2 years

Love drives people to do the most insane things.

Especially when baking obviously isn't your forte and you fail more times than you get things right, but some nagging intuition of yours just makes you lurch forward and dive right in. Beginner's attempt at apple crumble, and it wasn't too bad. Love made it right. :)

Happy 2 years. :)

It hasn't been a thornless journey, and I'm not afraid to paint this not-so-rosy portrait of relationships. I don't want to give people false perceptions that we're always seeing eye-to-eye, always sweet and kissy, or seldom lost our cool. To be in love is an easy thing; to stay in love is a feat. And I'm proud of us simply because we stayed in love and stood by this love ever-so relentlessly and defended it with all we had.





Like what I told you, I didn't believe in love in the past. I didn't think that anyone in the world would have a place in their heart for me to reside in. I was crestfallen and crushed, and was angsty because I had been blind to see the facet of truth. And you changed me. You showed me that I was worth it. You took out the doubt in me, and look where we are today. This beautiful love story is going to see more and more chapters of you and me, and I wanna thank you for simply letting me into your life, and for being in mine. Cheers to love, and to us.

And thanks for making this day nothing short of magical, like how it has been for every day in this love. The little notes, exploring the hidden treasures on the island, the great coffee, the sharing sessions on those long bus ride, and the lovely sunset to complement our exquisite dinner. While we'll continue to work towards the ideals we spoke of today, I know I can trust you to take great care of yourself for me. But one thing I still can't figure out why I'm madly in love with you; I simply am, and will always be, forever and always.

I miss you.

Roaring. roar. roared.

It's sometimes pardonable to dream absurd dreams. To answer your call after an absolutely shitty day, hear your voice drown out the crowd and warm up my hands, and play the pretend game. To pretend that you're the one I'm coming home to, that we'll watch blockbusters on free-to-air until one of us dozes off, and then get lost in candy floss dreams of and you and me.

I miss you.

You know life is hectic when 1. You complete an assignment, look back, and decide that everything might have been wrong after all, 2. Your lunch and dinner are 10 hours apart, and you have breakfast together with your PC and papers all over the table, 3. You count down the minutes to the next deadline and 4. You have no regards towards how you dress in school.

All the above sounds alot like me, as well as every other undergraduate grappling with those insane mid-terms and deadlines. Oh, look. And I have an important day to celebrate at the end of all this madness, with zilch time to prepare for it.


WHY IN THE WORLD DID THEY SHIFT THAT DARN GODDAMMIT RECESS WEEK!!!!!!!

Movie: Nine

I'm blogging alot these days. The irony? I'm terribly busy, especially this week.

Jack kind of got forced to watch Nine, the semi-biographical movie-musical by Robert Marshall; I had seem to gain the superability to coerce psychologically. LOL. Anyway, it wasn't the best of films, but it was one of those films which made you think alot during the screening and emerge brain-tired. Jack didn't survive the onslaught. But it made me want to cry for Guido Contini, the man in the story; a victim of opportunities; a slave to flashlights and fame; a glutton for empty lust; and a loser when it came to in love. His heart, body and soul were no more than struggling fugitives, living the life of a vagrant, failing to find those footpaths back to the bed he had rightfully belonged to. He failed, stumbling and falling, tripped by none other than himself.

While it was a relatively neutral ending, I had hoped for more melodrama, more conflict, more memorable music. Be Italian is stuck in my head for the moment, simply because it's a classic off the original Broadway production of Nine. Apart from that, the rest of the music weren't sticky enough. In terms of the cast, Jack agreed that they should have gotten Robert Dowey Jr. to play the role of Guido Contini, because he's bad-boy kick-ass play-boy enough. And who could complain about the women? Never enough of pouty, sultry, fishnet-stocking songstresses, are we?

Good movie to bring the girls to, not the boys. They do fall asleep. And I'm serious.

Sweet Pursuit

You know your Dad has a speed demon in him when he tried to out-run a Ferrari F430 down Lornie Road; apparently we were on our way to lunch at Sembawang when a Ferrari came roaring down the left flank, in its full glory of handsome carbon fibre and racing stripes. I was lucky; it was trapped between the slow-moving vehicles in front of it, so I had a few seconds to snap a shot of it. Then Dad made the insane move; cutting out of the second lane and behind the monster, he rev-ed his engine and took out the growling beast. For a moment my heart kind of stopped, because there's no way his 2.5L elephant is going to catch this stallion, never in another million light years. Sis grasped her seat, and I grabbed my seatbelt, with some subtle strands of adrenaline streaming through those veins. And I was still telling Mum the previous minute that there's no way our tame four-wheeler is going to size up against that thing.

