You know we care

Stayed up til almost 2am this morning just to keep tabs on him. I was dead worried by the photos and the breaking news received on Boxing Day, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep in peace until I've received the green light from XJ. Thanks for all the news, I really appreciated it. And thanks for providing endless support to the one who needs it (you get what I mean), I'm sure at the end of it all they'll be thankful to you. Pardon me if I sounded murderous yesterday, but I was at my wits' end, and I knew you're the only one I could release all this to, since you're the one who told me all this from the beginning. Nevertheless, I'm still the typical worry-wort, so please don't mind me too much if I keep pestering you.

Even my mum was worried about him when I told her about it. Dinner was an abrupt affair, because I couldn't leave my screen for too long. I fear too much, having experienced loss not too long ago. Although it was all beyond my control, but I knew if he realised how much people loved him, he'll definitely recuperate much faster with all this motivation from us. Quit worrying about everything else, because nothing else matters if you can't get well. The flesh may be weak, but keep the mind willing.

Face/Off

I’m sick of trying to look my best every time I have to step out of my house, but I can’t stop myself from doing that; everything’s become so superficial and judgmental, and people love and hate you from the very moment they set their eyes on you. I’m really tired, but there’s no way this habit can be curbed. In fact, it’ll have to go on for as long as humanity continues to function this way. That’s the reason why idols are rolling in the big bucks and size-zero models are strutting the catwalks. This society is so freaking mad.

I don’t know if I wanna step out of the house today.

Jaded

You don’t have to roil my emotions every time I’m up there, do you? I’m just utterly displeased by your ugly display of greed and nosiness, and it leaves a worse aftertaste simply because you’re supposed to be the exemplary figure for us, and yet your behavior is no better than a preschooler. In the first place, you should have chosen NOT to extort my dinner from me just 2 days ago, and you had to make absolutely crude and vulgar remarks of my sister. Yes, she might have been in the wrong, but throwing the word “bullshit” in her face was definitely the last straw. Any self-respecting person of senior status would think thrice about spouting such profanities at a 12-year-old kid, but you chose to victimize my sister at your own pleasure. Your gluttonous habits are even more annoying, and I can’t believe the rest of the seniors in the family are just letting you have your own deem fit way.
Respect? NEVER.
I won’t even give you a chance to bullshit me.

Christmas Eve was well spent, with a dinner with Jack. A pity Skyler couldn’t join us due to a family gathering. You see, when two vocalists get together, ALL we would talk about was music, music and more music. Besides the unanimous agreement that David’s the ultimate maestro of Mandarin R&B, we talked a lot over dinner and that. Of course, we shared our problems (I mean, what are friends for?), and I guess we both felt better after regurgitating the entire sickening emotional burden we lugged around. Anyway, the queue at Marche was a killer, and we were late by just 10 minutes and the queue was starting to snake. Thank God we didn’t go in a group of 10 (like what some families did), so we got a table within half an hour. Oh, and remind me NEVER to get Rosti again; I couldn’t finish even half the portion, maybe because we were talking half the time. And I was a good girl and bought those delectable fresh-from-the-oven Japanese cream puffs for my family’s supper. Yummy~

The agony of giving and taking

The last thing anyone should ever do to me is to take my dinner away from me. Hello, that was the REMAINDER of my lunch, and I just wanna eat it in peace, and YOU had to come and say "Wah, so oily. You don't eat this, go take the rice in the kitchen, I'll eat this for you." And the next moment everyone's had a spoonful of my lunch-cum-dinner EXCEPT ME.
HELLO?!
WTH IS THIS?!

~

I decided just this afternoon that my table deserved a huge spring-cleaning (barely 2 weeks after doing one), so I chucked everything onto the floor and junked a humungous bag of unwanted stuff. Still, I'm clueless as to what to do with that 26 issues of E-Pop piling on my table, hundreds of postcards collected over a span of 4 years, my CD-shop collection of music CDs and sorts.
Garage sale, anyone?

Have a break, but don't gimme a Kit-Kat

I ruined the jamming session yesterday, and I ruined the birthday celebration today. Oh my God I should just go bury myself under a rock. After devouring 4 Panadol tablets today, I'm feeling much better than I was this morning. Nursing a hangover and a leaking nose made me really grouchy, and it worsened when I couldn't taste the veggies during lunch. I never wanna fall sick again, because it's really difficult to recover, both emotionally and physically.

Dinner with Siti and co. at Holland V was lovely, but then again, I was in a really crappy mood, so it took me more than just effort to prise a smile for the camera. The ambience made up for it just a little, and the lovely drizzle turned my mood up as well. I stuck to my salad, largely because I can't taste anything anyway, so it'll be a huge waste to order anything else, even the Mac and Cheese that I was eyeing.

Oh well, I need a break from all the crap and nonsensical people in my life.

The Body Shop

I'm officially a Body Shop junkie. I'm just too inclined towards their campaigns. I love the way they push for their causes, and it's written all over their products. I just have something against walking out of the shop smelling like a pickled apple. Apart from that, they're such darlings.

regenerate, rejuvenate

I almost lost my head when I couldn't get ANY connections for the entire day, so I'm confined to playing Sims 2, which has become a nauseatingly boring game. I'm just amazed with the architecture tools, so all I'm doing now is building houses and houses for days on end.

