedule boards amazed me the most, simply because of its element of surprise. Every day, you get your turn to pace up to the schedule board, run your finger down the list and DAMN- I've got the full shift from morning to midnight. The next moment, all the four and five lettered words emerges from my mouth. I'd rather work in the cemetery. At least midnight shift starts at midnight and ends at daybreak.

The customers- oh, those pesky, troublesome, irritable, impatient hairballs. They're the biggest contribution to my signature on the dotted line. Firstly, as a customer patronizing a supermart, you HAVE to HAVE the BASIC COMMON SENSE to know that the people packing your grocery into bags, smiling at you and asking for payment are NOT machines. They don't work at the rate which Superman does, but at least we're helping you to check out your stuff. So don't act like a 3-year-old toddler and start to moan while waiting for the line. Since you're complaining, you must be either 1. much faster and more accurate than the lousy machines and our brains or 2. you simply have to pee. So why don't you come over to us, pat us on the shoulder and take over the job? YOU bag the groceries, YOU charge yourselves and YOU smile to yourselves and say 'Thank you very much please come again'!

On the other hand, I'm just going to put a portion of the blame on myself for 1. choosing this job and 2. not being resilient enough. I just need a break. Or two. Make it three.

I need a reality check

This is it. I'll have to start work tomorrow. I have this really ominous feeling about working, probably because I haven't gotten a single foot into the adult world of working yet, so I'll have to take that virgin step tomorrow. Sounds creepy, if you ask me.

I have a feeling I'm going to develop a musky love-hate relationship with my job, because retail is not really one of my professions, yet on the other hand, I'm already dying to reach out and grab that miserable payout. I'm desperate, I admit. I still have a monstrous shopping diet to feed, ya know.

So if you ever happen to see me at work, do pop by and say hi, and I'll be more than happy to help you.

Anyway, a humongous apology to all those who have asked me out for meals. Firstly, I'm totally broke, so much to the extent that I've settled for a lousy job just for that few miserable bucks. Secondly, I'll have to work till 1 in the morning on some days, so I'll most probably be squashed dry of my strength and thirst for shopping and partying. This is how much I'm willing to sacrifice to keep myself out of boredom and into working life.

I'm angry, angry, angry, angry, angry

I'm super angry at this moment because:

1. I get screamed at the moment I got home. I wasn't anticipating such less-than-tepid treatment, especially when I'm already 18 and that shopaholic mum of mine is the one doing the yelling. My dad didn't even flinch.

2. I have a job now, but I'm hating it at the same time. Doesn't anyone realise that I've got to work before I can play? Where in the world am I going to get the money to enjoy my last few months of freedom before I lapse into another phase of mugging again? People are calling me up from all over the place for class gatherings, meals, karaoke sessions, etc. , but without the money in the picture, the entire scenario looks pretty bleak.

3. I'm really going to work my ass off. The moment the manager told me I'd have to work till 1am on weekends, a little regret did branch off me. But work is work, and work=money. No work=no money. More work=more money. My math did improve. So that gives my mum another reason to yell at me.

Exam-free, and still complaining

So much for being exam-free. I miss mugging like some of my friends, and the stacks of books and worksheets piling up on top of the shelf are literally screaming for attention. But looking on the brighter side, my table no longer looks like modern-day Manhattan, which is quite a blessing.

I need to keep my eyes open and my brain clear. I need some direction. I'm currently fumbling in emptiness, and there's no direction. Just totally bored off my socks. I need a job! I need a job before my ass starts to rot and my legs start to shrink.

As a chapter closes, another opens

My first entry after the A Levels is supposed to sound intelligent, but I'm suddenly at a loss as to what I'm supposed to write.

Good, so it's the end of another chapter of my life. Now what? I'm like an author suffering from a severe case of writer's block, because the beginning of the next chapter's still stuck in my pen. It seemed as though the lights went off, came back on, and suddenly the room's empty. I feel as lost as Little Bo Peep's lost sheep.

Just before I step into an entire new life with the same old people and (hopefully) a new me, I've got people to thank. (It's a long list, so if you're not interested, just scroll down to your name. If your name isn't here, sorry to say you haven't exactly made an impact in my life.)

Hong Ying, though we haven't got much time to spend together due to studies, I totally treasure our friendship all these years and it's totally indescribable.

Jane, my Ah Ma, really enjoyed the times we had in the group, always bantering and laughing. You were always the one I run to in times of desperation during examinations, so I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Don't worry, I won't steal your toy whale again, I know it's too precious. And thanks for the 'BeeHoon'.

Karthi Ducky, you barged into my life, made a whole hell, but I totally love you for that. You're always that cheerful, though it pains any good friend to see you crying at times over matters that aren't worth your tears. If it hadn't been for your last-minute help, I would have given up on my Chem. Love ya.

Liyan, Though always so silent, the smiles and lame jokes are your ways of fostering friendship, and I appreciate all the times we spent together in the group. Good luck to your ambition (It'll probably take me another 100 years to reach your level of 'Nirvana') and hopefully we'll see each other again.

NX, despite the countless tiffs we had and the amount of tears you've cried over our friendship, I still love you like I did years back and our friendship will still be around. Sorry for always being the villain.

Small Siti, I didn't exactly see you pop into my life (can't blame lah, too small), but you came in and wowed me with that megawatt smile. Thanks for being crazy over football, Teddy Geiger, Jesse McCartney just as I was.

