Loved by you

“…it’s the little sacrifices we have to make…”

I couldn’t just shut my eyes and ears and pretend that I didn’t hear those words or the little crack in your voice. All I could wish for was that you wouldn’t see those tears glistening. I understand the kind of pain we have to undergo at this point of time; it’s ironic because we’ve both found jobs but the misery seems double the amount. It’s not about the potential obstacles at work; it’s the stabbing pain you get each moment you wished that someone was there besides you to give you those warm and fuzzy hugs when you needed them most. It’s like taking a deep breath and feeling all the tears rush out of your tear ducts at the mere thought of missing someone. It’s not wanting to wave goodbye every time we part, because I’m afraid I might just cry and make you upset as well.

I’m just waiting for your SMS. Something so simple from you, and yet carries every single word I yearn to hear from you. To tell me that you’re home, safe and sound. To tell me you enjoyed today’s game with my sisters and I. To tell me how much I am missed. And to prove to me, every single time, how lucky I am.

The missing game

I woke up in the late morning with a new found sense of despondence, as well as a backache. I’ll probably spend the entire day lazing around, I thought. And it really did happen.

The backache attributed by 6 hours of standing, sitting, railing at pre-teens and photocopying practice papers went away after my bath, but I soon realized that my throat was turning against me at brunch time. Then I became Maria for the day by buying lunch at the market under the hot sun, washing up all the used cups (we had 3 people at home today, and 5 cups. I wonder how many mouths do these people have.), doing the dishes, making the bed… It took my mind off wandering, so I’m kind of thankful for staying busy.

I don’t know why I’m dreading the interview tomorrow. It’s probably because it’s at Woodlands and, if everything goes well, I’ll have to spend an hour or so travelling to and fro office. And no more casual work attire like what I could don back at Chevron; it’s office attire, right at the centre of the industrial park. How ironic.

And I can never spell out how I felt, to endure 2 days without you by my side. Now I know why I feel so dreadful today. I miss Dad, and I miss Jack.

Four and strong

I know I shouldn't be doing this at this point of time, knowing that I'll be running fairly late on my schedule of tuition classes later on at 10. But I need a space to listen to me rant. I won't mind even if it was non-human.

Okay so I landed myself a sore throat and a blocked nose that flicks on and off. It must have been those Wang Wang rice crackers I'm been livng off since Thursday. And I still can't get my hands off them. Oh god.

Oh, and happy 4th month to us. The scare on Wednesday proved more than sufficient that I really need you by my side. It's not like I get to meet someone who's my best friend, doubles as my loved one, and takes on the third role as family (my parents are more concerned about you than they are about me!) every day. And it always feels as though we've been together for ages. We both know that it's been a trying period for us, and life will only continue to get in our way, but I'm sure we'll find our way through with my hand in yours.

Okay I need to sprint.

Counting my lucky stars

I just want to let you know that I'll never want to experience the feeling of living my life without you. The past 19 years of singlehood isn't for nothing; it was to wait for someone like you who is perfect for me. So for the first and the last time round, never EVER put your life in so much danger, ever. And I never want to wait for you in the A&E Emergency again. It drives me nuts having to sit there for 2 hours and not know what the hell was wrong with you. The mental torture hadn't been so bad before, to have the huge urge to cry and yet repress all those tears. But to know that you're now sleeping safely and soundly in your own bed kind of calmed me down.

Thanks to Eugene for the assistance rendered. I'd never know what would happen to Jack if it hadn't been for you.

Count the stars tonight,
And you'll realise that one of them is missing.
That's because it has exchanged itself with you,
All just for me.

Excursion to the Esplanande and Pasir Ris

I snuck a peek at my handphone. 11.18am.
*Groans*

Looks like our budget outings have been working brilliantly these few weeks. Minimal spending with optimal entertainment and recreational activities. These few weeks made me realize that money isn’t everything. And not having any money doesn’t mean nothing as well.

Sorry for this very outdated rant, but I’d reckon I’m the worst student Winson has ever met. Monday night’s lesson saw me getting totally lost more than just a couple of times during the lesson, while Jack and Jiahui had no problem interpreting his instructions. I think I need a translator; it all sounded like Greek to me. But the upside of this inexperience was that it pushed me to pick up stuff on my own.
That’s probably because I think I’m really too stupid for my own good.

Lunchtime concert saw its last free concert at the Esplanade Theatres yesterday, with Kewei and her small band. It was a pity, because I was looking forward to more free lunchtime concerts showcasing more of Singapore’s local musical talents. I admit it’s partially because of the cheapo junkie in me, but I liked these concerts more for the fact that these musicians put in their best, even if it was for a half-hour free concert. Anway, Kewei was in form, performing favourites like David’s Regular Friends and Moon Over My Heart, A*Mei’s Ren Zhi and Wo Hen Wo Ai Ni, JJ Lin’s Mu Nai Yi and her own original composition Ru Guo. Overall, I’m satisfied with the songs she dished out, but I was definitely looking forward to something I wouldn’t hear over Youtube and David’s concerts. Her violinist Dennis Lau probably stole the show with his fancy distortion of the violin, varying its effects between a normal violin, and electric violin, a double bass and an electric guitar. Her best friend’s vocal backup synced flawlessly with Kewei’s voice, like what you always pick up on Youtube, although I had wished that she had been given more chances to sing along instead of just focusing on tinkling the ivories. Overall satisfaction, but the R&B sounded conspicuously like a David rip-off.