And I've realised why I'm always so jittery before, during and after my driving lessons; I'm afraid of my instructor.-_-I know it sounds insane, since the instructor is my granduncle. But ever since I incurred his wrath the other day, I've been getting all stressed up whenever my hands rest on the steering wheel. Oh man, I need to overcome this thing.

Meanwhile, I'm starting to have an increasing number of people coming to me just to pour out their woes and whatevernot. I won't turn them down, but it's getting difficult for me to shoulder all the emotional burden. Forget it; I'll continue to be the bottomless well of accumulated misery. Now I need my beauty sleep to generate more positive vibes.

The taste of happiness

What made my day:

Having Subway for dinner. God knows how much I love Subway. Like how I can have vermicelli for 5 days in a row, I can have Subway for an entire week if I can afford the trip to school everyday (which gets me a 20% discount off every purchase). I love my honey oat, I love my Veggie Delite, I love my honey mustard and I love my double chocolate chip cookie. I’m basically a Subway-whore. Plus I’ve got great company for dinner, so that probably value-adds to the entire dining experience.

Visiting the clubroom for the first time in a month. Mr. Yellow’s transformed the entire room into a recording studio, and I was joking with Jack that the studio (which formerly looked like a storeroom) finally had leg space for more than 3 people. (Apparently the image of being squeezed into the puny little studio with CY and ZY is still hovering vividly in my mind) The only thing’s that I felt a little intimidated by the presence of seniors (like I always do), so my voice didn’t open until we left the room.

Picking up tips and lessons from Skyler and Jack on guitar and vocals. They’re absolutely wonderful instrumentalists cum vocalists, and I had a great time. Despite the fact that the index finger on my left hand is currently nursing a huge blister from all that barring, it was a great opportunity for us to exchange tips and comments. I swear I’ll work on using my diaphragm after I’m done with the barring.

Having soup for supper. Typical Cantonese girl, you might say. I’ll always finish my soup right up to the last drop, as long as it’s home-cooked and does not contain any fragments of meat. All it took was a single phone call from my dad to get me zooming home for that bowl of piping hot soup. Ah, the taste of happiness.

Okay, I need to grab a fruit and hit the sack.

Apathy is crap

My eyes continue to dart around the living room, scouring for any creepy crawlies. A cockroach decided to appear before me an hour ago before disappearing into a dark corner, and I have the guts to neither catch it nor make a huge fuss about a six-legged creature at 1 am, so the best I can do is to keep it as far away from me as possible.

As usual, my mum was pretty pissed when I came home after midnight, and the first thing she said was, “Why are you in my blouse?” So I struck up the idea of praising her dress sense and fashion taste to the skies, which managed to appease the lioness just a little. Alright, I’m feeling pretty guilty here, so I’ll keep myself at home tomorrow, apart from my driving lesson. I should have told her and Dad that I’ll be late (which I had conveniently forgotten), so I should be grounded or banished to the gallows.

I don’t know if all I can do is to pretend that nothing’s ever happened every time the same thing crops up. It’s getting increasingly difficult to suppress those hurtful words with each occurrence, but I’ll keep it inside for the sake of a friendship and with the hope that things will change for the better. It’s unlike me, but I shall defy Nature and myself to retain this friendship. It means a lot to me, so I don’t see why it seems like trash to you.

Another K-ing session

It was utterly traumatizing to walk past a dozen shoes shops and not be able to try on anything on sale because of my injured toe. I could curse a gazillion times and no one would hear me. Thank God I still managed to get earrings (after seeing someone spotting a different pair every time I spotted her, and all of them are equally lovely), so my mood wasn’t that adversely affected. My legs almost cramped after making several rounds at Bugis Junction, but it was much-needed exercise for me so I had nothing much to complain about. I promised to go back for The Body Shop’s White Musk (largely due to the new purple-tinted bottle which is very much adored by moi), but I didn’t. Oh man.

Freaking out became habitual yesterday, with plenty of surprises. No one told me that Louis (a.k.a the Golden Mouth who startles when he sings) was coming, but he was a great addition to the K-Box session. Who doesn’t love to hear him sing? My digicam comes in handy every session, because it captures every ounce of singing beautifully and I don’t have to use QuickTime Player to listen to it since it’s in WAV. format. It was no exception this time round, and we managed to goof around for a bit. The pressure was huge at the beginning (hello?! I’m singing with 2 people with stunning voices), but it faded after a few up tempo songs. Plus stuff does crop up, and we had a huge laugh about it (especially me). Enjoyable session, once again.

Rescue me

I’m feeling a tragic sense of dejection, just an hour after my NM paper. The advent of another paper which I’m totally not confident of continues to hit the wrong notes today. Oh man, even a second cup of coffee isn’t going to help. I’m just feeling totally down at the dumps. How I wish things could just flash past and voila, it’s 24 hours later and I’m frolicking down the sides of Scotts Road. I’m not the crazed shopaholic whom I happened to overhear a conversation from (“It’s like, I’ll study for half and hour and ‘I wanna go shopping!’”); I’m just dying to complete this wholly arduous process of going in, sitting down, cracking my brains and creating smudges of ink all over my paper. And things will start again, all from the beginning, every semester.