Sub, you made me realise that smart people can act stupid at times. No lah, just joking. I'll never forget all the laughter you injected into my monotonous life and made it bright and colourful all over again. Kudos for soccer!

Sug, you were the one who made the greatest (and not so very well) impact in my JC life. You were the good friend I confided in and joked with, the one I discussed homework with and worked so well with, but you were also the one who broke my heart with a pinch of your pettiness. Perhaps only time will tell if the chasm between us will ever be bridged, but I shall keep a positive image of you in my mind.

To all my teachers, firstly, really sorry for the lousy work I've been turning in from Primary 1 til now. I can be a really staunch procrastinator, but you all are always there to hammer some sense into me (not literally!) and educate me. Thanks alot, no matter how significant I am to you.

05S13, I totally love you all to bits and it's a real pity we haven't had a real class outing altogether, but I hope we'll still continue to communicate via our class blog and update each other on our status. May our paths cross again.

To 10erz, I still haven't forgotten you all despite my receding memory, and I'll still continue to meet up with you all if we ever have the chance.

God all this sounds way cheesy. I think I need some digestion pills to get me through the night.

2 days into the A's

Blogging is supposed to be taboo when you do it during the A Levels, but heck, who cares.
I've been feeling jittery ever since the start of the A Levels. Perhaps my confidence level just took a nosedive, I dunno. I can't believe I've got one foot into the making of my future already, and it's now all condensed into one mind-boggling examination. THIS 3-week exam is all I have to prove myself. No matter how much I've put in for the past years, no matter how much time I spend mugging, THIS is all I have. I'm still doubting the credibility of the situation.

P.S: To whoever who has given up, I don't know what to say. I'm just going to be at my most optimistic and wish you all the best.

I mean it.

I'm not trying to be sarcastic.

A Levels and soccer have nothing in common

My computer decided to get me to keep my hands off it by throwing a hissy fit which involved a lot of banging, yelling, cursing and swearing. Great.

It's 3 days to the A Levels, people. 3 days. But looking on the brighter side, I've just regained the lost faith in myself yesterday after trying the 2003 Chemistry paper and seeking help from my lovely buddies. Wish you all luck, people. Take this last Great Leap Forward and we'll be on green pastures once again.

Soccer weekend:As mentioned above, I almost hammered my computer to bits after it gave up on me. I was thirsty for the BL match results between Munich and Frankfurt. Thank Lord, they won it in style. But I almost cried out when I read from the Bayern site that Poldi will be out for the next 3 weeks. Sounds both a boon and bane to me. Good, because I'm out for 3 weeks too. Bad, because I'm worrying incessantly about some German football guy instead of my pending A Levels. How inappropriate.

And I loved the full-page Sunday Times report on the ManU-Bolton match. Someone just resurrected Wayne Rooney from his goal drought. *Pops champagne*

Do or die, you choose

I'm probably too lazy to update my page again for the next 4 weeks. I've got too much stuff on hand to revise and so little motivation. All I can think of is sleep, soccer, sleep. Lemme see...

Revision left to do:
All my chinese literature stuff, Statistics, Inorganic chem, Differentiation and Integration.

Wow. I didn't know that. But CA's going to take up a huge portion of this 2 remaining weeks, and I'm not a huge fan of reading chunks of Chinese characters. Forget it. My fate is sealed. It's do or die.

Lemme see...My boys at Old Trafford thrashed Wigan. This calls for a celebration. And my other boys at Bayern thrashed their opponents too. This calls for another celebration. Man I'm enjoying life. I shall go slog now.

When things hit home

I can finally empathize with those who are down with the gastric flu virus, because it hit home yesterday. I felt as though I had thrown up all my guts and lungs and I feel so emptied out, but I still can't get my mouth to open to food. Sounds anorexic.

So while I'm missing my second day of school, my counterparts are busily doing their final patches to their revision. I was hoping to use these 2 days as revision, but who knows I didn't even have the strength to keep myself upright for more than 5 minutes. This is pathetic. Take care of yourselves, peeps, lest you wish to undergo such torment.

Being intelligent probably wasn't your destiny

Look, I've got 28 days to the A Levels. Am I panicking? Not one bit. I'm one cool cucumber, even though my grades are like bovine excrement. I need to push my GP up by 3 grades to my ideal grade, push my Chemistry and Math up by at least 3 grades, as well as try to get full marks for my Chinese Literature. As for the latter, I've got reliable sources buzzing around my head that to score an A for Chinese you've got to score close to 90 marks for the Literature component. I almost had verbal diarrhea.

Alright, back to what I'm supposed to write today. Just over a month ago, I decided that being friends with someone is far more agonising than shoving ice cubes up my ass, so I (or rather, she) decided to call it quits. Fine. I'm not here to bemoan your extinction from my world. I'm just taking this chance to settle things once and for all, in case I have more people coming up to me and asking 'What's wrong with her?'. Sorry, but I'm not her official spokesman and I can't really deduce the actual cause of such an adverse change, but from an outsider's point of view, she's probably decided that sticking around with us isn't going to benefit her intellectually, physically or emotionally, so she's decided to row her own canoe. But oops, be careful, don't lose that paddle. You could drown yourself, you know.

Teddy Geiger: who the hell?