And if we ever meet up with your army buddies again, remind me to bring along a jaw support to cushion my jawbone from all that laughter. Now I understand why guys treasure their army buddies that much; the camaraderie they share amongst themselves is flawlessly dear. The rapport they had built during one of the most grueling periods in their lives has to be one of the strongest, and it smelt familiarly like kinship. The banter they exchanged, the harmless yet crude jokes they cracked about each other, the shuffling between languages… So the conscription system is pretty useful as well, although not every soldier which came out of there turned out the same.

The ferris wheel housed within iHub at Pasir Ris (nested snugly besides Downtown East) looked absolutely gorgeous at night. Although it doesn’t have the ability to rival the one at Genting Highlands, it’s enough for a small country like us. Hello, as if the Singapore Flyer isn’t big enough. If it fell off its pivot it’ll probably steamroll half of Singapore.

And it's time to grab some lunch and go back to Gunbound!

Simplicity... again

My life just seemed more complete with the advent of more things to fill my calendar up with. I'm simply tired to lazing around at home or trudging around shopping malls; it's not like I hate walking around, but I'll be much better of with some jiggle in my pockets.

I realised the only reason why giving tuition is really fun is because everything I do and everything I say becomes really simple all over again. Yesterday's first-time interaction with the children drew valuable lessons for me. It isn't that easy to express yourself with easy terms anymore. I found myself stumbling over my words and getting all tongue-tied while explaining answers to them. I still have a long way to go on this learning curve. And I'm looking forward to next week's session.

I realised, no matter how much we talked, it's never enough, and I can never stop learning. The weather was good to us (it got all thundery and rainy the last time we were there), and the light breeze was pleasantly complementary.

And my Dad just made me smile when he gave me biscuits and told me to "share it with Jack and his family".

Looking forward to:
Guitar holiday workshop (23/6)
Lunchtime concert @ the Esplanade (24/6)
Vocal holiday workshop (25/6)
M.I.A Day (27/6)
Bowling with cT and dUCKY (28/6)
Every single moment spent with you (forever)

I need to grab those Panadol Extras.

Back to me

Was abruptly torn from my dream at 7.40am this morning, when Dad woke up all flustered. Apparently the new alarm clock still neeed two AA batteries to work it. I thought I could save on buying batteries.

How we were amazingly able to twist our plans along to circumstances still leaves me baffled, as always.
And it just keeps me smiling.

Caught Get Smart yesterday (another strange twist of time and events, yet again), and we had to be contented with seats on the second row from the screen. I mean, what more do you expect when you're leveraging on $6 student price tickets, 4 days before school reopens and a day after the movie premiered? But it was a good movie with loads of laughter, but contained a fair amount of sexual humour and scenes which made me go "ouch!".
Time for movie-spotting again.

Headed back to YIH for dinner. I kind of dread going back to school like the post-holiday syndrome primary school kid with the fake tummyache. It's not that I hate what I'm studying (in fact I can't wait to nosedive sadistically into a pile of homework and get lost in them), but...
I don't know.
Anyway, they held Basic Keyboard Workshop yesterday, and it's good to see Geyao peeps after such a long time, and re-entering the clubroom brought me back to the time I first stepped in to do my first rehearsal for the internal performance last September. Speaking about memories. Jack messed around with the drums a little, and taught me a thing or two on the drumset. For thr record, I'm a total coordination idiot, so asking me to play the drums was a chore, totally. Besides, I wasn't keen to make my din heard in the whole of YIH. But it was a good experience, though, learning the basic beats. I hereby salute all the drummers out there.
*Laughs*
And the digital drums looked gorgeous. Of course I know next to nothing about drums and all that, that's why I found it gorgeous. I popped the image of the digital drums in the studio over to her, and she came back half a minute later with a set of Yamaha digital drums whose price tag started with a '3' and has four digits in it. I'll get her to invest in my music room next time.
*Laughs*

And it feels just right to fall asleep beside you, and ignoring the bustle of the crowd on the bus and the incessant swaying.

It's you and me

Sometimes, you can't just take on all the blame and make me sound like the victime through and through. It doesn't work this way. Not with me, at least. I don't believe in the "you or me" theory of fault; it takes two hands to clap, and even more so when it concerns you, and me. We've got to solve this collectively, because what we've got between us is of utmost importance to me. I'll keep holding on to your hand and let you bring us through this, unless you choose to shake me off.
I know you won't.

I won't.

Happy Fathers' Day

You can imagine how much I wanted to rip my hair from my scalp when I accidentally refreshed the webpage even before I could hit the enter button. I totally lost the last entry I wrote, and that discouraged me to write another entry until now. I guess I don't like to drag my stuff too much.

