Maybe things aren't what you think

You know how, sometimes, a flashing moment from the past hits you, and nostalgia starts flowing. Seriously, I'll hate to recall anything from the past. I want to ditch it all behind.

Contrary to belief, I TOTALLY hated secondary school. Yes, I'm digging out the skeletons from the closet. You see, I've always been stuck in a class of 10 (or less) girls, and about 30 guys. I didn't appreciate what the school system did for me; I didn't like it. I wanted to climb up the ladder and tear myself away but, hey, look what destiny did to me. I was stuck with about the same bunch. Only this time, I hated it even more.

Don't think I'm really contented with life with you all just because I didn't return all the taunting and soft bullying I was subjected to. You know what?! I really hate to say this, but I had more fun in JC when I finally had the chance to breathe and distant myself from the past. The clear mind I had before my A Levels just proved how much I needed myself to be rescued from the spiral in secondary school.

And if you ask me if I regretted saying all this, no. I'd rather spill it all than to continue being laughed at by my reflection.

Insane

Just to max out whatever's left of my braincells.

Things I hate to do alone:
Having meals
riding on the MRT
spacing out
going to sleep
mugging in the library
driving
falling sick
waking up
feeling hungry
watching HSM

If I could make 'rushing for projects' a major subject, I'll be on Dean's List every semester and top the cohort with First Class Honours.

Love to us

Things went imperfectly beautifully. These included a very comprehensive group meeting, as well as a great day with the boyfriend.

I find it crazy that we're constantly worrying about the same problems over and over again, but that's what keeps us going so strong. The obscenely repetitive chats we have, the lengthy discussions on everything under the sun... It's not just a romantic relationship, but one which encompasses of elements I find in a friendship, a campanionship, a learning journey, and kinship. Yes, silly me still gushes at the fact that I'm so stuck to you, and so very reliant emotionally on you. And I still marvel at the chemistry we have. Seriously, if there's anyone who echoes my thoughts while they appear in my head, it's you. It's you who knows that I wanted to walk from Bugis to the Esplanade, it's you who knows I wanted to walk into Gramaphone to check out the HSM 3 soundtrack, and it's still you who reads that crystal ball of my every single thought. And I'm so very lucky to be so very in love with the right person.

Happy 8th month to us. :)

To give up, or not to give up

When girlfriends hang out, they become mad people. And what's a hangout without good food (Sushi Tei), good recreation (neoprints) and good company?

Waiting for more photos from Fay, but we'll just have to settle for all these first.

In the meanwhile, I'm still fighting my decision to take Monday classes. Seriously, I'm not really keen on the change of timing (the 'management', as what they call themselves, drew up an impossible timetable), because most parents are taking their children off the list. And the 'management' still hasn't come to their senses. Sometimes, I really wonder why am I still lingering in the center when I have better pay prospects out there with no bonds, no 'management' to accomodate, no screaming kids, no rigid timetables and no lingering eyes over the class. Little wonder Hong Ying and Jessica are not committing. Maybe I should weigh my options as well.
Perhaps the only consolation I had yesterday was having one of my students top her class in English. And this has been all I needed to fuel my engine.

And my aunt had to come down and start nagging at me early in the morning.
'You better eat more walnuts since you're not eating meat.'
'How heavy are you ah? 50kg?'
'You better take milk instead of soymilk. It's not enough nutrition for you.'
'Don't go on a diet ah.'
'Don't be too picky. Just eat your food, no need to choose.'
I'm going crazy. She makes it sound as though I'm on the verge of being admitted to IMH for an eating disorder. But those who know me knows that I wouldn't give up good food for the world.
What the...

Another day without the boyfriend.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

It's been a long time since I caught a musical. I even forgot that the actors and actresses actually had to sing.
*laughs*
Anyway, we were lucky to catch the first show of the movie on the premiere day (today) with good seats and at a relatively good price. Although I can't really agree with the way the actors handled their relationship with each other (it's perhaps due to the plot or something's just... not right), I loved the songs in the movie. Not much was elaborated about the leads (the producers had expected all audience to be such hard-core fans of HSM), so I was pretty lost at the start. But it kind of synced with what I captured from HSM 1, so it wasn't that bad.
But Zac and Vanessa are just cute.

I don't know what the head honcho is doing, but I'm pretty lost as to how to continue from here. I just hope those poor children won't become victims of poor coordination.

Define time

It's rare for me to get really pensive deep into the dead of the night, especially when I've had a draining day. It's just that when multiple facades of reality hits you, it's pretty difficult to just reject the notion of their reality; you can't just ward them off.

To start it off, congratulations to Kane and his girlfriend on their first year anniversary! I'm totally apologetic for not hearing you holler my name across the lift lobby (I'm turning deaf as a by-effect of overworking, I guess). Anyway, anyone should have just seen the cute couple, with the girl cuddling a purple bouquet of red roses! Okay, I'm just drawn to the fact that the bouquet is purple, since I don't really give a damn about flowers.
I kind of pity Jack, suddenly, for having a girlfriend who hates flowers and almost all stuffed toys.
*Tsk*
Kane did joke that he won't need to count anniversaries in months anymore. Omg. The farmer strikes back.