I'm 14 hours to my last paper for the prelims and 42 days to my A Levels, and I'm up here. Fine.
I really need to blog, or else my fingers will start to curl backwards and degenerate. These 2 days haven't been eventful, other than the hype in my neighbourhood over the noise pollution brought on by the bird-culling squad. Other than that, everything's mundane.

Just a little over 6 months ago, I grabbed a copy of Teddy Geiger's Underage Thinking off the shelves of the local CD shop after much hesitation; I wasn't prepared to invest in something I wasn't familiar with. For all those out there who are clueless as to who TG is, just google his name and you'll get a gazillion outputs of fanclubs and girls awing over him. Alright, he's an 18-year-old guy from the US of A who plays the piano, guitar, drums and sings like John Mayor. Yeah, that's him. Okay, so when I popped that CD into my dying discman, the sound just blew me away. 'You mean he's 18?! He sounds as though he's sung so many songs his voice's gotten all raspy and deep.' Then talk about the 'cute' factor. Seriously, he isn't a real killer. It's his eyes which are doing the job for him. People would probably, at this point of time, dismiss him as a 'contacts' guy, but no, I don't think those soulful blue-grey eyes can be put together with contacts. Then his music. I think that's the most important part of the whole package, because what's the use if you look hot and all you sing is broken notes? So yah, I'm totally in love.

Prelims over, making way for the big A's

Just when I was complaining about how manageable Chemistry Paper 2 was, my ego took an ultimate hit when I was doing Paper 1. I wonder if I did anything to offend the setter of the paper to deserve such mind-bogging questions. It's all over and done with, so no point bemoaning.

I probably bowled for the first time in my life, with one game all to myself and my peeps. *waves* It's like the easiest sport I've ever played. No skill needed, no professional gear needed, just pure clean fun with a tad of quirkiness. Well done, peeps.

Okay, so everyone's making the mad 100m dash. Am I? I'm all lackadaisical and nonchalant even til now. I don't know where I'm going to find all the motivation and that extra-huge push. Someone please.

Sweet 18, paradoxical year

Who says that birthdays are special. This year was a huge dampener because of the Prelims. So instead of enjoying the 18th year of my existence, I had to crank my brains and shovel Chemistry into my head. Yuck.

But friends will be friends, and they know exactly how to make you feel at the top of the world. Thanks alot, peeps. This year's a paradox, because we're deriving joy from pain. But no matter how much tears and sweat we shed, it's for a cause. Love you all, people.

P.S: Thankies to my babies (Sub, Sit, Ducky, Kumu and S13 peeps) for making this miserable day alot better. Thanks to my sis (you can stop grumbling now), my all-time best friends (HongYing, LiYan, Jane), my NHSS friends and all netizens who wished me. God bless.

Holding back my mad mutters, but not for long

I tried to curb the temptation to blog these few days, so there'a a reason why my last entry dated way back. I dunno, but I'm feeling the stress, and the worst part of it is my motivation's running out, especially when I get so frustrated if I can't solve a problem. I'm hating every moment of it, but I know I can't just stop dead in my tracks and turn back. Look, this is a bloody hat-trick by the education system, and that's by issuing you a one-way ticket (to hell for some of us). So it's do or die. Okay I really need to get some stuff off my chest.

Steve Irwin. Yeah, when I saw the report on MSNBC, I thought the server just got hacked. I used to think this guy was crazy, always shoving his head into the wide open jaws of crocs and weird creatures. I guess getting killed by a stingray isn't something spectacular. I still salute him, no doubt.

Soccer. When I thought my soccer fever died down, it came back with an additional bout of nausea and head aches (literally). Long at last, Singapore managed to hold back the arrogant China coach. He should consider planning his retirement soon, if his previous words still hold. Meanwhile, Euro 2008 qualifiers are killing me. I don't watch the matches (even if I was dying to), but I love the results. I love the way my boys in the Germany team hit home 13 times over San Marino. Phenomenal. I love the sweet revenge taken by the Frech over Italy. I totally love soccer.

Math for the soul

I’m never a firm believer of luck and fate, because whatever I wish to find in life is entirely in my hands. But at this moment, how I hope that some saint would drop me some manual for a crash course on Math D. I’m still trying to figure out my J1 topics and, at the same time, hopefully excavate some helpful studying strategies for statistics.

To all the girls with the broken hearts

To every girl thatdresses cute, not skanky.
To every girl whowants to be called beautiful, not hot.
To every girl that will spend her whole daylooking for the perfect present for you.
To every girl who gets her heartbroken, because he chose that bitch instead
To every girl that would dieto have a decent boyfriend.
To every girl who would just once liketo be treated like a princess.
To every girl that cries at nightbecause of another heartbreak.
To every girl that won't get down on her kneesand open her mouth just to get a boyfriend.
To every girl thatjust wants to hold hands.
To every girl thatkisses him with meaning.
To every girl whojust wishes he cared more.
To every girl who would just once want a guy to givetheir jacket up when they are cold.
To every girl whojust wants him to call.
To every girl who liesawake at night thinking about him.
To every girl thatjust wants to cuddle.
To every girl thatjust wants to sleep with him without having sex.
To every girl that is SCARED to put her heartout there again, because she has been HURTtoo many times or so badly.
To every girl who shows how muchshe cares and gets nothing back.
To every girl that thought'maybe this one could be the one'.
To every girl that laughs at stupid stuffwhen she actually doesn't think it is funny.
To every girl who is just looking for that oneand only and is having a rough time along the way.
To every girl that has been cheated on,because she's not a slut who gives it up to any guy.
To every girl that doesn't want a guy whojust plays with her emotions but actually caresabout how she feels.
To every girl who wantswords backed up with actions.
To every girl that fell for all the liesonly to find themselves alone in the end.
To every girl that gave her heart awayto have it shoved back in her face.
To every girl that has faith that 'tomorrow will be a better day.'
And it will be.