Dad caught him just before the next traffic light.

*speechless*

Of course my dad lost him after that, considering the horrid pick-up rate. But what was more amazing was I actually enjoyed listening to the majestic war cry of the beast, and feeling my heart thump to the pulsing of adrenaline through my blood. Lovely. I need more of such beautiful encounters, like today. A brilliant red Audi R8 humming its sweet V8 melody, a stunning Fair Lady stopping by for lunch with us, and the unbelievably insatiable chase of the Steel Devil.

Movie: Valentine's Day

The movie junkie couple strikes back, after a relatively long hiatus. We stood outside the GV box office, torn over Valentine's Day, 14 Blades and Percy Jackson. I wasn't ready for gore on the 4th day of the Chinese New Year or another Harry Potter-wannabe plot, so Valentine's Day was the way to go. And I wanted to watch it NOT because of Taylor Lautner. I swear.

Needless to say, this story revolves around Valentine's Day; how proposals go awry, how little boys send flowers to their pretty teachers because they think it's love, how ugly truths surface and threaten to break couples apart, how some people hate V day to death, how best friends could possibly make the best couples... While it's a huge bonus to have so many contemporary big names at the helm, it's the love story between Grandma Estelle (played by Shirley MacLaine) and Granddad Edgar (played by Hector Elizondo) that made the movie bucks worthwhile. It taught a great lesson of love; when you love someone, it's about loving not just the nice things about him/her, but also the not-so-nice things. That's what makes love so priceless, so unrequitted and so unconditional. And I liked it when Reed (Ashton Kutcher) asked his buddy Alphoso (George Lopez) how he had managed to stay in a happy marriage, Alphoso simply answered, "It's simple. I married my best friend." Sweeeeeeeeet. Oh, and the Taylors were simply redundant in the film. I'm serious. No value added, no sweet moments (unless you consider that plastic-mannequin, face-sucking action sweet. pui.), nothing. And it doesn't help when your on/off-screen girlfriend trots around like a giraffe with quirky dance moves. Seriously, can they release a DVD version where they're snipped out?

And I don't feel like going back to school. At all.

Untouchable

It's boring a hole in my heart and robbing me of air, the feeling of not having you within my arms' reach. Those palpitations struggle to feed me more life, and yet all I'm doing is to kill a moment's relief by thinking about your face, your touch, your words, and everything that we are. I could easy stop this dull, throbbing pain in my chest, but I realised it's basically impossible. To spend an entire day with you, today, is a luxury to begin with, and I spent the bus ride home swallowing back tears. Especially when Swift sings this.

Untouchable, like a distant diamond sky
I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you
I'm caught up in you

Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close I feel like coming undone

In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of heaven

It's half full, and I won't wait here all day
I know you're saying that you'd be here anyway

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
Now that you're close I feel like coming undone

In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta, come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of heaven

In the middle of the night we could form this dream
I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me
You gotta, come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of heaven



I miss you tonight, and as always.

CNY 2010

Mum: Last time the crackers nice, now the crackers not nice.
Dad: (answers back) Last time the police wear shorts, now the police wear long pants.

What happened next involved Mum whacking Dad with a cushion til his hair was in a mess. I wonder who's calling who childish.

This Chinese New Year was accompanied by unanticipated changes; I didn't know I could handle so much within a short span. While lamenting the unscrupulous means of the school's to shortchange us of our holiday, I realised there's many more things worth getting concerned over. Oh well. But no one seems to need my concern anyway, isn't it? Then why do I get upset when things get awry when I don't gain or lose from it? Am I supposed to stay apathetic, unfeeling, and pretend that things haven't happened? That lovers haven't broken up and families haven't split?

One good thing that came out of CNY: I finally mustered up enough courage to bring Jack to Granddad, who was cool about things. I used to worry about him finding out, since he once told me that finding love while studying is a big no-no. But I think it's really unfair to myself and Jack, because our relationship isn't meant to be secretive; I wanna let everyone know about this lovely boy by the handsome name of Jack whom I'm unconditionally in love with. And with this big hurdle crossed, it's another breather to take.



Yes. I'm drunk with love.

