To differentiate or to integrate

I just realised that I screwed my entire notebook by indicating the week wrongly. So this week’s supposed to be called recess week, not week 7. Well, I should be relieved to know that I have ample time to scrutinize my Chinese Studies text for my project. Those words… someone bring me a microscope, please.

And I’m the ultimate bag of excuses, armed with the extraordinary ability to evade anything with a little click of my finger, and a little excuse to top it off. I even find excuses to run away from myself, which is starting to sound freaky, like Dr. Jekyll running away from Mr. Hyde. Too much pondering on JJ Lin’s very disturbing Killa MV, I guess.

Of course, I’m poring over my indecisiveness to get my tresses coloured. I used to stand firm by the belief that being natural is being me, free of make-up and artificial conditioning to stand out from the crowd. But I have seemed to change, choosing to cower and dodge those seemingly doubtful stares which seemed to pierce even without the intent to do so. To stay the same may be an outright staging of protest against the fake and plastic. To harbour the thought of changing may either be a form of camouflage or a sign of cowardice. To make the change may be the ultimatum of failure to conquer.

Keep calling out

I'm supposed to get my friggin' ass into bed by now, going by the fact that I'm having driving lessons in another 9 hours' time, I've got a project to finish up and I just conquered Bukit Timah Hill 12 hours ago.

Hello?!

How can you expect a Virgo to go sleep without completing her routine? I'd rather be caught naked than to leave my daily agenda incomplete. Obstinacy is a killer, just like it is in my case. Judging by my dwindling effort to stay focused, I should be knocked out in a couple of minutes' time after I've finished with this entry.

The run of your life

My mum wringed her nose when she found out that I was going running at 4.15pm this afternoon, under the searing heat of the September sun. It turned out that the sun didn’t burn at all, and was comfortable enough with the slight breeze for a great jog. I thought I had cracked my knee when I was hurling myself down 14 flights of steps, but it turned out to be just a small stretch. It feels good to just run under the gentle sun, with good music plugged in and an empty running track.

The overwhelming stress I had exerted on myself for the past few days.Some frays of innocent infatuation.Those 200 calories from a portion of a mooncake which I’ve guiltily fed myself.Some comment someone kept repeating over the past 2 days.Worrying over my poor ability to keep up with that module.The disturbing yet relevant lyrics from a haunting song.

I needed to run these off.

And I’ll find more reasons to keep on running.

Mechanical Glitch

I’m so tickled by technology.

My laptop died on me while I was making a mad rush for today’s IT tutorial yesterday in the library, and my handphone did the same when I was supposed to meet Ducky and co. after school today. It just seems to happen at the most critical of times, at the most needy of moments. It cracks me up. I should just lug all my chargers along whenever I’m out to prevent such mishaps from occurring again.

Thanks to Ducky, Sub and Siti for the dinner and present. But all this pales in comparison to the company you’ve provided me and all those beads of laughter and laughter I wished I could keep forever bottled and close to my heart. Take care, and hopefully we’ll meet soon enough.

A long road, a far cry

I need to take a huge gulp of air and exhale deeply.

Good. I've calmed down.

Seems like things didn't go awry today, and that's the best thing that could have ever happen to me today. I wouldn't mind having my grape juice turn into vinegar in Biology lab lesson, as long as my performance didn't screw up. The good news are that my grape juice obediently fermented to form red wine, and I didn't screw up my performance.

But by the looks of it, I've still got a pretty long journey down the road of improvement. My performance's a far cry from those enviable vocals of my fellow CCA mates and seniors.

And I'll still have to repeat this tomorrow.

Turning 19 is a mental struggle

Oh well, it’s just another year. Things were so much simpler this year, and that’s what makes it so special. No elaborate cake-cutting sessions, no bimbotic presents, no guilt-inducing cakes. Just a simple lunch session and good, clean fun. How I wish things could stay this way, every year. It won’t be glamourous to turn 20.

May the luck be with me

This week's my luckiest week in the entire year, the astro stars said so.

And it is true up to this point.

Monday:It's probably just optimistic me, because not having my dreaded tutorial is a good enough reason to pop champagne, plus I had my favourite module lecture.

Tuesday:Yes! I finally confirmed my driving lessons! Which means, if everything doesn't screw up (I seriously hope it won't because it happened this week), there'll be an addition to the mad-hatter bunch of drivers on the road by the end of January next year. And my darling Jane unholed a lovely place for me to mug. Bring out the confetti.Plus, I managed to stay focused for the 6pm lecture.

Wednesday:I was supposed to dread today's practice due to a personal feud(albeit one-sided). Hey, but things weren't as what I imagined them to be. The people were lovely, and by the end of the day, I made a dozen friends. Plus, I had the first-hand feel of performing with just a keyboardist, which was a totally testing but enjoyable experience. Plus our very own David Tao, Jay Chou and Joe Cheng. Loads of laughter.

So...

I'm expecting much more out of today, because I'm going onto the road for the first time! The convo with Auntie was laughable:

Auntie: Are you coming back for lunch?
Moi: No, I'm having my driving lessons.
Auntie: You're driving?
Moi: Ya.
Auntie: You no have lessons today?
Moi: Have. After that.
Auntie: Har?!
Moi: After that. (A little agitated)
Auntie: Har?!
Moi: After that. After my lessons. (More agitated)
Auntie: Har?!
(At this point of time, she still hasn't caught what I said, and I was severely agitated because she was just a couple of feet away.)
Moi: Har har har...!!! I'm having my lesson after school lah! Aiyo!!!

Well I found it funny anyway.

When the boring gets bored

It’s difficult to pass a day without enduring my extremely annoying sister. For information, the PSLE is just approximately a month away, but she’s still whiling her days away, wasting those precious minutes and seconds. No amount of nagging, coaxing, coercing, threatening, and prep-talk suffices; nothing brainwashes her. She still living in her own little lalaland, so I’m just waiting for the good show she’ll put up when she scrambles to finish revision, if she ever does any, at the eleventh hour. Then I’ll have the last laugh.

I’m too lazy to count down to my birthday this year; it’s true, birthdays have become just a self-imposed statute to mark the day everyone saw you naked. Little wonder they called it a birthday suit. My temper’s improved as the week past, but I’m still not in the mood to do anything, be it to read through my readings or to check out information I’m obliged to gather for all my projects, although I still make it a point to finish up any tutorials after the last embarrassing encounter with an unfinished-tutorial class.
I need a huge pick-me-up.

I was blind not to have seen

I left school an extremely pissed person today. I should have just made myself scarce in the first place; they would probably be better off without someone like me, they'd probably see it as my loss. I'm just another anti-social loser out there bent on ruining my mood, and probably that of those around me. My mood just hit rock-bottom 3 seconds ago.Just great.

Frankly, I ain't liking some of those people there. The snobbish, the extreme anti-socials, the I-don't-like-you-because-you're-ugly idiots... They choose to pursue such skin-deep issues, instead of their passion for music. I think I made the wrond choice. I did myself such great injustice.

Letting go

Choosing to write a long entry didn't seem to benefit me; my wndow got closed down, even before I could even update. So my entire entry's gone.

Grandma's demise hit me hard, but I knew I loved her, and she won't want to see me shed tears over her; she was a strong woman through and through, so she wouldn't like me to cry too hard. The wind that whipped my face for the past few nights had dried my tears, and I would hear her silently called me out softly in that dialect, her soft wispy voice resounding in my head, and calling out my pet name in Cantonese. I shall keep her forever in my memory, together with the Cantonese I've picked up from her and Granddad as a child.

I love you, Grandma.