Go die and rot in hell Part 2

The school campus could be my very next reside other than my home. It's got everything I need to keep me studying and concentrating, especially on a very lazy and sluggish Saturday afternoon.

It's great to see some people start their engines (although it may seem a tad too late now) and settle down to mug. It's a pity that the idea of mugging didn't grow on them early enough, but it's better to be late than never.

And to some other people, their main concern doesn't seem to be studying, but to keep their noses poked into someone else's grades and ALWAYS making a point to compare grades with people. Please get a grip if you're one of those. It irks me to see the crude expression on your face after I've 'reported' my grades to you. Like I said, go die and rot in hell.

Go die and rot in hell

It’s all just my luck. The coincidental moment for us to sit next to a table of insufferable and barbaric 16-year-olds gave me a little emotional tornado and some awkwardness. Damn it.

Seriously, I don’t know what the kids nowadays are learning from the adults. Are they picking up the astuteness, or the state of being senile and kiasu-ism. Look, all I wanted to do was to get into the library early so that I can start my revision sharp at 10 and all they have to do is to turn up at 9.45 outside the still-closed library, waiting for the clock to strike 10 and the doors open and they’d make a mad-cap dash for the vacant tables. Yikes. At this moment, I’d expect you to point a finger at me and ask, “So what the hell are you doing outside the library so early in the morning?” Sorry, people, but kiasu-ism is intolerable and infectious at the same time. Face it, we all want tables for our own use instead of sharing it with some reluctant guy who can’t stop excavating his nostrils and sending tremors to your side with his incessant leg-shaking.

Ah, talk about the tables in the library. Going by the book, people are not supposed to used the tables for their own personal study (not my fault, the security guy told me that with a highly condescending tone). But the truth is, nearly 90% of the users of the tables, I’m confident, are studying for their exams. Look, it is impossible for the students to not veer towards places which are conducive, quiet and devoid of distractions (except for the cute guys). So if the library is being so half-hearted about imposing the library rules, I suggest they either do away with it or impose it with an iron fist. It’s either the students or an empty library, you choose.

Then there were those students who are bent on making life hell for us. We’re all library users and we’re all studying for major exams, so why sabotage us? All I can say is the lack of self-control and an absolutely scheming youth population will lead us nowhere. Take note. If I ever spot that bunch again (I would be able to recognize you all if I ever lay my eyes on you), I’ll make sure you get some lessons taught in a civil manner, and not how you treated your seniors. Get a life. You can die and rot in hell for all I care. I bet you’d flunk all your exams.

P.S: Happy B-Dae, Check.

Unbreak my heart

If I'm that insufferable and egoistic bitch in your eyes, I'm so sorry I made a friend out of you. Perhaps not clearing everything up the other time made things awkward for us, and that's partially my fault. And it's partially yours too. Just because you're desperate to save that inch-thick skin of yours, I have to bear all the emotional stress and all those sleepless nights wondering if I should ever be nice to you again. I don't know, but I'm just too soft-hearted.

With every heartache comes a period of repentence; I didn't have the chance to see where I gone wrong. Someone just chainsawed my heart halfway through and left it hanging and bleeding. You.

I know it sounds unpleasantly harsh, and it still breaks my heart to say all these, but I guess I didn't see the real you. I was the one at fault.

Stab me

I believe it’s good to root out those people who eat into your life like a malicious internet worm. I had this ‘motivational’ talk by one of the teachers in school, and he taught me how to be selfish at times. It sounds a little morally wrong at the beginning, but the pieces fitted together after a while. Look, we live day after day, see friends come and go, witness the rise and fall of power and marvel at how wonderfully the old lady hobbling on the walking stick crosses the road wit exact precision. But we’ve got to be realistic. There are some morons out there who are after your blood, and that is a boringly obvious fact.

So getting to the point, I’ve decided that I no longer needed to bother if my best friend’s donning a mask and poised with a dagger behind my back, ready to strike. You can mug me as much you like, but I am not budging at all. I am not going to fall for your dirty tricks and your false cries of dire straits and your crocodile tears. If I have to, I’ll be the villain.

Books, boys and balls

While I hope incessantly for my modem to spring back to life miraculously, I just need to pop something into this page before Diaryland decides to bulldoze this blog full of mad muttering.
I guarantee that life still sucks no matter how much I try to change it (all in vain, however), and I still have to mug for my A Levels no matter how much aversion I feel for it.

So my World Cup fever is showing no signs of subsiding. Great. Beneath my stack of books would you find a soccer magazine meant to be found under a guy’s bed, but yes, here’s a girl absolutely nuts over the new (but currently injured) addition to Manchester United Michael Carrick. And Bayern Munich’s lovely trio of Philip Lahm, Lukas Podolski (sorry Siti) and the one-and-only Bastian Schweinsteiger. God, I’m drooling.

