Loved by you

“…it’s the little sacrifices we have to make…”

I couldn’t just shut my eyes and ears and pretend that I didn’t hear those words or the little crack in your voice. All I could wish for was that you wouldn’t see those tears glistening. I understand the kind of pain we have to undergo at this point of time; it’s ironic because we’ve both found jobs but the misery seems double the amount. It’s not about the potential obstacles at work; it’s the stabbing pain you get each moment you wished that someone was there besides you to give you those warm and fuzzy hugs when you needed them most. It’s like taking a deep breath and feeling all the tears rush out of your tear ducts at the mere thought of missing someone. It’s not wanting to wave goodbye every time we part, because I’m afraid I might just cry and make you upset as well.

I’m just waiting for your SMS. Something so simple from you, and yet carries every single word I yearn to hear from you. To tell me that you’re home, safe and sound. To tell me you enjoyed today’s game with my sisters and I. To tell me how much I am missed. And to prove to me, every single time, how lucky I am.

The missing game

I woke up in the late morning with a new found sense of despondence, as well as a backache. I’ll probably spend the entire day lazing around, I thought. And it really did happen.

The backache attributed by 6 hours of standing, sitting, railing at pre-teens and photocopying practice papers went away after my bath, but I soon realized that my throat was turning against me at brunch time. Then I became Maria for the day by buying lunch at the market under the hot sun, washing up all the used cups (we had 3 people at home today, and 5 cups. I wonder how many mouths do these people have.), doing the dishes, making the bed… It took my mind off wandering, so I’m kind of thankful for staying busy.

I don’t know why I’m dreading the interview tomorrow. It’s probably because it’s at Woodlands and, if everything goes well, I’ll have to spend an hour or so travelling to and fro office. And no more casual work attire like what I could don back at Chevron; it’s office attire, right at the centre of the industrial park. How ironic.

And I can never spell out how I felt, to endure 2 days without you by my side. Now I know why I feel so dreadful today. I miss Dad, and I miss Jack.

Four and strong

I know I shouldn't be doing this at this point of time, knowing that I'll be running fairly late on my schedule of tuition classes later on at 10. But I need a space to listen to me rant. I won't mind even if it was non-human.

Okay so I landed myself a sore throat and a blocked nose that flicks on and off. It must have been those Wang Wang rice crackers I'm been livng off since Thursday. And I still can't get my hands off them. Oh god.

Oh, and happy 4th month to us. The scare on Wednesday proved more than sufficient that I really need you by my side. It's not like I get to meet someone who's my best friend, doubles as my loved one, and takes on the third role as family (my parents are more concerned about you than they are about me!) every day. And it always feels as though we've been together for ages. We both know that it's been a trying period for us, and life will only continue to get in our way, but I'm sure we'll find our way through with my hand in yours.

Okay I need to sprint.

Counting my lucky stars

I just want to let you know that I'll never want to experience the feeling of living my life without you. The past 19 years of singlehood isn't for nothing; it was to wait for someone like you who is perfect for me. So for the first and the last time round, never EVER put your life in so much danger, ever. And I never want to wait for you in the A&E Emergency again. It drives me nuts having to sit there for 2 hours and not know what the hell was wrong with you. The mental torture hadn't been so bad before, to have the huge urge to cry and yet repress all those tears. But to know that you're now sleeping safely and soundly in your own bed kind of calmed me down.

Thanks to Eugene for the assistance rendered. I'd never know what would happen to Jack if it hadn't been for you.

Count the stars tonight,
And you'll realise that one of them is missing.
That's because it has exchanged itself with you,
All just for me.

Excursion to the Esplanande and Pasir Ris

I snuck a peek at my handphone. 11.18am.
*Groans*

Looks like our budget outings have been working brilliantly these few weeks. Minimal spending with optimal entertainment and recreational activities. These few weeks made me realize that money isn’t everything. And not having any money doesn’t mean nothing as well.

Sorry for this very outdated rant, but I’d reckon I’m the worst student Winson has ever met. Monday night’s lesson saw me getting totally lost more than just a couple of times during the lesson, while Jack and Jiahui had no problem interpreting his instructions. I think I need a translator; it all sounded like Greek to me. But the upside of this inexperience was that it pushed me to pick up stuff on my own.
That’s probably because I think I’m really too stupid for my own good.

Lunchtime concert saw its last free concert at the Esplanade Theatres yesterday, with Kewei and her small band. It was a pity, because I was looking forward to more free lunchtime concerts showcasing more of Singapore’s local musical talents. I admit it’s partially because of the cheapo junkie in me, but I liked these concerts more for the fact that these musicians put in their best, even if it was for a half-hour free concert. Anway, Kewei was in form, performing favourites like David’s Regular Friends and Moon Over My Heart, A*Mei’s Ren Zhi and Wo Hen Wo Ai Ni, JJ Lin’s Mu Nai Yi and her own original composition Ru Guo. Overall, I’m satisfied with the songs she dished out, but I was definitely looking forward to something I wouldn’t hear over Youtube and David’s concerts. Her violinist Dennis Lau probably stole the show with his fancy distortion of the violin, varying its effects between a normal violin, and electric violin, a double bass and an electric guitar. Her best friend’s vocal backup synced flawlessly with Kewei’s voice, like what you always pick up on Youtube, although I had wished that she had been given more chances to sing along instead of just focusing on tinkling the ivories. Overall satisfaction, but the R&B sounded conspicuously like a David rip-off.

And if we ever meet up with your army buddies again, remind me to bring along a jaw support to cushion my jawbone from all that laughter. Now I understand why guys treasure their army buddies that much; the camaraderie they share amongst themselves is flawlessly dear. The rapport they had built during one of the most grueling periods in their lives has to be one of the strongest, and it smelt familiarly like kinship. The banter they exchanged, the harmless yet crude jokes they cracked about each other, the shuffling between languages… So the conscription system is pretty useful as well, although not every soldier which came out of there turned out the same.

The ferris wheel housed within iHub at Pasir Ris (nested snugly besides Downtown East) looked absolutely gorgeous at night. Although it doesn’t have the ability to rival the one at Genting Highlands, it’s enough for a small country like us. Hello, as if the Singapore Flyer isn’t big enough. If it fell off its pivot it’ll probably steamroll half of Singapore.

And it's time to grab some lunch and go back to Gunbound!