White horse

Happy Lunar New Year to all my fellow Chinese friends and family, and a Happy Valentine's Day to all those who have someone to love. I just had to share a song by Taylor Swift, despite its somewhat sombre lyrics.


White Horse

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holdin' on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should've known, I should've known

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To come around

Maybe I was naïve, got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance
My mistake I didnt know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings; now I know

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted, but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, some day
Who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror, disappearing now
And it's too late for you and your White Horse,
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now

We all dream of fairytales and castles, of pastel gowns and tiaras, don't we? But how much effort goes into working towards a beautiful tomorrow? Do we quantify it with the number of teardrops shed, the quarrels we worked through, or the number of times we kiss and make up? While I'm indulging in an impossibly fulfilling relationship, I wonder how many out there are still falling and scrapping their knees in attempts to seek out the right one? Do they know exactly what they're working towards? Is being in a relationship an excuse to hold a hand, to kiss a pair of lips and hug a warm body?

But isn't it too late to catch yourself, only after realising that you're falling into the nothingness of your expectations?

Mash.

I had this amusing 10-second conversation with my sis in the morning.


Sis: Jie, I have something sad to tell you. *pushes her Math homework into my face* I don't know how to multiply matrices.
Me: Then I have something sadder to tell you. *pushes her Math homework back to her* I forgot how to multiply matrices.


Week 5 is like a Pandora box; you either love or hate whatever's came out of it. It was like a flurry to me, with mad proposal-rushing with NM peeps til 3 in the morning, back-to-back project meetings and tuitions, and consultation with the tutor I failed to dodge even after so many semesters. Gah. Not to mention, not much time with my ジャックさん. Tempers are bound to flare, when either of us gets frustrated over what little time we had to squeeze out in-between lessons and meetings just to have lunch together.


CNY, and spring-cleaning's a pain in the asscrack.

And if you're looking for a huge BSB fan, you have it right here. :) (This is Us is currently playing in the car.)


And I forgot to take a before photo of my table! Remember how we used to take pictures of our before-after tables? Exactly 2 years ago during CNY. :)

And it's comforting to have you back at home, even though I know I've been rather negligent due to the mad frenzy in school. It just feels right; to hear your snoring next to Mum, listen to your nagging in the wee hours of the morning, and I'm looking forward to eating dinner at the same table as you tonight, for the first time in months.

Post dinner blues

Had one of the better Sundays, getting invited to family dinner at Jack's home. I'm glad I get to do things around the house instead of getting shussed out cordially by his relatives, as it started out to be, simply because I want to get used to helping out at his house. :) Another amazing thing was watching his cousin's tummy burgeon with another life within it; a being so fragile, so precious, nested in a mother's protection. Makes me wanna cry. And makes me look forward to a life with you.

Yes, the tinge of disappointment is unavoidable, but I know you have your valid reasons. So I'll just let it slide this time round. It'll be the second time my Dad remembers a reunion dinner without you.

Mujika terepi

And I have to pick out random things to do even when I'm drowning in hoards of schoolwork, like picking up my neglected guitar once again and playing late into the night. But strangely, those pesky headaches went away soon after a day or two of playing. Music therapy, anyone?

It'll be the Lunar New Year in about a week, but the greater concern at this moment is finding some means or ways to get by Week 5. *Shrieks* Which means submitting the MNO and NM proposals, enduring 4 more tuition sessions, one MNO subject pool at ungodly hours, and those horrid tutorials. GAH. I don't even wanna think about it. Tragical.

And I've been taking some good time out to think about my future plans. And I hope things will work out, either ways. :)

Laughing stock

... Because I went to the doc's at UWC with a dull throbbing headache and was told that it was because of cumulative stress. Laughs. Oh well, you'll ask me to quit complaining since I'm seeing the doctor for free, medicine and all. I could have diagnosed this myself, even as a layman, and not wait for the 20 numbers before mine to flash before I get a diagnosis.

It's amusing to watch two grown-up boys (a.k.a men) playing a game using token cards with motifs of spiders, bees, ants and whatnot. It's even more amusing to watch them play it for hours, during lectures, during lunch... Apparently Jack and his bestie Gordon improvised the carboard version as a go-anywhere alternative to the actual game. Lol. Boys/men never really grow up, do they?

Weekend's going to be busy, as well a next week, and I'll pretty much be up to my neck in readings, assignments, projects, proposals... So ya, I'll be back when I'll be back.