Danke!

Shoot me if you have to, because I declare myself a huge fan of Germany.

In my history books, Germany was never the good guy, not even after WWII. I know some Germans would cringe whenever people bring up the past atrocities of the war, but I totally salute the way Germany is now.

First of all, I love its football culture. Totally. I’ve seen the Germans fight for the pride of their country in World Cups ’02 and ’06, and although they were overpowered in the end by the Italians, the fighting spirit never faded. This should be the way we live our lives, to hide away our fears and go all out to pursue whatever we want.

And the hospitality of the people is just overwhelming. I might not have been there and experienced the kind hospitality of the people there, but the many chants of praise for the people of Germany just floods in. I love this.

Last but not least, the food!

World Cup Snippets

I’ve been so lazy recently, I couldn’t be bothered to bring myself to update. I couldn’t bring my fingers onto the keyboard and wax lyrical all day about the World Cup. So before I lug myself to school 15 minutes later, just a little snippets about what I think about the World Cup.

Zizou has definitely decided to ruin his retirement.
I grabbed my head when the camera replayed the head-butt scene, and that vid had never stopped playing in my head ever since 5 in the morning. What a great way to ruin his last match. Even if he’d been so furious at that Italian guy, even a dumb blonde knows that ramming your head into someone else doesn’t pay. Oh, it does, with a red card.

Good goalkeepers look scary.
Look at Italy’s Buffon and Germany’s Kahn. One has this scary smile which my younger sis is terrified of, while the other one growls and barks. Enough said.

Christiano Ronaldo-Angel and Demon
What he did to Wayne Rooney still baffles me. He’s definitely a demon in that sense, as well as a speed devil on the pitch shoulder. I guess Man Utd should consider reimbursing Ronaldo and sell him to Real Madrid, where he is rumoured to move to, lest Fergie wishes to see the two youngsters bloody noses every training session. Surprisingly, those antics of his didn’t come off during the match with Germany, or else Ballack would have knocked him flat with his 6’3 frame.

Say ‘SCHWEINSTEIGER’ 3 times
Well I tried that and, sadly, it didn’t turn out more than just gibberish. The German midfielder stole the limelight with his 2 goals and an indirect one to put Germany in 3rd placing. Maybe it’s time to stop fantasizing with the already-attached Ballack and move on to this 21-year-old hottie.

’Huh?’
That was probably the reaction from many people. Me too.
‘Hey England’s out.’
‘Huh?’
‘Brazil too.’
‘Huh?!’
‘Well, Argentina’s booted out too.’
‘…’

Okay I really need to get moving if I want to get to that 10 am Math lecture.

Kevin's gone

Kevin's gone.

World Cup 2006 Opening Match: Guys vs. Gals

Girls have all reason to watch soccer. Look, we’re not simply drooling over the likes of Michael Ballack or the not-very-young-anymore David Beckham. We DO watch how they play and pitch our comments, although not as vulgar and mindless as the guys do. Yes, I do agree that we, the girls, don’t go to the extent of memorizing which players have scored how many goals in their careers, neither can we predict the fielding of players like the guys always do (as though they’re the ones managing the team). But we (some of us, I’m afraid to say) appreciate the sport as much as the guys do. So I wonder if the guys ever change their perspectives of how girls look at soccer. I don’t really care if YOUR girlfriend or YOUR wife totally hates the game and how the guys always end up sticking their noses in the television sets, because not all girls like to drag guys by the hair away from the television whenever there’s a match. Man, I DO appreciate footie ball.

So the opening match’s shown some good play, other than the 11 fouls on each side (see! I do notice these small details!). Germany against Costa Rica, 4 to 2. Many bookies must be tearing their hair out. I love such matches, because they keep you at the edge of your seat. When the first goal came in, I smiled. When Costa Rica drew with their goal, I smiled even more. It no longer mattered to us girls if the extremely cute German captain was fielded or not (well, maybe it mattered just a little), but the game’s good, though not good enough for those who betted and lost. Haha.

I do want to catch all the other 63 matches on television (since I’m too broke to afford a ticket to fly to Germany, not to mention get into the stadium and watch sweaty blokes run after the ball), but I don’t have cable tv (which is the saddest thing in the world), plus my exams are running up soon. Yikes.

Hissy-Fit Day

I was being so much of a b***h today, throwing a hissy-fit for the entire morning. I don’t know what came over me; perhaps it’s the building pressure of the upcoming examinations, so much to revise in so little time (although I’ve covered a third of everything)… I don’t know. What about the A Level if I can’t even clear this?

The Da Vinci Hoo Haa

Before I start loading words of praise on the wagons of Dan Brown, I have to iterate that I am following none of the religions depicted in his books, neither am I condemning it. It just has this thing which keeps you intrigued, hungry for the next chapter. I admit, I will probably pay the author royalties by watching the movie. Nothing against religion, it’s all in the name of curiosity.
I remember lamenting just a few months ago that people around me seemed more absorbed with the book than their school work. Thy saw the reason why. Dan Brown’s capability to capture the readers’ weak point- curiosity- has garnered him heaps of fans (haters, as well, but that’s insignificant) and thumbs-up from the many media sources which reviewed his books.
The Da Vinci Code will probably be the next controversial thing apart from Michael Jackson in the years to come. I mean, who’s capable of coming with so many deviations from the religion we’ve all known for so long? I’m standing on neither grounds, but I can safely comment that this book is a good book to bring into literature classes, it’s just a matter of approval from the conservative society.