*Laughs*

Making mad rushes for project deadlines (I finally knew why they were called 'deadlines' - apparently they all harbour the idea of murder via harakiri), ditching time spent at home (sometimes, I really wish I could run away from all the unhappiness that happens within the confines of those four walls), managing friends (I'm still figuring a way to please everyone. And I'm still failing miserably when it involves coming into terms with my own conscience), appeasing groupmates (something escapism won't suffice), finishing my readings (I realized that I have no time to attend lectures, let alone do my readings), and ,of course, spending time with the boyfriend. Jack and I have become faithful mugging partners cum gossip partners cum lunch partners cum each other's Aunt Agony. I know people are going to hit back with laments that I'm too stuck to the boyfriend, but seriously, if you think you can do a better job as a all-in-one boyfriend, then you can jolly well draw up a challenge against him. By that I'm not saying that my other friends are inferior to him, but you have to recognize the fact that the only person whom I can get stuck to whenever I feel like and not feel guilty about taking up his time, uttering nonsensical stuff, messing up his hair, poking him in the rib once every 5 minutes, giving him huge bear hugs, irritate him with mindless accusations and still get him to smile for me, is Jack.
Oh great.
I just made myself sound like a nightmare of a girlfriend.

Time to hit the sack.

When something you know suddenly becomes estranged

I almost broke into tears during the second part of the JS lecture.
Host clubs.
It's not about the kind of false dreams intricately woven into beautiful lies to con these women into parting with their hard-earned money. Neither is it about the heart-wrenching stories behind the glitteri and D&G. It’s… this entire façade built by both the men and the women themselves to deceive, guess who, the women. Of course, I was mercilessly bombarded by the hard and cruel fact of those lives along the streets of Minami, Osaka. Everyone’s heard about the girls who sell their smiles and bodies, but what about the otokos with the starched suits and umbrellas serving the women in host clubs? Who’s interested in their stories? We’ve always been viewing the men as perpetuators of the ‘industry that sells smiles and sex’, but have we ever peered into through the doors of these kurabus to see what’s going on? Sure, there’s definitely enough sleazy activity going on, but who’s listening to the boys? Who’s listening? Or what about the girls? Are we always stereotyping these customers as middle-aged women with stashes of money to shower these ‘flower boys’ with, when in actual fact a large portion of customers are young ladies with small paychecks. Yet for the sake of indulging themselves in the beautiful lies and gentlemanly disposure of these ‘hosts’, which they claim to be absent in most Japanese men, they were willing to pay for that ‘temporary love’ they claimed money could buy. And, sad to say, many turned to the flesh trade in order to fuel the drug-like addiction of being loved.

*sigh*

It's like thinking that you know alot about the men and women, when actually you've just stupified yourself.

It’s no wonder why I’ve been somewhat listless recently.

I need more little tickles!

Yahoo-ing wonders

Being the overly-bored with snipping articles about the tainted milk scandal in China from 2 weeks' worth of newspaper, I decided to fool around with the Yahoo! search engine. You never know what you can excavate from such marvellous inventions. So I Yahoo-ed 'nus geyao' (since I can't say 'Googled')and this was what I got:

Of course, NUS Geyao's number 1~

Omg I unravelled my disgusting performance during our musical last year.

My blog popped up. On the second page.

And there's Geyao senior Bevlyn Khoo's blog~

There's William's blog on the third page, alongside Ah Lai's blog.

I chanced upon an interview ,dating back to 2006, where funkygrad.com interviewed Kailing and co. And there's this particular question and this particular answer from some senior *chuckles*:
Q: Does being in love give you good fodder for songwriting?
A: When there is no love, my songs have no feel. When I'm in love with a girl, the songs have different vibes.
Haha. True.

Now I know why Kailing found it a breeze to find my blog.
Welcome to the world of the not-so-clean-mouthed Julie.

Horrid day

Maybe I've taken the same hit so many times, I've grown accustomed to the sort of abuse I'm bound to be subjected to. But the brain doesn't stop remembering, event after event, and the heart doesn't stop aching with every goodbye and hello. If you had taken time to pore through alot of the things that you shouldn't have said, you'll feel alot more remorseful than you are. But I'll still love you all, even if the pain you've inflicted on me is exponential amounts of the love I gave. And you won't stop me from loving, if that's what you lack.

The kids are giving me a hell load of problems, alongside the adults. Parents have been pushing the fault of their kids' bad grades on us, the part-time, underpaid, mistreated, mentally abused, overstressed and definitely misunderstood tutors. Parents still don't get the point that the ones who are ultimately skiving are THEIR own kids, not the tutors. In the first place, you can't say that we're doing this plainly for the sake of money, because we are paid PEANUTS. It's not even enough to cover the trauma your misbehaving kids caused us. So we're not as money-minded as you think. Secondly, you can't expect YOUR child to be performing well if YOU, as a PARENT, can't play YOUR part, to motivate YOUR kid to study. We always get alot of parents who lament "Aiyah, at home I also cannot control my boy, so have to send him here to discipline him mah." For God's sake, if you can't keep your accident on a leash, do you think we can domesticate them? You should be thankful to know that you are not the one bearing the brute of YOUR kid's trashy homework, illegible handwriting and the monkey business they get down to whenever we turn our backs. Then you get the horrid bosses who think they can get away with alot of things by the fact that they're moneypots, and discard responsibilities just by saying "I don't know" and "I'm not sure". ASK, you bloody fool.

And I'm so utterly disgusted by myself for feeling downright upset over alot of trivial matters. Sometimes, I can get so naive, I hate myself for it. All I know is, everytime I need a listening ear, I know I still have your shoulder to lean on and that faithful ear for my monotonous and repetitive bemoaning.

Another fulfilling day

Who on Earth holds meetings at 9pm?!

*Shrugs*

It's been a long time since I last planted myself in the library to mug. Didn't last long today; apparently it becomes really cold after about an hour. My fingertips are like thermostats; they turn white when it's at freexing point, and purple when it's beyond freezing point.
*Laughs*
And not to mention, I had a very productive mugging session at the club room, with Jack by my side (despite being very much a huge distraction). Haha.

And I love the way I get to hold that very warm hand of yours (don't ask me why I always ask you why your hand's always that warm) and keep you by my side.

*loves*