Happy Fathers' Day to all the loving fathers in the world. My dad said,"With money, everyday is Fathers' Day." Ah, how realistic. He keeps me down-to-earth and always thinking practically in situations. That's why I love my dad, although I totally forgot when was the last time I told him that. Ten years ago?

Popped by Gordon's place yesterday to make up for not being able to join him for his birthday party. And what's the four of us (Mr. and Ms. G,Mr. and Ms. J) without a good day of boardgames? I'm still enjoying Puerto Rico and Vegas Showdown (altough I'm totally crap at them), Mr. and Ms. G are still at their stuff (you get what I mean), and we had a hell lot of fun. And Gordon's tortoise was adorable, even when it sleeps under the curtain. On the other hand, the 35-minute for bus 130 wasn't as fun, especially when you have two extremely exhausted and sweaty people dying to get home. I'm still a little pissed with SBS.

And guess what?! It's dinner at Jack's place tomorrow! Yes you read it right, it's Jack's place. Jack's place, ya know?

Excursion to ECP and Changi

You have no idea how much I enjoy chatting with NX, even when it's done online. It seems as though we can talk about anything and everything on Earth, which is ironic because the last time we actually met was with WL.
When was that?

I really hate to say goodbye, but it's comforting to know that they'll be enjoying their time there in Japan. Of course with that I hinted a little about bringing something back for me.
Hehe.
No, not the Otakus.

First 'suntan' in a very long time yesterday. We ended up looking like freshly grilled tiger prawns trudging around East Coast Park. I'm kind of thankful my skin isn't burning and all prickly now, because that's what you always get after a really accidental tan. And I just found a brand new way of clinging to you.
*Laughs*
I just want to smile a really huge smile and look into your eyes. And tell you how much I miss you, just 9 hours after I last saw you.

Excursion to Botanical Gardens

For the first time in many days, I finished perusing every single section of the day's newspaper (excluding the classified ads and executive appointments). I've been missing out on daily news, catching them onn tv only when I reach home late at night. This may be a good thing, since I'm totally incapable of financing myself for the Great Singapore Sales, so not reading the newspaper will mean resisting any attempt by the marketing departments of commodities to earn my dollar. If I have any, to start with.

And you wouldn't believe me if I told you that Singapore is too small for my liking. I’ve only got the lush greenery to conquer, since I’ve got almost every inch of our bustling concrete jungles covered with our footprints. Our route this time was shorter, starting at the Botanical Gardens and ending with Square 2 at Novena. See?! We’ve even ventured into tourist spots! That’s how bored we are. But scenery was pretty good, and the passer-bys and their dogs/children very much amused us along our loop around the garden.

And we watched Kungfu Panda~!
It was worth the watch, since we had spent about an hour rotting away at Cineleisure before that. First time I actually laughed so much during a movie, or perhaps it’s because I’m seated snugly beside you. Damn that armrest.

Another great day with minimal spending.

You can always make me smile

Oh. My. God.

Am I dreaming, or is Jack, who is seated on my right, chatting with my mum, who is seated on my left?
*Shakes head*
Okay so I’m not dreaming.
*Laughs*

Had a good day with the girls. It’s HY’s birthday today! We dished up our lovely agar agar creation during breakfast, and the girl had such a difficult time trying to finish them up. But hey, they did look really pretty, didn’t they? While we were at that, we had Ben on call. He was meant to surprise her during lunch, and it seemed like our plan worked well. Hehe. Hope our birthday princess had a nice day out with her darling.

And I think I’m still dreaming.

Lies and scams

It has come to my realisation that I haven't been very introspective these few days. But if I could ever find time to sit down and do some self-reflection, I'll probably fall asleep instead of doing some self-evaluation. I lead a very boring life on my own.

And I'm so lazy, I keep doing retrospective entries. Yesterday was adequately fun, although I'm complaining about too little quality time spent together (and am still complaining about it). It's been a looooong time since the 4 of us karaoke-d together, and this time we've got two VIPs.
Haha.
But it was fun (our dear Jane never fails to entertain us, and my pitch always manages to run faster than you can say "zao xia!"). Of course, Jane had her first assessment of another of her prospective "grandson-in-law". Haha. And the microphones kept failing us! Raymond would burn those mics if he saw them, Jack said.
*Laughs*
And can I mention that the service was adequately horrible enough for me to do serious contemplation before stepping into that place again? I even feel sorry for even forking out just $5 for the membership fees for 5 years. And you'll still have to pay their $10 cover charge for diluted tea, diluted honey, that miserable bit of tidbits, horrible attitude of the crew... And all these KTV places just have to keep cheating us of our money. K Box's so-called "$1 Cover Charge Monday" is just another money-spinning scam in which they charge you:

$1 Cover Charge +
$5+ Drink +
$2.50 Tidbits +
$2 KOD Charge +
7% GST +
10% Service Charge +
______________________

$15 PER PAX

Wow.
SOOOOOOOOOOO cheap.

I'd rather throw my Yamaha G-245II seven storeys down then to give in to their exorbitant charges. So much for that $1 Cover Charge.

I'm making a promise to all my friends here, I'll have a KOD-ready karaoke system in my house 8 years down the road. Bank on my words.