Just today morning, I woke up at 6am just to mull over the last 20 chapters of the book. Just yesterday, thousands of people in several countries marched the streets to condemn the print-to-screen movie, which debuted in cinemas here the very same day. Do I intend to catch it? Probable. The reaction of the people were not without ample wrath. I prefer to look at it from a linguistic point of view. Like Langdon, I prefer not to side, if I’m not forced to at gun point.

MTV Asia Awards 2006 Favourite Pop Act: BSB!

Okay this is an urgent post. I just had to make a entry to celebrate the belated fact that The Boys won Favourite Pop Act for this year’s MTVasia Awards. No offence to Simple Plan fans, but I was so afraid that Simple Plan would win because their votes were climbing furiously. God I feel so proud to be an Asian fan, because I was part of their making of the title. Well-deserved.

Chelsea triumphed... but it won't be for long

Bunch of hypocrites… Ever since Chelsea won the match against Manchester United yesterday, people have been putting up the colours of Chelsea everywhere. From bedrooms to themselves, even the driver who parked his car downstairs has hung a Chelsea banner at his back wind screen. If I had felt worse his car would have gained a few more dents. Okay, we have to face it. If our boys wanted to pick up the title with just one match, they’ll have to do more than just close up that 9-point gap. Although I’m still pretty shaken by the thrashing by the Blue Army, our boys played well, didn’t they? The only disappointment would be Rooney getting injured. It’s okay. I’ll probably feel better in a few days’ time.

It all came back

Today made me realized that I’ve been running away all along. Running away from a past so ugly and discreditable. Running away from people I would never have the courage to look in the eye. I was appalled by my behavior; it was like hiding from a debtor. I suddenly became so hideous and was desperate for a hole for me to dive in and bury my head. But no matter how far I could run to evade this, it’s destined to haunt me all my life. This is the past I’ve been trying to escape.

It reminded me of the foolish tears I shed, the nights I couldn’t sleep well because of a heartache which had me succumbing to the intangible pain, the dumb stuff I write in my mind about how much I liked him. It was a lesson learnt, a painful one which left me scarred. It’s scary to acknowledge the fact that such simple infatuation had cost me much misery and breakdowns. I’ve learnt the painful facts the hard way, by falling down over and over again, and have the one I hold on to so hard trip me personally. From then on, I’ve decided to throw that all away and live on.

And it all came back to me today.

Sailing in, sailing out

To curb all rumours that I’ve decided to pack myself away to another comfortable corner of the world and not return, I’m back. I just became a little nostalgic some time back and contemplated not blogging for a month, but ,my fingers just kept finding their way to the keyboard. I couldn’t help it. I’ll be getting down and busy again, for the rest of the time from today (probably), until the end of November, that’s when I’ll officially ditch this system of ruthless man-eat-man reality and dive into my world of escapades. Til then, I’ll still pop by periodically, most of the time just to mop over the daily distress and all that, but don’t pin any high hopes on me.

Excuses for the damsel in distress

“Or maybe you could call your club president and tell him you’re stuck in the lift and so you can’t turn up for the meeting. You can actually make that buzzing sound of the lift emergency button if you like,” I remembered myself telling my friend, who’s trying to find a reason to evade her club meeting. Apparently she’s exhausted all her conventional excuses (“I’m sick”, “I’m having a fever”, “I took early leave”, etc.) so I, a.k.a. her trusty book of excuses, decided to lend the poor damsel in distress a hand. Wonder if she went back for the meeting.

Great, so I’m going to be without a maid for 3 excruciating weeks. How torturous. I miss my trusty To, although she’s prone to temper flares and all sorts of out-of-this-world behavior. Hides in a corner, trying hard to psycho myself that if I count to 10, 3 weeks will be over in a jiffy. It’s not working.

Show me the way

I pursed my lips. Aiyo, I thought to myself.

I suddenly became so motivated to study even harder. I’ve had talks with so many people in my family, and they’re questioning me about my endeavors and plans. They respect my decision to enter the world of social sciences despite streaming myself into the science faculty. I guess only one person knows where I’m going to go. Myself.

My uncle's cool

My uncle was recounting how his nephew in the States crashed their family truck twice and his own car once, driving it into a telephone post. I almost died laughing. My uncle’s seldom in Singapore, partially due to his work and also because he’s American, so to be able to laugh at his jokes and stuff is a blessing for most of us. And he loves to send me stuff on world news and all that. I’m still trying to grow accustomed to reading all the stuff he sends me, but all that info has come in handy for my GP so he’s cool.

Friendster's giving me loads of problems and all that. I'm contemplating a change to use MySpace instead.

I wanna be a scribe!

I got so afraid when I couldn’t access the applications on my desktop. I thought it was going to die on me, just like what my previous computer did. Thankfully, it didn’t. Phew.

I’m contemplating signing up as a scribe for a local magazine. I’ve made writing my life, and I seriously wouldn’t mind letting it be my source of income in the near future. I know I haven’t had any formal training on writing for articles, but I strongly believe that such a course would further empower me with the enhanced ability to unleash my writing skills confidently and without bars. All I need now is to complete my A Levels, and hopefully do well enough in my GP to score a writing stint with a local mag. I’m truly motivated by myself.

