Losing grip

The hike today was okay, except for the frequent hang-ups and all that. The Naval Base people seemed a little bored about the programmes organised. Whatever... if they wanna come hike with us, then accept it. James Tan wasn't there. And yes, i'm thoroughly disappointed. Cuz i didn't bother to take a better look at him after 6++ months, and now at this moment, i'm totally regretting it. Bah... Anyway i wasn't spared from all the rubbish either, but it wasn't that bad. Anyway, i know i won't see that guy again, so i'll like to wish him (and his very-lucky girlfriend if she exists)all the best. See i'm so nice...

James' over, so now it's back to school, on yet another guy. i've been thinking for a fairly long time about it, and i've come to the conclusion that i'm going to give him up slowly, cuz if i do it at one go i'm going to end up losing my life. So it's gonna happen very very gradually, and hopefully it's gonna work. i've lost hope.

James, James, James... hahahahaha

Am i disappointed? Yes i am. Am i glad? Yes i am. Am i angry? Yes i am. Why am i disappointed? Cuz James Tan of Naval Base Sec is attached. Why am i glad? Cuz James Tan of Naval Base Sec is attached. Why am i angry? Cuz James Tan of Naval Base Sec is attached and still those stuff is flying around. I'm a big fat loser i know; i don't fight for my rights, i don't fight for myself. I fight for other people to make them happy. I fight for others so they don't come and bother me. So i have been the big loser all this while. Esp. in this field, i'm hopeless. Til now, i can still like someone for near to 2 years and not tell him about it. Til now i found James Tan of Naval Base Sec cute for 2 years and not tell him about it. Anyway, i shouldn't say so much in case people get big-headed.

Saw James Tan of Naval Base Sec in school today. Apparently their very small corps came over to paint their flags for the hike tomorrow. Stupid Brandon kept teasing me about him and i was damn furious. I swear the next time he tease me i'm going to slap him. i don't give a damn even if he's my fellow squad mate. He don't respect my rights, i don't give him respect too. This is life. Frankly speaking, he's still very cute!!!!!!!! Ok lah... Dunno who said,"He where got hao kan?" Whatever... But he's attached, so i shall not stay in that spot forever... But he's cute lah, hor?

SYF flashcard

Went for a haircut today. My hair is like... Anyway, the main point today was that i got kicked on the ass... by myself. Mrs Wong called at 1 pm and asked me to report at the National stadium. And i was like,"Damn it!" Apparently she said that "it was irresponsible of me to do this" and that "i may as well finish off with the whole event once and for all". i didn't attend the last session, so even if i attend this session i still won't get any points. What the shit. And shuwen and Clara could escape this, so why couldn't i? Damn it... Anyway when i rushed there on a taxi which cost me $15++, the rehearsal haven't started and i had to squeeze with the other sec 3s whom i don't even know... I was so emotionally stressed the whole time, i didn't eat or drink, and just stared plainly into space. Anyway, NX asked Hong ying to pass me this choker she got from the US. Very nice, but... i don't know. i feel as though we're worlds apart. I know she's trying hard to revive the friendship, and i'm trying to forget...

Potter craze

Feeling chuffed ever since yesterday. Watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban twice and I still wanna watch it on VCD. Crazy over the show. Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint has grown much older and cuter while Emma Watson's probably the prettiest girl in the whole world. OMG... I'm so damn crazy...

Anyway, i'm not planning to go for flashcard anymore since i think it's a big waste of time and i think i'll have enough points to scrap thru an A la... Looking forward to school re-open cuz the first friday is... St.John Day!!! Really looking forward to it... Aiyo...

Had a real funny dream last night. dreamt of everyone in class, dreaming of netball, badminton, chem prac and ... math lessons. Aiyo... this shows how much i 'miss' school. So much that it's beginning to haunt me.

Happy-go-lucky me

Had SJAB today. Basically we were asked to fill up a form for our achievements and all that. Then for the rest of the remaining hours we were slacking and slacking and slacking. Me, Brandon, Aileen and Belinda did some observations on the Sec. 3s and all that. Spent the rest of the time watching NH bball team play with Queenstown and New town Sec.

Rena kept pestering me to go to the bbq. I didn't want to go cuz 1.) I don't wanna sia sueh myself and 2.) I have tons and tons and tons of work to do. If the reason to go to the bbq is to see James Tan of Naval Base Sec then I have plenty of reason to go see Check play billiards instead. Of, course, I'm " a little sad" to hear some stuff, it's not the end of the world, right? James is not everything, cuz there'll always be someone else, right Felz? (U know what I mean, don't you?) But of cuz, I'm definitely going to the hike. Hehe.