Stop child abuse!

I had to witness with my own eyes the cruelty of a mother towards her own child under the scrutiny of the public eye. The crazy woman was whacking her 4-year-old daughter in the parking lot just outside my home, and the poor girl was bawling her eyes out. Clad in pink and white, her tear-stained face was painful to look at, especially when her mother kept pushing her away from the car. The father? The useless moron was sitting at the wheel, not giving a damn that someone is raining blows down on her daughter. I had the tendency to yell down at the nutcase, but we’re living in a civilized world, so I wouldn’t want to stoop down at the level of the child-abuser. I just want to make it known to the world. Whoever’s out there, whether you’re a parent or a child, you have to right to decide all this. Whether you should torture the young soul physically, and let it all lead up to an unhappy childhood full of cries and helpless pleas, or learn how to communicate with the child in a more effective manner. Beating the child is not education; it’s a crime on your part, as well as tyranny in the eyes of the innocent child.

Beat you next time

I cringed, the papers ruffled,
Passed it on, the regrets.
IT’S YOUR FAULT, my head screamed.
I know.

Faces flashed, I didn’t bother.
Walking on, seeing null.
My face sunk, ugly, sullen.
Frustration.

Class again, steps ahead heavy.
Fallen heart, fallen hope.
Then you laughed, crisp, clear.
I woke up.

I had to get pass the fact that I’ll most probably fail today’s Math test, without a doubt, and I can place a whole month’s allowance to bet on it. Just to fuel my stinking mood, I barely passed the latest Chemistry test. Perhaps I studied the wrong way? Perhaps I hadn’t studied enough? Perhaps, perhaps I’m just too dumb?

I suddenly felt the need to have someone there for me to run to in the face of adversity. I don’t have a heart strong enough to shoulder all my emotional baggage, much to the fact that I generate too much of that load whenever I put my head and heart to think about stuff.
I’m tired, but this just powered my thirst to achieve even more.

P.S: To that someone whom I’m always aiming to beat, I didn’t do it this time, but I swear, I’ll thrash you at your game the next time.

*cough* save *cough* me!

I landed myself in a coughing fit just at the beginning of Math lecture and had to escape to the nearest toilet to finish off a 10-minute non-stop, non-skip cough to ease the itch in my throat. Someone’s thinking of me, they say. Someone’s cursing me, I’d say. And I came back watery-eyed and exhausted from all that hacking. This throat irritation’s been following me for almost a week now, and no amount of sweet cough drop or grotesque-smelling lozenges can cull it. Damn.

Just to share a little on my escapade to K-Box last week (I guess that kind of added to the torment I’m suffering under now), it was the first time I attempted a Backstreet Boys song there, and I’m pretty amazed by myself, other than the lacklustre budget MTV of a woman strolling by the beach. That, of course, was definitely NOT one of the Boys’ MTVs. I did ‘I Need You Tonight’, which was a solo by Nick in Millennium, without the cover singer’s voice. And I swear, I’ll be back for more BSB songs. Watch out for me.

Help this impulse shopper!

I hate myself for being an impulse shopper. The moment I see something eye-catching, I’ll just grab it, provided it’s not too expensive. Shucks. This was how I blow half my week’s money on a cell phone pouch. Great. And I’ve just made orders for a silicon case for my cell, because I can’t risk accumulating more scratches on this phone which is going to stick around for another 2 years. Where am I going to find the money to spend after college?

I’ve recently (or rather, today) declared myself unavailable for the rest of the year. Sorry people, but homework (a.k.a my boyfriend) is keeping a tight rein on me. If I don’t submit my assignments or study for my tests, I’m most probably going to fail the year. I don’t want to repeat school (after experiencing the horrors of it), so I’ve got to do my stuff religiously. Okay, it’s back to homework again.

Post-concert blues

“A friend bought a pair of jeans and was saying that they were like a 4-star hotel --- There wasn’t any ball room.”

This joke from school didn’t exactly cheer me up for the entire day. Great--- we had to do our modules today. No portfolio to mug over, but the teacher spoke as though he should have joined Broadway. His jokes weren’t exactly entertaining, but I just laughed conformingly.

It’s been more than a week since the concert, but I’m still suffering from its after-effects. The songs are still swimming in my head, the images flashed back every now and then, their voices still bombarding my senses. They had the power to set such a simple concert into my head without gimmicks, and this is their power. I miss them. I miss the Boys.

Backstreet Boys: Never Gone World Tour in Singapore

The only regret I had yesterday was being unable to skip school and run after the Backstreet Boys like the paparazzi, which was a HUGE pity. Pity pity pity…

Considering the last time they came to Singapore for a concert was in 1996, this Never Gone World Tour Concert was a great gift to the people in Singapore. Finally, we could bring out the placards and posters again. The ability to be able to hear the Boys sing live for the first time in my life will be something I’ll never forget for as long as I live, because the Boys have the power to capture anyone, including my mum. Thanks for the tickets and your company.

The concert was held at the Singapore Indoor Stadium in order to cater to the needs of close to 5000 people, who have filled up the $160 seats and clumped up along the balcony seats. There were Singaporeans, Americans, Britons, Japanese, Malaysians, Chinese, Malays, Tamils, Caucasians… It was a concert which brought people together for a single reason- to watch a phenomenon.

One girl, probably around 15, was gushing with her friends over the autograph she got from one of the Boys. I wanted to go up to her and hug her and say “Great job!” for being such a perfect fan. The Boys need such fans, and that’s why we’re here.

I witnessed another gathering, just besides me. A lady around 60 was watching the concert with her 11-year-old granddaughter and the girl’s father. The 3 were cheering, regardless of age and maturity, throughout the concert. All for a single phenomenon.

The lights dimmed, and for the first time in my life, I saw the Backstreet Boys singing and dancing in front of me. I saw Brian, Nick, AJ, Howie and Kevin bring their music all the way, all 13 years of it, to our gathering. I was so overwhelmed emotionally, I didn’t know what to do except to sing along. Then I was taken over by the Backstreet Spirit.

They did their old hits, like I Want It That Way, As Long As You Love Me, All I Have To Give, Drowning, More Than That, Quit Playing Games With My Heart, I’ll Never Break Your Heart, Backstreet’s Back,… I could go on. Of course, they did their newer songs like Weird World, Incomplete, I Just Want You To Know, Crawling Back To You, Never Gone… I surrendered to the music, heart and soul.

Thanks for coming down to Singapore, because we still love you all these years, and yes, we still sing to your songs.

Thanks to Nick for the guitar parts, you did it well, in fact you should do it often. I loved the way you played around with the drums and the way you spoke to the crowd and the “Move it move it” line has stick itself permanently in my head. But please, do stop smoking for your own sake, if not for the fans. We want a healthy Kaos.

To Kevin, you were mesmerizing. My mum said you looked good. Thanks for the piano pieces, you blew us away with that. Hope Kristin’s fine.

To Howie, I couldn’t stop looking at your puppy eyes the entire night. You’ll still my sweet D.

To AJ, thanks for quit messing around with your body. You should teach Nick a thing or two. You did a great job with your parts. I’ll get you a beanie if you come down to Singapore again.

To Brian, send our regards to Mrs. Littrell and Baby Baylee, he’ll grow into a fine young man. Thanks for coming all the way down to Singapore. You still rock our world. I loved your quirky voice. Haha.

I know it’s hard for the Boys to sing ALL their songs during the 2-hour concert, but 10 years of waiting should earn us enough brownie points for a few more songs? I wanted an unplugged session like you guys did for the Backstreet’s Back album, I wished for solos, I prayed that you all could grab an instrument and play a few songs. Alright, perhaps I’m too greedy.

I didn’t mind the simple dressing of jeans and T-shirt, because that made you guys so real and raw. Thanks for the Hat thingy, I’ve been anticipating that, as well as the The One dance routine. I’ve seen you guys do that so many times on vid, I could teach you guys too. Haha.
Alright.

Thanks for the music. Thanks for the love.

Backstreet Boys Never Gone World Tour: Coming to town tomorrow!

I'm so breathless nowadays, I actually forgot to take my antibiotics for the past cow days. Alright, I was sick last Monday, and I was supposed to finish my course of antibiotics by last Friday... oh well.

Anyway, wanna wish the Boys all the best for their Never Gone concert tomorrow at the Indoor Stadium. It will be my first time watching them, so do do a good job because you guys know there are people in Singapore who really love you (like me) and it's time you repay us ever since 1996. Cheers, you guys rock the house down tomorrow, because you have fans like us.

Had the tendency to do a great leap over the school gates and rush for the airport when the DJ announced over the radio this morning that the Boys will be touching down at 3 in the afternoon, but I'm literally locked in so there's not much i could do except wait til tomorrow, when I'll get to see them at the stadium. Anticipation...

Drag queens rule, fever drools

It’s viral fever, again. Every time I catch something like this, I’d feel like dying, because I seldom fall sick (the last time I had a fever was probably half a year again). I believe in karma, though, so I strongly think that I was being punished this time… Feeling guilty isn’t the best way to repent, I guess.

Had a real interesting encounter I just had to share. I was on my way to school just the day before, two drag queens boarded the bus. The first thing one of them said was, ‘Let me find a seat first, my legs are very painful…’ in this very mawkish manner. Then the both of them came and sat on the seats just across me. I took some time to scrutinize their very 60’s dressing, from the fish net stockings to the fake lashes and the gravity-defying hair-do. I haven’t seen such a sight before, but I quit staring, in case one of these muscular ‘women’ came to me and beat the hell out of me.

The day I found myself flying

Delusion was what I used to hide the truth from myself, what I thought my world was made up to be. So I hid myself in this small cage and locked myself up, refusing to budge from this small space I had. I was happy; I wasn’t exposed to the cruel truths of this world, I was safe and dry.
Finally, the cage became too small for me, but I had no intention to get out of that shelter. I was reliant on whatever was in the cage for the past few years. My intuition was to spread my wings and fly, but the inner voice said, “No.” It spoke of the evils of the world, the fear of corruption to my innocence. I couldn’t run from myself.

Something poked me from outside the cage. It was the first form of pain I experienced, the catalyst which freed me. It said to me, “no doubt is the world ugly, but that’s only one side of the story. The other side’s for you to find out, lest you wish to imprison yourself forever in this cage.”

I was reborn, from the moment I flexed my wings to the moment I felt the wind against my face. It was stinging my face, but it soothed as well. I finally found the other side of the world.