Guess I won't be seeing HIM for the whole holiday. Feeling sick just after 3 days after the last meeting, so I can't imagine how dead I can be by the end of the holidays.

Freak

Ning's got Mum all pissed, now she wouldn't even talk to me. Not even me. Well I guess that was the last straw, though Ning doesn't give a damn about it. She thinks that everyone in the world owes her their life. She just refuses to budge despite risking the chance of eating 'sugercane'. She's the biggest bitch I've ever seen in my life, and she's still unrepentent. Channel 5 showed Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone and it was bloody brilliant. Harry's cute in the Sorcerer's Stone, but he's even cuter in the Prisoner of Azkaban. There's this GCE O'Levels English Course @ the Singapore Power Auditorium tomorrow and I'm totally looking forward to it. I'm definitely expecting an A1 of my EL. Anyway, I finally went to the newly-renovated JE library. It now stands at 4 storeys high with a basement, a café and a jazz band. And it's damn cool, cuz it has a centre stage for jazz band performances, a DJ booth, listening booths and the latest CDs. I swear I'm gonna go there every week.

Anyway, there was SJAB on Saturday but it was pretty boring, except the fact that we had Crime Prevention course by the NPCC. But still, it was pretty boring. Then the good thing is that the hike's been finalised and it's gonna be on the 26th of June. Yay!!! (James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boy Alert!!!!!!) Saw Jie and her junior walking to the bus stop, followed by YX. I 'm not sure what's going on, and I'm also not interested to meddle with other people's affairs, but if she ever needs a shoulder to cry on I'll always be here.

A friend(whom I do not wish to identify ) asked me if he could zhui qiu me. I don't know if it was a big fat joke or what, but I was damn shocked. He was pestering me the whole time on Friday on who I liked and all that but I just wouldn't tell him. Freak.

Math and Chemistry lessons

Today was pretty fine. Went to JEC to celebrate HY's birthday, but had to leave early cuz i had lessons at 10. At first i was dreading the Math lesson cuz it would be 2 hours of monotonous mumbling of Mrs Wong, but it turned out surprisingly relaxing. We had a 2 hour break before

Chemistry lessons so me and Jiaqi went with some of the guys in class to Ginza Mac's for lunch. Weiming initially wanted to go play billards with Chee Hsiang but he got bang seh so he had lunch with us instead. Then he came to look for Weiming at 1 cuz they had a dental appointment, and he was munching on our fries. And a warning for those who are eager to try Mac's Cheeseburger Deluxe, DON'T. it sucks. Thank God he finished up the yucky stuff for me... Then Weiming was talking about how much he hated Tong Loong and all that. lolz... Chemistry is slack with Mdm Sabrina, and there were some who turned up when we were about to be dismissed. lolz. Jokers... Now i'm just sitting at home, waiting for death to claim me during Math tuition.

End of May, Start of June

I survived this miraculous day. The narrative writing workshop was interesting with Mrs Howard, but i can't say the same for Mdm Sia's summary workshop. I swear i could have fallen asleep if not for Clement's constant chattering...

The whole world's asking me to tell him about my feelings, but i just can't bring myself to do it... It means too much to me, and i just can't let go like that. How i wish he can just come here and read it all for himself...

Chinese O Levels over!

The Chinese O Levels are finally over!!! To think i actually slogged my guts out for this paper, it was not as hard as i thought. Paper 1 was tricky, but i eased pass Paper 2. Came home straight away cuz no one asked me out (how sad *sniff*). And so far all i did after coming home at 1pm til now was eat my lunch and watch TV. How meaningless... I realised that everytime there's an exam i can hardly breathe but once everything's over, i could breathe so easily i could hyperventilate. Pin and the gals asked me for dinner at Sakae Sushi but i just couldn't be bothered to step out of home. Besides, I'm saving for a movie marathon next week. Sorry gals...

It was so scary testerday, cuz i suddenly broke down before dinner and was wailing like shit in the toilet. Mum and Dad didn't find out cuz it was normal for my eyes to be red since i have dry eyes. Haiz... Scared myself to death. Can't relax much cuz i'll still have to go to school tomorrow... Haiz...

Was chatting over sms with Clara and she was asking me to go tell him that i like him for the umpteenth time. I don't know, cuz we seldom talk except for the occasional sms, and i guess i'll be scaring him away...